


New Shores

by rosesnowstorm



Category: The Last Kingdom (TV), The Warrior Chronicles | The Saxon Stories - Bernard Cornwell
Genre: Battle, F/M, Falling In Love, Family History, Female Protagonist, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Romance, Strong Female Characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:55:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 27
Words: 90,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25553170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosesnowstorm/pseuds/rosesnowstorm
Summary: Shaylee had nothing more to lose when she sneaked into a boat and left her homeland Ireland for good. She had burned all the bridges behind her, and her future was more than uncertain. All she had was a name. A name her grandmother told her and might belong to the only family she had left. But would he be willing to take her in? Or were all the stories true and he also did burn all the bridges connecting him with his Danish past. Would Uhtred Ragnarson take in the daughter of his Danish brother and will she be able to build a life in a foreign country? And would this life be better than the one she left behind? Without fear, without pressure but with a loving family, maybe even a family of her own?
Relationships: Finan (The Last Kingdom)/Original Character(s), Uhtred of Bebbanburg & Original Character(s)
Comments: 65
Kudos: 75





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So here we go. My first story that someone other than me will read. I hope the story does not only work in my head but also on paper (or more likely on a monitor). If you have any comments or suggestions for improvement, keep them coming! After all, I want to develop myself further. Also, please be aware, that English is not my first language and sometimes I struggle a bit with the grammar of it. If you find any mistakes, please let me know!

„We will rest here. Osferth set a fire. Sihtric take care of the horses.“, the leader of the group instructed the other men.

Shaylee was hiding in the leaves of a near tree and was watching the group. She discovered them a couple of miles away and didn’t lose sight of them since then. There were not a lot of travellers passing by her improvised home. And if there were, they mostly just past by as fast as possible. Shaylee did not blame them. It was not a particularly beautiful valley she had chosen. But in the forest on both hillsides, a lot of game was roaming around. And on the bottom of the valley, there was a river, slowly making his way to the sea.

This was the first group, which stayed the night. They camped in a swale not far away from the road but still in a big enough distance to not get discovered to easily. It was probably the best place to stay within a couple of miles. They knew what they were doing, Shaylee was sure. A fire was lighted up and the men prepared something that smelled like stew for dinner. Shaylee’s stomach was rumbling, too. When she saw the men, she had been on her way back from hunting. She had been looking forward to something warm to drink and something to eat. But then she had discovered the group of warriors and decided that she would better keep an eye on them. And so, she was sitting on a tree now, still hungry and a bit pissed at herself. The next time she would go hunting. She would take something to eat and drink with her. But tonight, she would stay hungry. Because she would not leave the oak she was sitting on before the men would ride back to the road and leave the valley. Till then she would not let men out of her sight. So, for better or for worse she would be spending the night in the branches of this oak.

Down on the forest ground, some men laid down, while two of them stayed awake and kept watch. Once in a while, they exchanged some words, and laughter was carried up to her hideout. But from one minute to the other, they were silent. One of the men went to the north end of the camp and seemed to be looking for something. He stood there for a minute or two. Then, he whistled quietly. The other man turned to him and a wordless conversation seemed to be going on. They stood a quick moment still then one of the men turned around and woke up the men at the fire.

Shaylee heard whispers, but she could not hear what they were saying. Nor did she see what the man saw. Attentively she let her eyes glide over the bottom of the valley. She had a better view from where she was sitting then the men below, but it still took her a while till she saw what the man did see. Men were men coming up the hill. They had their weapons drawn and Shaylee found it hard to believe that they had peaceful intentions. The men in the swale seemed to think the same thing and prepared for battle. Shaylee was impressed with how fast they seemed to be ready for battle.

“They sure found us quickly.”, she heard one of the men say.

“Well wasn’t that the plan?”, another answered, and Shaylee was a bit surprised because she heard something like anticipation in his voice.

A soft laugh was carried up to her by the wind. Then the first man asked a bit more seriously: “How many men do you see, Finan?”

“9 comin' at us from the street. But these are the only ones coming I will be walking the rest of the way.”, the man answered, still with amusement in his voice.

Another man turned at him and grinned: “Well now, I almost wished they were no more.”

Shaylee observed the men in the clearing with growing disbelief. How could they face a fight with such ease? However, the man was right. Shaylee could see them. They were coming from the East and would be at the clearing in a couple of moments. Shaylee could count about 10 men. So, these five men below her tree in the swale would have to kill each about 4 men. Shaylee let her gaze slide over the men and wondered if it wouldn’t be a better idea to get the hell away from this clearing. Or at least tell the men that they will be attacked by more than one side. But then the decision was taken from her. Three of the Five Men had just retreated into the forest when the first attackers broke out of the trees. They charged at the two men left behind and for a moment Shaylee thought they would overrun the men at the fire. But these two men were incredibly fast on their feet and handled the 9 men with such somnambulistic ease that astonished Shaylee. And then just as the fight was coming to a head and the men were increasingly under pressure. The rest of the men cam ran out of the forest and joined them in the fight. The fight was frantic and violent. One of them stumbled and fall. Another jumped at his side and covered him, while he got back on his feet again.

“Thanks, Uhtred.”, Shaylee heard him saying and this nearly made her fall off her oak.

Did she hear correctly or was she fooled by her ears? How many men were called Uhtred? How big was the chance, that she stumbled upon the man she was looking for here at the farthest end of Mercia? She narrowed her eyes and tried to get a better look at the men, who had been called Uhtred. But she did not get a good look. The fight was still going on and even though to defender were incredibly good fighters, they were slowly crowded together. Shaylee hesitated a split second. But then she made her decision. She took a deep breath and then pulled an arrow from her quiver.

It was the first time she took aim at a man and really intended to shoot and kill him. But this was a thought she had later, at this moment in time it was just a moving target. Like the rabbit, she had killed earlier that day. She let the arrow loose, saw him fly, and hit his target. She already had placed the next arrow on the bowstring when the man collapsed. He lay on the ground and he and the men around him stared at the arrow. Shaylee did not see that; she was busy shooting arrows from her bowstring. Every single one hit their target. And then there was no more man left to kill but one.

The call: “Let him live.”, reached Shaylee and she lowered her bow. She saw that all the defenders lived, no of them seemed to be badly hurt but they were still on guard. Shaylee did not blame them for not trusting her. For them, she was a ghost shooting arrows out of the dark. Shaylee stayed on her tree, while she watched what was going on the clearing. The only attacker left alive was disarmed and robbed of all his valuables, but then he was not killed. No, the leader bent down to him and spoke a few words to him. After then he was released and ran as fast as he could away. Shaylee looked after him and realized that now was the time to leave her hiding place.

She jumped off her tree and stepped into the light of the fire. The men turned at him and one of them made a surprised sound. She still had her bow in her hand and one arrow was lodged at the bowstring. She looked at the men and then asked, «Who of you is Uhtred?”

She had her suspicions, but firstly, she was not sure who he was, and secondly, she wanted to see him step forward.

The man who stood closest to her looked at her critically and asked: “Why you wanna know that?”

Shaylee turned surprised to her and looked at him. There was no doubt, that was an Irishman. His accent gave him away. To hear the familiar accent made her heart get heavy. But then she pushed the thought away. There was no time such thing as homesickness. So, she turned her gaze at the man she thought was Uhtred: “Are you Uhtred Ragnarsson? Saxon son of Ragnar, the Fearless?”

She imagined seeing a surprised expression running across his face. Then he nodded: “Yes, I am. And who are you?”

“I am Shaylee Ragnarottir.”, she answered and chuckled still in disbelief that she actually found the man she was looking so far away from civilization, “Ragnar, the Younger is my father.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End of the first chapter. Thank you very much for reading it!
> 
> So, what do you think? Do you like Shaylee and the beginning of her story in Wessex and Mercia? Is there anything you particularly liked or disliked?


	2. Chapter 2

Uhtred stared at Shaylee: “You are who?”

Shaylee grinned: “I am your niece.” She lowered her bow a bit more and as she still saw some lack of comprehension in his eyes, she explained: “Ragnar, the Young came to Ireland, when he was young?! He met my mother. And then”, she chuckled, “Well I guess you know, how children are born.”

She felt her cheeks turning warm and most probably red. And heard some of the men laugh.

Uhtred took a step towards her and Shaylee lowered her bow completely. He looked at her closely: “I can see it.” Shaylee frowned and Uhtred grinned: “You have the eyes of my brother and the hair of my sister.”

Shaylee did not mention that her hair actually was the same colour as her mother's. But she was happy that he saw some resembles between her and her father: “Really?”

Uhtred grinned and pulled her into an embrace: „He never spoke of you.“

Shaylee froze for a moment. She was surprised and hurt to hear that. She knew that her father left Ireland and that he never intended to come back. But why did he never mention her or her mother? Her mother always said that they loved each other. So why did he renege them? She shook of these sad thoughts and took a step back. She nodded at the bodies of the attackers and asked: “Are there more to come?”

Uhtred shook his head: “I do not think so. And if they do, we'll take care of them.”

“I do not doubt that, but maybe it would be smart to move to a place a bit more secure and sheltered?”, Shaylee proposed and smiled slightly. “There is a shelter nearby. We would have a rockface in the back, so we could not be surrounded.”

Shaylee led the men to the shelter she had built. She knew that through the winter months it would not be intelligent to wander the lands. But also, she had not wanted to stay in a city, where she would have to answer questions, where she was from and more importantly would have to pay for a recommendation. And to be honest, she simply did not have the means for an entire winter in an Inn. This was the reason why she had been more than happy when she found this cave in the hillside of the valley. She had covered the entrance of the cave with tree trunks and then covered them up with branches and rocks. Now she hoped that the entrance to her temporary home was barely seen if you did not know what to look for. And indeed, when she stopped and turned around to the men, she looked into wondering faces. She smiled and started to unbolt the entrance.

The men looked astonished at the small covered up entrance. Shaylee saw the looks on the men’s faces and said: “It is not a lot. But it is a roof over my head and walls that protect you from wind and storm. It is all I need for now.”

She opened the door to the shelter and Uhtred and the Irishman entered. The other men stayed outside, she heard that they gathered wood and started a fire at the fireplace.

The men looked around even though it was so dark, that they could not have seen much. Shaylee which knew were the candles and lanterns were started to light them up and slowly the cave was illuminated by flickering light.

She pointed to the table, which stood on a stone ledge, which was also suitable as a bench. He was covered by rabbit furs, so you did not have to sit on the cold stone.

Uhtred chuckled: “I see you were busy. That’s quite a comfortable home.”

Shaylee looked up at him, while she poured in some ale into three cups. He looked impressed and she had to smile a bit. She almost responded to the flatterers, but then she told herself that she had more important questions. And asked instead: “So, who the hell is hunting you?”

The Irishman laughed and said: “It might not have looked like it, but it was a trap.”

“A trap.”, Shaylee stated dryly.

“One of his plans.”, he replied and pointed at Uhtred.

Shaylee handed them a cup and stated the obvious: “You are Irish?”

He nodded and grinned: “As are you. I am called Finan. How is my wonderful island?”

Shaylee frowned, Finan, this name let a bell ring in the back of her mind. But she could not tell which and why she was ringing. She quickly pushed the thought aside, if it was something important, it would come back to her.

“ _Chomh glas agus iontach agus a bhí riamh._ ”, she answered instead and smiled at him. It felt good to speak in her mother tongue and she saw how his eyes lighted up.

Uhtred watched them and she saw a tiny sympathetic smile. She was sure, that he did not understand a word she just said, but he seemed to understand how good it felt, to hear his mother tongue after a long time. Then he looked at her and said: “So, what did bring you here?”

Shaylee hesitated a moment before she said: “There was nothing left keeping me back home and I always wanted to see the land my father called home.” She let out a big part of the truth. But she did not feel that this was the time or the place to share all the information. First, she had to get the know man her father called brother.

„You know?“, Uhtred asked carefully.

Shaylee nodded: “That my father was killed? Yes, I am aware of that. I also know that he was revenged.” She looked at Uhtred and smiled gravely: “Thank you for that.”

Uhtred smiled slightly but the smile reached not his eyes. Then he asked: “Did you know him at all?”

„Yeah, but not well. I was a little girl when he left.“, she grinned a bit as she looked at Uhtred, „He left because he was told you killed his father.“

„I did not.“, Uhtred answered a bit harshly. But Shaylee did not take it personally, she heard the story and knew, that this lie cost him a lot. So, she said quickly: „I know. Do you think I would have been looking for you if I believed you killed my grandfather?”

“You have been looking for me?”, he asked and seemed to be a bit surprised.

Shaylee laughed: “Yes, I did. I have to say, it was easier to find you then I thought it would be.”

Uhtred stayed silent for a while and this made Shaylee uncomfortable. Somehow, she never thought about, what she would do if Uhtred would not want her in his household. What if he didn’t trust her. He was a lord and as a lord, he was responsible for the safety of his people. And even if he decided that she was not a risk. Why would he take her in? She was just the daughter of a dead relative. She looked down on her cup and said then: „I don’t expect anything from you. You do not have to take me in or care for me. I am old enough to care for myself. I simply wanted to know the ones I have left to call family.“

He looked at her a bit shocked: “Of course you can stay with me. You are family.” He hesitated and smiled a bit: “It is just, we are not going home right away. We have some matters to handle before we turn South and to Coccham.” He stood up and came to her. He put a finger under her chin, so she had to look at him. Surprisingly, he was smiling: “How good are you with your bow? Was that before only good luck?”

“I do NOT need good luck to hit my target.", she replied a bit offended, that he questioned her skills.

“Thought so.”, Finan grinned, “We could need a good bowman or in this case bowwoman.”

Shaylee looked at the Irishman and then to Uhtred: “Of course I will help however I can. But what should I help you with?”

“Well, that’s the other part of the plan Uhtred does not have figured out, quite.”, Finan chuckled.

Shaylee rose her eyebrows and Uhtred explained: “We are on our way to a Dane camp near the border. They have been raiding into the lands of Mercia.”

“And you are going to revenge that?!”, Shaylee asked although it was more a statement than a question.

Uhtred nodded: “We can’t let them get away with that. Our border must be strong and currently, it seems like they can cross them without punishment.”

“So, you are truly on the side of the Saxons.”, Shaylee stated and looked at the man who, on the outside, looked like a Dane. His hair long but shaved off at the side of his head. A sword on his back and a necklace with Thor’s hammer around his neck. And still, he fought against the Danes and not with them.

„I am on my side.“, Uhtred said silently but firmly and Shaylee knew that here and now was not the place or the time to question his loyalty. It did not matter anyway. He was family, and she would stand with him, no matter on which side he stood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:  
> “Chomh glas agus iontach agus a bhí riamh.” Irish for “As green and beautiful as ever.”
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

When she left the shelter sometime later, it was already getting brighter and at the horizon, she saw the first light of the new day. The men were still laying around the fireplace. One was standing some steps away and kept watch. When she stepped out of the cave, he gave her a quick glance and smiled friendly. He was dressed like a monk, what Shaylee made wonder, what kind of monk would travel with a group of warriors. She smiled back to him and turned then to a tree nearby. In its branches, she had hidden a box with her stock for the winter. It was not a lot, but she had managed to get enough salt to be able to preserve enough meat to get through a winter. She had pulled the box up with a strong rope. She flinched when a voice behind her said, “Just like home.”

She turned around and saw Finan standing a couple of steps behind her. As she reached for the rope, he stepped forward and laid a hand on hers, “I can do that.”

“I do not need your help.”, Shaylee said and wanted to push his hand softly aside.

Finan smiled, “Oh I do know that. But that does not mean you have to. Besides, I would like to do it. A bit like home.”

Shaylee hesitated another moment then she took a step back. She watched Finan as he broadly grinning, untied the knot and gently lowered the box. She had to admit that it probably would have taken here longer.

“How long since you have been back in Éire?”, she asked as she opened the box and started to pack the food in a bag.

“Years and years.”, was the vague answer and as she looked up at Finan, expecting some kind of emotion in his face, she looked into an unemotional mask.

She immediately regretted the question and quickly lowered her head. He clearly did not want to talk about it, so she handed him some jerky and pointed at the men at the fire, “They might like some breakfast.”

His face lit up and he nodded. At the fireplace, the men still were sleeping but when Finan came closer they woke up so quickly that Shaylee figured they did probably not sleep too well. She smiled at them as she went back into her cave and started to pack all the things she did not want to let behind. She didn't pack much. But she had some valuables that were dear to her. There's no way she'd leave them behind. Besides, she doubted they'd stop here on their way back.

After she finished, she sat to the men at the fire. They had heated up some ale and Shaylee gratefully took the cup one of the men handed her.

It was the men dressed as a monk. He noticed her look and smiled, “I think we haven’t spoken before. I am Osferth.”

“Are you a monk?”, Shaylee wondered, pointing at his robe.

“Yeah, he is our Baby monk.” Finan laughed, “Fortunately he became a better warrior than a monk.”

Shaylee looked at the man around the fire. Yesterday, she had been too busy to notice the differences between them. Next to the Christian monk, sat a Dane with Thor’s hammer around his neck. Peacefully eating his breakfast. As Finan made his joke he chuckled. She had heard so much about the fight between this to groups, that she found it difficult to believe, that a Dane and a Christian could be friends. But they were, this was obvious.

The Dane was called Sihtric. Besides them, there was another man called Father Pyrlig. He was a real priest. What he did here among these warriors was another riddle for Shaylee, but what did she know. He would have his reasons.

After the small breakfast, they got on their horsebacks, Shaylee behind Uhtred. He promised that as soon as they join the rest of the group, she would get her own horse. But Shaylee did not mind. She actually enjoyed it. Uhtred explained what they were planning to do, while they left the valley and turned north. As soon as they would meet up with the other group of warriors, they would ride to the border of Mercia. The Danes, she had the pleasure to meet yesterday had been a smaller group also belonging to the same group of Danes. They had been raiding through some villages. Uhtred and his men stumbled on them and decided that they would not make it back to their camp.

“Unfortunately, there were some more Danes than we thought, and they came after us when they spotted our tracks.”

“And then you figured why not wait for them on a clearing, they can easily surround and surprise you while you are sleeping?”, Shaylee asked sarcastically.

Finan chuckled and Uhtred shrugged his shoulders, “They were too sure of their victory and became cocky. Cocky warriors are easier to kill than cautious ones.”

“Yeah, it really looked easy.”, Shaylee meant dryly.

Finan turned to her and grinned: “It wouldn’t be fun if it would be too easy.”

Shaylee’s eyebrows rose: „Is that what you call fun?“

„You don’t?“

Shaylee frowned and already wanted to say no, but then she smiled: „Yeah, maybe a little bit.“

„Thought so.“, Finan stated and grinned broadly. But Shaylee was shocked about herself. Did she really enjoy killing men? She thought back how she had shot one arrow after another and how she felt this excitement. At no point in time, she had thought about the fact that these were men she was killing. For her, they only had been targets she had to hit. Suddenly nausea rose in here and she nearly had to throw up. As she looked up from the back of her Uhtred, she met the eye of Osferth. He smiled at her encouragingly and directed the conversation in another direction.

They rode for the entire day and stayed the night near a small river. The next day they would meet the other group and the day after that, the battle would be. Shaylee had been enjoying riding with the group and she loved the evening. They were near the border of Mercia and the men were on watch, yet the mood was relaxed. Shaylee got to hear stories of how they fought the Danes or how they had outdone some Saxons they did not like. Shaylee enjoyed listening to these stories. Back home, she would have been sent to the hall with the women. They would have said, “These kinds of talks do not suit a young woman.”

„So how did you end up over here in Wessex?“, she asked Finan, who sat next to here at the fire. Finan froze for a tiny moment, it was so short, that Shaylee wasn’t sure if he really did freeze. Then he smiled and turned to her: „Its a long story. A story for a night with lots and better ale than this one.“

Shaylee was still not sure, if he really did frieze before, but went with her gut and noted: „As long as you pay for the ale.“

He laughed: „You got yourself a deal.” He winked at her and they both laughed.

As she looked up from her cup of ale, her eyes met those of Uhtred as he watched her. There was something in his gaze that she could not quite interpret. He stood up and laid a hand on her shoulder: “You should lie down. It was a long day and it is going to be an even longer day tomorrow and I guess you barely got any sleep last night.”

„Of course. As you wish, uncle.“, she said with a slight smile.

As she walked to the tree where she had prepared herself a bed with her furs, she heard Finan smirking, “Well, I am pretty sure, that she will not often follow your orders that quickly.”

Shaylee grinned, he might be right with that. But tonight, she did not object to the order, because she really was quite tired.

She slept through the whole night and for the first time in quite a while, she did not wake up because of bad dreams. As she woke up the next morning, the men were already getting ready for the departure. Puzzled she looked around. She had expected to be woken up for her watch at some point. But now, it was already morning and there was no point in keeping watch anymore.

She sighed and went to the river to wash the last tiredness from her face. As she came back, Sihtric handed her some jerky and ale. She gratefully took the breakfast. While she ate the food, she asked him, why no one woke her up for her shift.

He looked at her astonished and then said: “Your uncle said that we should let you rest.

“So, he said.”, Shaylee said dryly and looked at her uncle. She would have to have a talk with him and explain she did not need any special treatment. Sihtric looked at her a bit puzzled but also with a slight smile as he exchanged a look with Finan.

Finan grinned and said quietly: “I told him, that she would not be happy about it.”

A short time later they were on the road again. This time, Shaylee sat behind Sihtric. Uhtred told her to jump off the horse and hide in case they would be attacked. To which Shaylee replied that she certainly would not hide. For a short moment, she thought Uhtred would tell her to do what he told her, but then he simply said, she should hold on to her bow and stay out of the way. And this was something Shaylee could do; her bow was always by her side anyway.

While yesterday the men did speak and laugh a lot, they did not talk that much today. The men were alert, and everyone seemed to be relieved when they reached a forest and a whistle sounded. Uhtred made the other men stop and rode together with Finan some steps into the forest. Shaylee peeked out from behind Sihtric and tried to see what was going on in the forest. But couldn't see anything. After a short time, Uhtred and Finan returned. With them was another man. He had been stationed here, to watch for them and guide them to the camp of the other group. The camp was deep in the forest and Shaylee was astonished about the large number of men camping her.

Sihtric helped her to get down of the horse and stayed with her, while Uhtred disappeared in a tent nearby with Finan and Father Pyrlig.

“You don’t have to babysit me.” Shaylee said to Sihtric, “I will be alright on my own.”

Sihtric looked down to her and smiled, “Your uncle told me to stay by your side. And he is right, you know. You are in a camp full of warriors who do not know you. They could mistake you for a spy or even a whore. It would be useless to tell them, that you are the niece of Lord Uthred. This is why I will stay by your side, till your uncle tells me otherwise.”

Shaylee sighed and pulled a face; she knew that it would be useless to discuss with Sihtric. He had an order and would not ignore it. So, she gave in and followed him to the place where Osferth had sat down. As Shaylee and Sihtric sat down he looked up and smiled at them.

“Where did Uhtred and Finan go?”, Shaylee asked after a while.

Osferth looked at her and shrugged his shoulders: “I guess they discuss the plan of the attack tomorrow with Lord Aldhelm.” When he saw her asking look, he explained: “Lord Aldhelm is the commander of the household guard of the Lady of Mercia.”

It seemed to be difficult to figure out a plan because it was already evening when Uhtred and Finan came back and sat down at the fire. Another man walked with them and Shaylee figured that this had to be Lord Aldhelm. She looked at him and was surprised how unimpressive he looked. Where she came from, the commanders looked scary and wild. But as she looked at him, she had a hard time imagen him fighting off Danes. And he seemed to be friendly. He smiled at her as Uhtred introduced them although she was pretty sure, he did not know how to rate her.

Osferth and Sihtric exchanged a look, before Osferth asked, “So, do we have a plan?”

Uhtred sighed and nodded, “Yes, we do.”

Shaylee waited for him to explain the plan, as he did not, she asked: “And the plan is?”

Finan looked up from his bowl of stew and smiled slightly. Uhtred also looked at her and after another moment he put down the bowl and explained the plan.

There would be a smaller group of fighters and bowmen, which would sneak up at the camp and try to elicit the Danes out of their camp and into the forest. In the forest, they would lure the Danes to an area in which a lot of boulders and hills were. And there the bigger part of their army would hide. As soon as the Danes were between these boulders all the warriors would attack.

The plan seemed to make sense, as far as Shaylee could judge. What did not make sense was the order Uhtred gave her. She should stay in the camp and “keep watch”.

“And what exactly should I be watching?”, she asked deadpan, “Maybe the deer’s or the rabbits?”

On the other side of the fire, she heard something that sounded like Finan had just choked on his stew. But for once she did not look at him but stared at her uncle.

Uhtred looked at her and said distinctly: “You will not be near the fight. This is too dangerous for you.”

“Funny. How do you think you can decide what’s too dangerous for me?”, Shaylee answered and looked her uncle straight in the eye, “I will not wait here while you all risk your life. I will be there, and I will fight. You might remember, I am not too bad with my bow.”

Uhtred looked at her and he seemed to be really angry: “There is a difference between sitting in a tree and shooting arrows out of cover and a fight in open ground.”

Shaylee massaged the bridge of her nose in frustration and then looked urgently at Uhtred, «Uncle I am not asking! Tell me where I should fight, or I will find a place myself.” She made a short pause and added: “And I will shoot every single man trying to stop me from doing that.”

Uhtred looked at her and stayed silent for a while then he sighed and gave in, “Alright. But you won’t fight in the midst of the battle. You will find yourself a place where you can’t get attacked.

Shaylee hesitated to say yes but then realized that she got him to agree, that she would fight, and he would not give in more. So, she nodded and agreed to his terms.

“You are quite a negotiator,” Finan said as they walked to their tents later that night. He smiled at her and there even seemed to be something like admiration in his voice.

She smiled back at him and shrugged with her shoulders: “I was right, and I knew it and Uhtred also knew it. So, there was no point in giving in.”

Finan chuckled, “Well, I am not sure if he sees it the same way. But for what it's worth I think you are right.”

Shaylee laughed and looked up to him: “Oh, you know. I am often right. It’s for the best if you all get used to it.”

Finan was still laughing as they said their goodnights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

When Shaylee woke up the next morning, she did not feel rested at all. She did not sleep well, but for once it was not because of her past but of her future. What was she thinking when she told her uncle to let her fight? She had no idea about fighting. Of course, she was not too bad with her bow but was she really ready to go into a real battle. But anyway, she had talked big the previous night, so she couldn't back down anymore. That had now earned her her big mouth.

She still felt nauseous when she later climbed onto a big boulder and got ready for battle. The area where the fight would be if everything worked out as Uhtred and the other men had planned was covered with bigger and smaller boulders. Shaylee wondered where they came from because there was not a bigger mountain nearby, from which they could have rolled down. However, the boulders were the best thing that could happen to an army with a smaller number of men. Between the boulders was only enough place for one to maybe six men in a line. The attackers would have to line up and the defenders could kill them one after the other.

Shaylee just had pierced some arrows into the layer of earth that covered the boulder on the upper side. As she heard someone climbing up to her. She turned around and saw her uncle standing up. He looked at her, her bow in her hand and the arrows stuck in the earth. Then he looked back at her and surprisingly he smiled. He stepped closer and laid a hand on her cheek and put his forehead against hers. Shaylee closed her eyes and enjoyed the closeness and that familiarity. All her life she had felt like she did not belong to anyone or anywhere. But at this moment she knew that she had found her place. She felt that Uhtred had opened his eyes and opened hers. He looked at her and said “Be careful, hit your targets and if the battle turns to the wrong side, get the hell away from here. Go to Aegelesburg. Tell them Uhtred of Bebbanburg sent you and let them bring you to the Lady of Mercia. Then you tell her what has happened here and who you are. She will take you into her household and look after you. If I survive, I will come for you.”

Shaylee gulped heavily but then said decisively: “We will not fail, and I will not go the Aegelesburg alone.”

Uhtred chuckled, but then said seriously, «Promise me you'll do what I just told you to do."

Shaylee heard his serious tone and swallowed her pride. She nodded, “Yes I will ride to Aegelesburg and wait there for you. But you will come. Today it’s not the day. You will have to tell me more about my father, my grandfather, my heritage. You have to tell me where I am coming from.”

Uhtred smiled but did not say anything to that. But before he jumped off the boulder, he turned back to her and said broadly grinning: “Give them hell.”

He jumped off the boulder and Shaylee watched him get to his horse. But then she took a deep breath and concentrated on the task in front of her. She got her arrows ready and draw her bow. As she prepared herself, she saw how the part of the army left, which would lure the Danes to them. With them were Uhtred, Finan and Osferth. Of the group of men, she had arrived at the camp with only Sihtric stayed behind. He had placed himself not that far away from her and she had no doubt that her uncle had ordered him to stay near her. When their eyes met, he smiled at her and she smiled back. Even though she did not feel like smiling at all.

When she had prepared everything, there was nothing left for her to do but wait. And so, she waited. It felt like she spent hours laying on that boulder waiting for the sound of hoofbeats on the forest floor. She knew that she was in the midst of more than a hundred men, but still, she felt as alone as never before. No one spoke and even the animals of the forest seemed to feel the tension in the air. She did not hear one bird sing. It was just quiet. And then she heard it. First, it was only a quit echo, but then it got louder and louder until the whole forest was filled with the sound of horses. In the corner of her eyes, she saw the Saxon warriors racing by and then the Danes were there.

All around her she heard screams and shouts and suddenly she felt really calm. She jumped on her feet and took aim at her first victim. It was a fat Dane, but he was surprisingly fast. But he was a good target because he was so fat, a lot of surfaces she could aim at. She let the arrow loose and saw how it hit his target. The next arrow was already nocked at her bowstring as he collapsed. After that, she Shaylee did not pause for a second. All she could think about was: aim, shoot, next arrow, next target, and the whole circle started all over again. She did not know; how much time had gone by as she realized that she had a big grin on her face.

As her gaze glided over the fighting men, looking for her next victim, her eyes fell on Finan. The Irishman had just finished off a Dane and as he looked up, their eyes crossed and for a tenth of a second, they grinned at each other. She was not sure if she saw it right, but it even had seemed as he had winked at her before he had turned around and charged at another Dane. Shaylee also got back to work. The next time her glaze fell on Finan, he was fighting with two Danes. Shaylee shortly thought about taking care of one, but then decided that he seemed to have everything under control. She already wanted to turn away from him, as her eyes fell on a Dane, sneaking up on Finan from behind. Even though Finan seemed to be more than able handling two Danes, Shaylee was quite sure, that three would be a too big challenge. She took aim at the third Dane and shoot him, just as he wanted to attack Finan.

She took a deep breath and was about to find a new target when she saw something coming at her in the corner of her eye. She wanted to turn her head to the movement when she felt the impact of something heavy and quite unpleasant. She stumbled some steps back and realized in horror that she had lost the ground beneath her feet. She hit the ground hard and for a moment she only saw stars dancing in front of her eyes. But then she got a painful kick against her upper arm and someone stood on her leg. This was what made her realize that she had to get up immediately. If she stayed on the ground, she would be trampled by the fighting men around her. Not the way she wanted to leave this earth.

Panting, she got up to her feet and looked around. She was in the midst the battle and for a moment she felt panic. Then she calmed herself down, the spear sticking out of her shoulder, seemed to not have done too much damage. With a quick movement, she pulled it out and throw it away. Something she regretted immediately. Now she was without any weapon. Sure she still had her bow in her hand, but without arrows, he was of limited use and to make matters worse, she now found herself facing a Dane, charging at her. She stumbled aside and escaped the first blow with his axe. The Dane needed a short time to regain his balance and, in this time, Shaylee used to look around for a weapon. She saw one quickly, what was good, what was bad, was the fact that it was laying behind the Dane. Kind of made it hard for her to get to it. She looked at the Dane and studied him. If she had not only her bow but also her arrows with her, she probably wouldn’t had be afraid of him, but now the situation was difficult. Her eyes jumped between him and the spear she needed to survive this battle. Then she decided on a strategy.

“Was that all you got?”, she asked him broadly grinning. “I am sorry, but I expected more. Can’t you get a hold of a simple girl without any weapon.”

She wanted to piss him off and if the Dane would have been smart, he would have understood, what Shaylee was trying to achieve but obviously he was not that smart. He screamed and charged at her again. Shaylee ducked and rolled away from him. She gritted her teeth when her shoulder made itself painfully noticeable. But it had been worth it, now she was in reach of the spear and just wanted to grab it, as she felt the hit of the axe.

The Dane had been faster than she expected and had hit her at the upper left arm. While she had barely noticed the injury of the spear, this now really hurt. The pain radiated in waves from her arm in the rest of her body. She smelt blood and black spots started to dance in front of her eyes. She wanted to lift the spear, but her left arm with which she held the spear, did no longer obey her. She stared at the axe above her and was sure that this very weapon would end her life in a few moments. In a panic, she reached for the spear with her right hand and thankfully got a hold on it. But she would have been lost if she wouldn’t have been saved by good luck. Just as the Dane wanted to finish her off, another warrior pumped into him and he stumbled. He lost his balance and fell directly in the spear she had managed to lift a bit. The axe still in his hand he got to lay on top of her. The impact pressed all the air out of her lungs. She gasped for air and tried to push the body away from her, but he was too heavy, and her strength was slowly fading. The dark spots in front of her eyes became bigger and bigger until finally, she only saw darkness. The roar of the fight seemed to become quieter and quieter until she only was surrounded by darkness. The last thought she could hold on to, was the question if this were what dying felt like. Then everything went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I say it, this was the chapter, which was probably the hardest to write, but also to most fun. I hope you enjoy the story and thank you very much for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

The first thing Shaylee perceived was that the heaviness on her chest suddenly disappeared. She could breathe more easily and the pain in her chest disappeared more or less.

“I found her. She is here.”, a familiar voice reached her, and she felt a hand on her cheek, “She is alive. Thank god she is alive.” She was shaken slightly, and the voice spoke again: “Shaylee? Can you hear me? _An gcloiseann tú mé?_ ”

Shaylee wanted to say anything, let them know, that she indeed did heard him, but all she could produce was a moan. The man touched her shoulder and his hand slid down to her forearm. This touch sent flashes of pain through her whole body, making her whimper. She heard him breathing heavily, "Jesus."

She was lifted up and the world got dark again, the last thing she heard was someone saying. “ _A Stór, beidh gach rud go breá_. It will be alright. Just hold on a little longer.”

The next time regained conciseness it was because she felt a burning hot pain on her arm. She opened her eyes wide and screamed. She wanted to rear up, but two hands hold her down merciless.

“Shhhh. Shhhh. Shaylee hold still! It will be over soon. It will be alright.”, someone said to her and as she heard these words the burning disappeared only the pain stayed, and she felt a heavy pounding in her shoulder. She already wanted to take a relieved breath as the burning pain returned even stronger than before. This time it was too much for Shaylee and with a whimper, she glided back into the darkness.

She was laying on furs when she woke up the next time. She heard steps nearby and wanted to open her eyes. But her eyelids were too heavy, so she lay there trapped in darkness. Only hearing what happened around her.

“I should never have let her fight.”, she heard the voice of her uncle silently.

For a second there was silence, and Shaylee already thought that he was speaking to himself when she heard Finan reply: “Don’t be foolish. She would have been there whether you would have allowed her to or not.” She heard a chuckled: “And besides that, she did good. She was exactly where she should have been. It is in her blood.”

“She did.”, her uncle agreed, and the steps stopped next to her head. She felt a soft touch on her cheek, and he said within a low voice, “She can’t die. I do not know, how I should explain it to my brother if she does. He would never forgive me.”

“Stop it. She will not die. She is half Irish. And we Irish do not die that easily. We are too tough to get killed by one single axe hit.”

Shaylee wanted to agree with her fellow Irishman, bus she could neither speak nor move. It was like she was being held down by an invisible force.

She did not know how often she woke up from her powerlessness and how long she lay helplessly on her bed of skins. When she was once again close to the surface of her consciousness, she perceived someone changing her bandages. She heard a female voice, “What were you thinking? Women do not belong on a battlefield.”

“You are welcome to explain that to her as soon as she is back on her feet. But I doubt that you will have more success than Lord Uhtred had.”, a man replied.

The first time, Shaylee woke up and felt possible to open her eyes, her sight was so blurred, that she could not recognize two the man sitting next to her side was until he sat up and asked uncertainly: “Shaylee? Are you awake?”

“ _Uisce_ ”, was the only word she could produce.

“What, did you say?” the man asked.

“ _Uisce_ ”, she repeated feeling more and more helpless.

The man stood up and reached for her hand: “I do not understand. Hold on. I will fetch for Lord Uhtred.”

He left the room; she was laying in and let her alone. She stared at the closed door and already felt the darkness reaching her again when the door was pushed open and smashed loudly against the wall.

A shape with the voice of her uncle sat down beside her bed and reached for her hand, “Shaylee here you are again. Everything will be alright. Do you hear me? You are in Aegelesburg now.”

Shaylee squeezed the hand of her uncle and she wanted to reassure him, that she would be okay. Her thoughts were revolved around how thirsty she was.

“ _Uisce_ ”, she said again, this time nearly begging.

She saw how her uncle looked up and asking: “What is she saying?”

“ _Uisce_ ”, she whispered again and then she heard footsteps.

A cup was held to her lips and carefully lifted. A gentle voice said: “Here we go. Slowly there is enough water you don’t have to hurry.” To the rest of the room, Finan said: “She was asking for water. I think she will be alright.”

She heard how Uhtred besides her took a deep breath and squeezed her hand: “Yes. Of course, you will be alright.”

Shaylee held on to the hand until she glided back in the darkness.

As she woke up the next time, she felt less tired and knocked out. She opened her eyes and after a couple of blinks, she was able to see clearly.

“Finally, I can see again.”, she mumbled as she looked around and saw Finan sitting by her side. His eyes were closed, and his chest raised and lowered itself regularly. She figured that he was sleeping and somehow it felt reassuring watching him sleep. He looked peaceful, as sitting in his chair like that, his eyes closed and with a relaxed facial expression. She saw his hair tousled brown hair, his smile wrinkles. Had it not been for the scar on his forehead, he would never have been taken for the warrior he was. Shaylee thought back to the fight. She had watched him as he had fought off two Danes at once. And she was fairly sure, that she had never seen a man fight so fast and yet elegantly. To be fair, she had not seen a lot of fights. As a woman, she always had to stay behind and in alehouse brawls barley ever a sword was drawn.

Shaylee did not know, how long she watched Finan. But as he started to move, she quickly closed her eyes. Suddenly it felt like she had invaded his privacy and so she waited for the sounds of him being awake until she slowly and seemingly dozily opened her eyes. She looked at him and saw him smiling at her.

_“Fáilte ar ais._ ”, he said and leaned forward.

Shaylee smiled and suddenly she realized that she did not know, how the fight had ended. She wanted to sit up, but then she drew in the air sharply as her arm pave way under her and a sharp pain shot through her arm.

Finan was immediately at her side and helped her to sit up. «Careful you took quite a beating there.”

“Did we win?”, she asked him, ignoring the pain in her arm.

Finan smiled and nodded: “Yeah, don’t worry everything went as it was planned.” He stopped and his gaze fell on her arm: “Well, almost everything went as it was planned.”

Shaylee exhaled a sigh of relief and let her head sink back into the pillows. Just to sit up again, “My uncle…?”

“He is safe and sound. He is in the throne room. Debating over some important politic matters, I am sure. I will fetch him and as soon as the witan is over, he will come.”, Finan answered and smiled at her: “You gave us quite a scare. I haven’t seen Lord Uhtred that alarmed in a long time.”

“ I am good. There’s no need to make such a fuss about me.”, Shaylee claimed and tried to move her right arm. As soon as she had lifted it, a short but sharp pain shoot in her arm and she immediately lowered her arm again.

“Yeah, you are good. Sure. You just slept for more than a week, but you are good. As long as you believe yourself.”, Finan said dryly and went to the door, “Wait here while I will fetch Lord Uhtred.”

“I am not sure if I can wait. I had planned to stretch my legs a bit.”, Shaylee returned as dry as he had spoken before.

Finan laughed softly as he left the room and did not return for a while. When he stepped back into the room. Uhtred followed him to his foot. When he saw Shaylee, a smile spread across his face and he said: “You are awake!”

“Yeah, sorry I heard I missed a couple of days.”, Shaylee smiled sheepishly. She looked around and asked, “And where are we now?”

“In Aegelesburg. You are guest in the house of the Lady of Mercia. You are safe here.”, her uncle answered and stepped to her bed. Shaylee smiled back at him. She couldn’t help but reach for his hand as soon as he had sat down next to her.

Then he sat down next to her again and for a moment he sat there silently, then he put his hand on her cheek and put his forehead to hers: „I was afraid I would lose you. Now that I’ve only just found you.“

Shaylee smiled and put her hand on his: „You’ll not get rid of me that easily“

For a while they both just sat silently with each other, then Shaylee started asking questions. Shaylee's memories stretched back to the moment the Dane had fallen on her. From then on, she did no longer have a clear memory. Her uncle answered all her questions and so she slowly got a picture of what happened after the battle.

After the fight, they hadn’t been able to find Shaylee anywhere for a quite a while and it took a long time until she was finally found by Finan. „I vaguely remember that,“ Shaylee smiled and looked gratefully over at Finan. He winked at her and said, „I’m particularly good at finding beautiful women.“

Uhtred threw a slightly reprehensive look at his friend and went on to tell her. She had been unconscious for nearly a week. They’d taken her to Aegelesburg. She was now lying in the palace of the Lady of Mercia. This astonished Shaylee somehow, but she said nothing. She was glad to lay in a soft bed and have a roof over her head.

Her uncle told her about the past days, until she had to yawn, and it became more and more difficult to keep her eyes open.

“You should rest.”, Uhtred said determined and pulled the blanket up to her chin, “Get some more rest. There will be more than enough time for storytelling.”

Shaylee was gonna protest, but then she realized that he was right. She could barely keep her eyes open. And she would probably fall asleep in a matter of minutes if she wanted or not. In fact, she would later not remember if she even saw her uncle closing the door of her chamber.

She slept the entire night and had to stay in her bed for another day. Just then, Eunice, the healer agreed to let her at least eat with her uncle and his men in the hall. From that day on, Eunice let Shaylee spend more and more time outside her chamber. Although she kept pointing out that Shaylee was an exceedingly difficult patient.

A week after Shaylee left her bed, she scolded once again, while she was changing her bandages, “If you were a little more considerate of your recovery, you wouldn't have so many bandages bleeding through.”

Finan just entered the room as Eunice left the room and rose his eyebrows: “What did you do to her?”

“If it was for her, I would only lay in my bed not moving and probably not even breath.”, Shaylee answered while she was adjusting the bandages, which Eunice always put on far too tight.

Finan came closer and put his hand on the bandages: “Let me help. It is easier with two hands.”

Shaylee bit her lips. She hated how much she needed help at that moment. But it did not help, so smiled gratefully at him while he loosened the bandages and uncovered the wound. She did not look as bad as she did when Eunice changed the bandages the first time, but it was still nothing pretty to look at. Shaylee almost felt the need to cover the wound, so Finan wouldn’t see it, what was foolish she knew, but she did not want him to see what she found disgusting. Finan realized her anxiety and made her look at him: “This is nothing that will harm your beauty in any way. It is just a story more you can tell.”

Shaylee rolled her eyes, “I would have preferred to tell the story without an ugly scar.”

“To be frank, I am happy you can tell the story at all.”, Finan replied and suddenly grimaced: “Sweet Jesus. What is that smell?”

“That would be the Ruprecht’s herb.”, Shaylee answered curling her nose, “Helps the wound to heal but smells like it was rotten.”

Finan looked at her in surprised and asked: “You know a lot about herbs?”

Shaylee shrug: “Not as much as my grandmother knew. She was the healer in our village and knew every herb and what it was good for. I may know a fraction of what she knew.”

Shaylee watched how Finan rearranged the bandages. From his fast and skilled moves, she could tell, that it was not the first time, he helped someone with bandages.

„Not the first time doing this, huh?“ grinned Shaylee at him.

He lifted his eyes from her arm and smiled slightly, „I’ve had a little practice.“

Finan finished up the bandages and just as he just tied up the ends, as the door opened and Uhtred entered the room. As he saw his friend sitting on Shaylee bedside handling the bandages he frowned: “What are you doing here?”

Shaylee answered instead of Finan: “He helps me with the bandages. Eunice seems to think that I do not need to feel anything in my arm, as tight as she puts it on.”

Finan stood up next to her bed and asked: “Better?”

Shaylee moved her arm a bit and then nodded: “Yes, thank you. The tingling in my fingers did stop.”

Finan laughed and then said: “Well then my job is done. You will find me in the hall with a huge cup of ale to celebrate my victory over the bandages.”

Shaylee grinned and said: “Save me a cup.”

“Always.”, Finan replied over his shoulder and then closed the door behind him.

Uhtred looked from the door to Shaylee and then back. It seemed like he wanted to say something but then he didn’t. Instead, he sat down on his chair and asked: “How do you feel?”

Shaylee shrugged her shoulder: “Good I would say. Can’t wait to finally get that arm sling off. Why are you asking?”

“I was thinking we might start thinking about making our way back to Coccham.”, he said and looked and Shaylee, “Do you think you can manage to travel with your arm?”

Shaylee started beaming all over her face: “Of course I can manage.”

Uhtred smiled and stood up: “Good then I will tell Osferth to get a cart. And then we can leave Aegelesburg.”

“A cart?”, Shaylee asked having a bad presentiment, “If you think that I will travel in a cart, you think wrong. I will not travel in a cart! Before I travel in a cart I walk.”

Uhtred frowned and said: “That's a day's ride. You sure you can handle it?”

Shaylee raised her chin and nodded: “Sure I can handle it.”

“Alright then. If you are sure about it.”, he stood up and looked at her. Shaylee smiled at him and felt like she saw something like proud in his eyes. He looked down at her and asked: “Will you join as in the hall? I think Lady Æthelflæd would like you to have you there.”

Shaylee stood up: “Of course I will join you in the hall. I have a cup of ale to get to.”

Uhtred chuckled and shook his head: “That’s pretty much what Ragnar would have said if he’d be here.”

Shaylee enjoyed the meals in the great hall. She loved to sit with her uncle at the table and listening to the daily politics. She found it interesting to see what it took for a country to prosper. And she was impressed by Lady Æthelflæd. The Lady of Mercia ruled the country with an intellect in which she was in no way inferior to any man. And even though she was so powerful she never seemed to be patronizing or arrogant. In a matter of facts, she often took the time, to explain to Shaylee why she decided how she had decided. Shaylee doubted that another king would have done that.

But as much as she liked the meals in the great hall and the wandering around the palace. She was excited when the time came, to leave and travel to Coccham. A place she hoped would become nothing less than her new home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “An gcloiseann tú mé?” Irish for “Do you hear me?”  
> “A Stór, beidh gach rud go breá” Irish for “Darling, everything will be alright”  
> “Fáilte ar ais.” Irish for “Welcome back”  
> “Uisce” Irish for “Water”
> 
> Thank you very much for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

The ride to Coccham was more than unpleasant. It didn’t take long till Shaylee realised that she should have accepted the cart. Even if it meant that her ego would have been damaged. After a half-hour, every step her horse took resulted in sharp pain in her shoulder. And this pain did not just stay there, it echoed in her entire body. After a short lunch break, she barely was able to get back on to the horse if it hasn’t been for Finan, who had helped her up with a knowing smile.

Her body was already numb and stiff when Uhtred bridled his horse to ride beside her. He smiled at her and pointed to the horizon: "Do you see down there? That's Coccham."

Shaylee followed his gaze and saw a little village surrounded by wooden walls. She smiled, mainly because she knew this meant that it was now only a matter of time till she could get off her horse. But also because for the first time she saw the village that she hoped one day would call her home.

Nevertheless, she barely noticed how she rode through the gates of the town the first time. As she finally got off her horse, she stumbled and would have fallen if it hadn't been for two strong hands, that grabbed her and held her upright. For a split second the world was turning, but then she looked up and looked into the worried face of Finan. He raised his eyebrow questioningly. Shaylee tried to smile at him, but all she was was able to do was a grimace.

“I might should have taken the option of the cart.”, she moaned as he helped her through the door of the hall. Her uncle had already entered the hall and now looked shocked at her. Beside him, was a woman with red hair standing. She held a bowl with food in her hand, but as she saw Shaylee entering the hall, she put the container on the table and quickly walked around the table. She looked just as shocked as Shaylee's uncle. But she quickly regained her composure. She grabbed Shaylee’s shoulders and scrutinised her closely.

“What happened to her?”, she asked as she put her hand on Shaylee’s forehead.

Finan told her in short sentences about the battle and her wound.

“Why on earth was she riding a horse?”, the woman asked vigorously.

Shaylee laughed dryly: “Mainly because of her ego.”

The woman looked down at her and asked, just as dry: “Does it hurt?”

“Enough that I will not get on a horse anytime soon.”, Shaylee mumbled and followed her gladly to a bench nearby. Finan stayed at her side and helped her to sit down. Shaylee smiled gratefully at him and then to her uncle, who still looked at her a little worried. Shaylee smiled and said, “Don’t worry. Just give me a minute to catch my breath.”

It took her more than just a minute. In fact, she spent the next couple of days in her bed again. Eadith, the woman with the red hair, seemed like an angle in this time. She stayed at Shaylee’s side. Barly left her bedside. She was the one exchanging the oozing bandages and instilled the little water that Shaylee could keep down. Eadith was also the one that brought Shaylee Thyme tea as she asked for it. And stroked her hair soothingly as she writhed in pain.

The ride to Coccham had been a bad idea, Shaylee knew that and decided, if she found herself in a similar situation again, to swallow her ego and just travel on a fucking cart. It took Shaylee four days till she made it from her bed to the large table in the hall without someone’s help.

Her uncle sat at the table, eating breakfast as she slowly walked down the stair. He disrupted the talk he had with a man and turned to her, as she sat down, “How do you feel?”

“Better, much better. Did you see, I made it all the way down without stopping once. This must be kind of record.”, Shaylee replied and grinned.

Uthred chuckled: “It sure is.” His glance slid over her, and he said: “You also look better. There is actually some colour on your cheeks.”

Shaylee smiled at him, and for the first time since she had arrived at Coccham, she felt like her usual self again. But still, it took longer than Shaylee had expected to settle in at Coccham. She wasn’t used to doing nothing all day, and here she had no job, and even if she had one, she couldn’t have done it for longer than a couple of hours. Because she was still too weak. It took her another week before she could walk longer distances again without feeling sick and having to sit down at the next best place.

But then she began to make forays. She walked all around the village. Now and then she was accompanied by Eadith. But she was also responsible for the upbringing of a little boy who, if the rumours were true, was the bastard of the King of Wessex. What exactly he was doing here in Coccham, Shaylee did not know. She did not ask her uncle either, as he was busy doing all the things that had not been done in his absence.

On one of these walks, she had found her way to the stables. In Ireland, she had always hidden in the barns. Since then, the smell of horses has somehow become comforting to her. In the past, she had used such places primarily to hide from people. Today it was more of secondary consideration. She just liked to have a place where she could be alone with her thoughts. And also, here in Coccham, she had found such a place. It was a small canopy that was strong enough to sit on. From there she could look up into the sky and watch the stars.

One night she was sitting again on the canopy and looked up to the stars. Like nearly every night, she had woken up, and instead of tossing and turning in her bed for hours, she had decided to get up and go for a walk around the nightly Coccham. She always enjoyed the silence of the night. It was so peaceful to hear nothing but the sound of the night. It calmed her down after another one of her nightmares.

She did not know why the nightmares had come back so suddenly. Until the day she arrived in Coccham, she had not had a single nightmare. She had already hoped that the time of awakening in the middle of the night was finally over. But then suddenly the dreams had started again. Maybe she had been too busy with the new situation before that she simply hadn't had time to have bad dreams. Or perhaps it had something to do with her injury. Maybe God had felt that she was tormented enough with the injury for a short time and that she was not also suffering from nightmares. However, it seems that he had changed his mind again as soon as the pain was no longer overwhelming. In any case, she had not slept through a night since that night. And so, she was sitting here staring up at the sky.

She was torn from her thoughts by a voice that asked, «What are you doing up there?"

Shaylee stretched her neck and peered down at the square in front of the stables and saw Finan standing below.

She grinned, "Hiding."

Finan looked a little surprised for a second and then looked around furtively and said, "Mind if I hide with you?"

Shaylee smiled and shook her head, "No, there's plenty of room for someone else to hide."

Finan hesitated briefly, then jumped up, grabbed the edge of the roof and pulled himself up. He sat down and leaned his head back against the wall. He looked at her and at the edge of the roof and asked wondering: “How did you get up here?”

Shaylee smiled and pointed at the ladder on the other side of the roof: “With that. It's more comfortable than your way, and I thought I shouldn’t risk to anger Eadith.”

“Smart decision. Always better to not to displease Eadith.” Finan chuckled.

They just sat there mute for a while, then Shaylee turned to Finan and said, "When did you get back?"

Uhtred's men had left a few days after they had arrived. It had been several weeks now. Shaylee had tried to find out where they had headed, but no one had given her a satisfactory answer.

"In the twilight," Finan replied, smiling at her.

Shaylee smiled, "And then straight to the Alehouse?"

Finan smiled, "After three weeks on the road, you've earned an ale."

They sat silently again for some time until Finan broke the silence. He didn't look at her, and spoke in a calm voice, "I'm not going to ask you why you're sitting up here in the middle of the night in a nightgown. That's your business. But I hope you know that you can ask for help. Lord Uhtred is a good man, and he will always have your back. I speak from experience."

Shaylee took a side glance at him and smiled, "Thank you. But I'm afraid I am beyond help."

Finan did not respond, and they just sat there silently for a long time. Shaylee was surprised that Finan didn't ask questions. Shaylee was also surprised by herself. She did not feel uncomfortable about the fact that he had pointed out that there probably would be a reason why she was sitting here on the canopy in the middle of the night.

After a longer pause, Finan chuckled. Shaylee looked at him and looked at him, questioning.

“As I was a small boy. I sneaked out of the house. Most times, they sent my aunt to find me. She knew all my hiding places, and she always found me. But she rarely brought me right back. Instead, she told me tales. Stories like the tales of the Children of Lir or the Voyage of Saint Brendan the Abbot.”, Finan was reminiscing.

“It was my grandmother telling me these tales.”, Shaylee remembered, “My favourite has always been the story about the Cattle Raid of Cooley.”

Finan laughed: “I am not surprised to hear that.”

Shaylee grinned and looked up at the stars. The night calmed her, and she enjoyed the peace, she felt at this moment.

Eventually, Shaylee startled. She must have fallen asleep with her head on Finan's shoulder. Shocked, she looked up at him and apologised stammering.

"How long was I asleep?" Shaylee asked and rubbed her eyes.

Finan smiled and waved away, "Not long."

Shaylee couldn't stand his gaze and looked up at the sky. There, she realised that the Great Bear had already made much of his way across the night sky. She must have slept for more than an hour. Shaylee looked up at Finan with a guilty conscience and apologised again.

Finan rolled his eyes, «Let it go. Everything is fine. You have nothing to apologise for." He smiled and then added, "But your bed is more comfortable than my shoulder. Come on, I'll take you home. before Uhtred sends out a search party for you."

He stood up and offered her his hand to help her up. Shaylee hesitated for a second, then she reached up and let him pull her up.

"I'm really sorry, I don't usually abuse strange men as sleeping cushions," she murmured again as they walked through the dark street toward her uncle's hall-like house.

"I do hope you don't think of me as a strange man," Finan replied and smiled at her.

Shaylee smiled, "Not as strange as I did a few weeks ago.”

Finan chuckled: “Fair enough. Did you settle in in Coccham in the meanwhile?”

Shaylee nodded: “Slowly but surely I am no longer constantly losing orientation in the village. Actually, it's a pity, I discovered some nice places because I got lost every once in a while.”

Finan smiled and said, "You'll definitely see more of the world if you don't always follow the paths you know."

“What a philosophical thought. Are you sure you're not a scholar rather than a warrior?” Shaylee chuckled and looked at him with risen eyebrows.

“No that would be Osferth.”, Finan replied, smiling.

Shaylee laughed. She wondered how and where her uncle found all these different kinds of men.

In the meanwhile, they had arrived at the front door of her uncle's house. Shaylee stopped at the door and turned to Finan. She smiled and thanked Finan for bringing her home.

"I was happy to do so. I can't let a pretty woman walk alone through the night," answered Finan and winked at her.

Shaylee rolled her eyes and opened the door but then turned back to him again, « _Oíche mhaith_ and get home safe, too. Or back to the alehouse."

She heard Finan laugh as she closed the door and went back to her bed. The rest of the night she, fortunately, slept through with out any bad dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oíche mhaith” Irish for “Good night.”
> 
> Thank you very much for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

Shaylee couldn’t stop smiling as she walked through the streets of Coccham. As she had woken up this morning, she had not felt any sort of pain. It was the first time in weeks that she wasn’t aching, which put her in a fabulous mood. Eadith had laughed as she saw Shaylee leaping out of the house. She had invited her to join her and Æthelstan, but Shaylee had other plans.

The clashing of wooden sticks could be heard long before one entered the training area. The training area was just inside the city wall. As Shaylee stepped on the square, she saw some men who practised their sword skills with wooden sticks. Shaylee had been here every once in a while and watched the men battling with each other. But today, she was not here to watch; she was here to fight.

In her hand, she was holding her bow case. She hadn’t touched her bow in weeks. But now that she wasn’t in pain anymore, she simply couldn’t leave her bow on the floor of her trunk any longer.

At the edge of the training field, she unpacked her bow and drew the bow, which was longer than she was tall when uncocked. She had won him from a young man when she had been around 15 years old. He had claimed that the bow had been made in Wales. If that was true, the bow was the most precious thing she owned. The Welsh where famous for their bows. And yet, the young man had apparently been in a hurry to get rid of it.

He had challenged her to a shooting contest. She should hit a target about 30 yards away. This had been so easy for Shaylee that she almost felt guilty for agreeing to his terms. But as her grandmother had taught her, «They rarely make it easy for you. This is why you will never ever pass on an advantage you get because someone underestimates you. It’s gonna happen rarely enough. Fairness and honour can only be afforded by those to whom it is shown.» And so she had accepted the terms of the man, and she had clearly won.

To draw this bow, she needed a lot of strength. Even if she was in good shape, she needed to put some effort in. But today, after being condemned to do nothing for several weeks, she required multiple attempts till she managed to hook up the bowstring.

She smiled as she let her fingers slide over the yew wood. The wood was, even after many years in use, still as firm and even. She pulled the tendon backwards a couple of times to get a feeling for the tension. Only then she reached for an arrow and put it on the string. She did not pull the string all the way back, and the arrow flew only a couple of yards before it pierced the ground. She shot a couple of arrows in this way before she stepped back a couple of yards. She took a deep breath and aimed adequately for the first time. As soon as she had released the arrow, she knew it would hit the target. The shot was not a real challenge. There was no wind, and she was only about 30 yards away. But she needed to get the feeling for the bow back. So she fired a couple of arrows, and when she felt safe, she took a few steps back and fired a few more arrows from there. Yard by yard, she enlarged the distance between her and the target.

She lost herself in the consistently same movements and enjoyed feeling the power with which the arrows shot off the bowstring. She felt strong and independent when she held a bow. For as long as she could remember, she had had a bow by her side. It had given her security. If she had a bow within her grasp, she could survive. She knew that she would be able to handle every situation coming at her. As soon as she put an arrow to the string, her head cleared, and she focused only on sending the arrows to their target. That was an enjoyable feeling. Not having to think about anything, but just being in the here and now. Also, now she was utterly lost in her thoughts and until she had every last arrow from her quiver.

She looked up from her quiver and examined the result of her efforts. The bull’s eye was peppered with arrows. Some arrows even were broken or splintered because they had been hit by another arrow. She let the bow sink and grinned. Only then she noticed that it had become quiet on the training ground. She let her gaze slide over the square and saw impressed and also some faces in disbelief.

"Three pieces of silver if you hit the bell at the watchtower," she heard a familiar voice echo across the square and turned to Finan. She looked at him and then to the watchtower. It was about 80 yards away. The distance was challenging, but nothing she considered impossible. At the top of the tower hung a bell that was rung in case of an attack or other special events.

“Should I shoot from this distance?” she asked Finan and kept a confident grin off her face. She didn’t want to show him how confident she was that she would hit the target.

Finan nodded, and she could see the kittenish smile on his face. He had just as much fun as she had. Osferth brought her another quiver full of arrows. Shaylee took one and checked the balance of the arrow before she hooked it to the bowstring.

She hesitated a short moment to check the strength of the wind before she pulled back the bowstring. It was not as windless as some time ago. But the wind was not yet so strong that she really had to concentrate on aiming. She looked again at the bell glittering in the sunlight and then pulled the string back to her cheek. She took a deep breath, aimed and then just before she exhaled, she let the arrow spring from the bowstring. She watched how the arrow flew through the air and then hit the bell with a satisfying DONG.

Sihtric burst into cheers and came running towards her. He picked her up and whirled her around in circles. Shaylee laughed cheerfully. When he put her down again, and she was back on solid ground under her feet. She grinned at Finan, "I'll be at the Alehouse waiting for you to bring me the winnings."

It turned out to be a long night in the pub. Shaylee certainly wouldn't take home any of the three pieces of silver she had won earlier that day.

Finan had handed her the silver with a mischievous grin: "You could have told me you could hit the bell playfully from this distance."

“And risk my silver. Never. A girl gotta eat.”, replied Shaylee took the silver and went to get some ale. As she sat down at the table and shoved cups with ale in front of Osferth, Sihtric, Finan and Uhtred.

“If it means I get free ale. I am always on your side in these kinds of games.” Sihtric grinned.

“How did you learn to shoot like this?” Osferth asked.

Shaylee felt the curious glances on her and shrugged her shoulders: “My first bow was the bow my mother had owned. It just felt right that I would master the same weapon she did. I had it always at my side. I would feel less at ease walking this world without it; I guess some things become a part of you over time.”

“What's your mother like?” Uhtred asked.

Shaylee suddenly had a lump in her throat and had to force herself to smile: "She was an extraordinary woman."

A shadow wandered over Uhtred’s face, but then he smiled and said: “Anything else would have surprised me about a woman of Ragnar.”

Her father had already been a subject of conversation from time to time. But she had not yet learned much about him. She had never really dared to ask about him. But today, she was already a bit tipsy, so she learned a lot about her father.

“He could have been a skard, just as well as a warrior,” Uhtred remembered and laughed lost in his memories.

“Yeah, and he would never waste a drop of ale.” Finan chuckled.

Shaylee laughed, and she lifted her mug as she said with a grin: "Then I better not disgrace him by not honouring the beer."

With one move, she emptied her cup and placed it on the table. Uhtred laughed out loud. "Definitely the father's daughter. He would be proud."

These last words still circled in her head as she walked home next to her uncle later that evening. Driven by a sudden inner compulsion, she turned to Uhtred and asked, "Would he truly be proud of me?"

Uhtred turned toward her and seemed to be surprised by her question. But then he seemed to see the seriousness in her expression. And then he answered without a second thought, "Yes, he would be. No doubt he is in Valhalla right now, bragging about his daughter who will one day follow him." He hesitated a moment; then he smiled: "What I don’t know if he's bragging about her fighting skills or her drinking ability."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

_The wind blew her hair into her face, and Shaylee stroked it out of her face tiredly. She had been up since the morning dawn and worked on the fields the entire day. She had finished her fieldwork an hour ago. Now she sat on the bank of the River Bann and washed the hay dust from her body._

_Here some distance away from the village, the world seemed peaceful and quiet. Shaylee enjoyed the peace of the forest and the murmur of the river. After the hard work on the field, the cold water felt wonderful. She waded into the deeper water and then submerged completely. She held on to a stone so that she would not be dragged along by the current. The water muffled all sounds, and for a few seconds, it felt as if she had left reality behind. Then she ran out of air and burst through the surface. Immediately she was surrounded by the sound of the forest, again. And there was something else. She sighed and quickly waded back to the shore._

_She could pull over her gown just before Aidan stepped through the bushes. Shaylee looked at him while she put on her overgarment._

_“If this isn’t the Danish bitch.”, Aidan said with his shrill voice. He was the son of the village eldest. That’s why he seemed to get away with everything. Shaylee was his preferred target because of her descent. She did not take it personally. She knew that Aidan was a bully, and if he didn’t annoy her, he would annoy someone else, who might couldn’t take it that well._

_Also today she only chuckled: “Aidan you sound like a toddler who has just learned his first words and now simply repeats them over and over again. If I have to listen to your insults, at least change them up once in a while.”_

_She saw how his face turned red and grinned. She grabbed her bundle and wanted to walk past him. But then he held her back. Shaylee broke away immediately and turned to him: "Don't touch me, you little scum!"_

_“I touch you whenever I want. You are only a Danish whore.”, he started to smile as Shaylee heard steps behind her. She did not need to turn she knew that she would see his usual companions, Glyn and Niall. Now that she had three men against her, she knew that the smartest thing to do was to retreat._

_She ignored the men and was about to leave the clearing as Aidan ordered his friends: “Hold her down! It's time we teach her how a good Danish whore behaves.”_

_She felt the hand of either Niall or Glyn on her shoulder. That was the moment she started running. She broke out to the left and slipped away from the hands. But Niall blocked the path back to the village, so Shaylee had to cut through the undergrowth. It was quiet behind her for a brief moment, then Aidan yelled at his pals. To catch her again. Shaylee ran through the forest as fast as she could, but her dress kept getting caught in branches and she heard the heavy steps behind her getting closer and closer. She already felt the men's breath on her neck, and then someone grabbed her upper arm and threw her to the ground. The moment she fell to the ground_ , she woke up screaming.

It took Shaylee a moment to realise she was no longer in Ireland but in her bed in Coccham. Sweatbathed, she sat in her bed and stared into the darkness of her room. Her breath went as fast as if she really just had run through the forest. Still gasping she knocked back the furs and left the house. The cold night air would help to cool her down.

She couldn’t bear to only walk, Shaylee felt like she needed to run, so she ran through the streets of Coccham. She was in such a rush that she did not see the man coming around a corner and bumped into him. She gave a sharp scream and still influenced by the hunted feeling she had had in her dream freed herself frantically from the hands, which had been preventing her from falling to the ground. She broke away from the hands and stumbled back. In her madness, she stumbled over her own feet and fell against a wall of a house. She slowly slid down the wall until she sat on the dirty ground. She shivered like aspen, and her breath went insanely fast. Shaylee knew that she behaved hysterically, but she just couldn’t shake off the hunted feeling she had had in her dream.

On the other side of the road, the man she crashed into was still standing there. He hadn’t moved, since she had shaken off his hands. Now he got down on his knees so that he was on the same level as she was.

“Shaylee, is it you?”, she heard the gentle voice of Finan.

She sobbed and was not capable to reply properly. She could only nod, but it seemed to be enough. After a short hesitation, Finan asked if he could come over. Shaylee did not answer, but Finan seemed to interpret her silence as approval. He came over to her side of the road. A short distance from her, he dropped to the floor, and for a while, he just sat there saying nothing.

"Has someone done something to you? Do I need to have a word with someone?", he asked then, and for once there was no hint of cheerfulness in his voice. He seemed to be deadly serious.

It took Shaylee a few moments before she was able to answer: “No, there was no one. Just a nightmare.”

An expression of recognition flitted across the face of Finan, then he nodded. He had been sitting there, leaned his back against the wall. Now he slid closer to her and put his hand on her shoulder to comfort her. Shaylee froze for a moment, then she felt the comforting warmth and to her own surprise let herself sink against his shoulder. Finan seemed to be just as surprised as she was at first. But then he turned to her and embraced her. At first only tentatively, but then after a while, when her sobbing still didn't stop, he pulled her closer to his chest.

" _Ní raibh ann ach brionglóid. Anois tá tú i do dhúiseacht. Tá tú sábháilte._ ”, he mumbled as he stroked her hair comfortingly.

It took a while for Shaylee to calm down. Her breathing became more and more regular. Her desperation slowly diminished, but she was now all the more ashamed of how she had acted.

She stroked her eyes in embarrassment and muttered, “I am sorry. I am acting like a fucking baby.”

She laughed embarrassed, but Finan didn’t blink, “You don’t have to apologise for anything. Dreams can be real bitches.” He tilted his head and looked at her closely and said: “Are you alright?”

Shaylee pulled up her nose and nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine. I've only been visited by some ghosts from the past." 

Finan pulled a face and nodded. He did not ask any questions, but the look on his face indicated that he knew what she wanted to say.

To her own surprise, she started to talk again: “Just when I thought I was finally rid of them. They sneak their way back into my head. Sometimes it is just hard to believe that I will ever escape them completely.”

Finan looked down at her, and then he simply said: “It takes time. But the memories will fade until you are not sure anymore, if something really happened or if it was just a dream.”

Those words astonished Shaylee. She looked up at Finan and perhaps for the first time, she felt that she had just caught a glimpse behind his mask. As she looked up to him, she suddenly realised that she still sat really close to each other. She laughed a bit embarrassed and slid back a bit. She stroked her long untamed hair behind her ear and decided to change the subject. With an amused smile, she asked Finan, "And where were you just headed off to? Wouldn't it be time to go home?"

Finan laughed: “That’s what I wanted. But as I got there, a beautiful girl was sitting on my doorstep. So what should I do?”

Shaylee frowned then noticed that she was sitting in front of a door and understood what he was implying. She slapped her hand in front of her mouth and wanted to get up quickly: "Oh my gosh. You live here? Please excuse me. Why didn't you say anything at all?"

Finan rose one of his eyebrows and shook his head: “Really? What kind of man do you think I am?”

Shaylee had to agree, he was indeed not a man to kick a woman of this doorstep. Anyhow, she had blocked his door far too long. She got up and knocked the crumbs of earth off her nightgown. Then she smiled at Finan, “Well then. I will head back. I do not want to stand between you and your bed any longer.”

Finan nodded, “Probably not such a bad idea. The way you’re dressed, you’re gonna catch yourself a cold at least.”

He was right. In her haste, she hadn’t brought a coat outside. Before she had hardly noticed the cold, but now she was shivering. Finan stood up and said she should wait here. He opened the door to the house and disappeared for a moment. Then he was back with a wooden coat. He put it around her shoulder and smiled; “Here we go.”

Shaylee smiled gratefully at him and pulled the coat tightly around her shoulders.

Like he did the last time they had met, Finan accompanied her to her uncle’s house. As she crossed the square in front the big house, she turned to him and already had opened her mouth, as he raised his hand, “Don’t you worry. I will not speak to anyone about tonight.”

Shaylee smiled gratefully at him and said, "Thank you. It's not like I have anything to hide. It's just..."

“That not everybody needs to know the entire story. I understand.” Finan replied, and then there this mysterious look was again. As Shaylee closed the door behind her, she was sure, that this Irish man had demons on his own, even though he seemed to be really good in hiding them.

But he as right, not everybody needed to know, her entire story. In fact, she wouldn’t be too sad if she would also forget certain parts of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Irish/English dictionary:  
> Ní raibh ann ach brionglóid. Anois tá tú i do dhúiseacht. Tá tú sábháilte. = It was just a dream. Now you are awake. You are safe.
> 
> Thank you for reading 😊


	9. Chapter 9

Finan kept his promise. He didn't mention a word about their encounter. Even when she returned his folded coat a few days later, they did not speak of the night. Shaylee was grateful to him. At least now she knew that he was not only her uncle's amusing buddy but could very well have a serious side to him. That he had that she had known before, but she had feared that it was limited to fighting. She was glad that she had been taught a better lesson.

In the meantime, she had got used to life in Coccham. While in the days after her arrival there had been a certain hectic pace in the village. It had become quieter now. Winter had come over the country and all the work that had not been done until the first snow. Had to wait until spring. The inhabitants of the village spent more time inside their houses now.

One evening Shaylee was sitting with her uncle in the big hall of his house, eating dinner. After dinner, Shaylee sat in a comfortable armchair by the fire. She had her hands around a cup of warm Met.

Uhtred sat next to her on a bench and was absorbed by a conversation with Sihtric. When their conversation flattened, Shaylee turned to her uncle and told him that she would go into the forest the next day to look for mistletoe.

"What do you need mistletoe for?" Finan asked from the other side of the fire, "Are you trying to tie a poor man to yourself forever?"

Shaylee rolled her eyes. But then, she slapped her hand in front of her mouth, shaking with a playful shudder: "Damn. You got me all figured out." She let her eyes wander over the men by the fire and then added with a broad grin, "I just wanted to make sure Osferth wouldn't find his way back into the womb of the church."

Osferth, who had just been engaged in conversation with Eadith, heard his name and looked over at her with questioning. When he saw the faces of his friends, he frowned and asked, "What's wrong?"

Finan patted him on the shoulder, acknowledging: "My dear Osferth... Shaylee has just told us that you will be a happy couple."

"How? What are we gonna be?" Osferth looked from one to the other uncomprehendingly, trying to figure out their faces.

Shaylee had to use all her strength to put on a serious face: "I actually wanted you to find out some other way. But I had a dream. You and me, we are destined for eternity. We can't fight it. We would upset the balance of the worlds if we resisted our destiny."

Osferth frowned and silently opened and closed his mouth.

"The balance of the worlds," he stammered faintly and looked at her in despair.

Shaylee nodded gravely: "The border between heaven and hell would shift. We can't even imagine what that would trigger. Bad people would flee from hell to heaven, and the devil would randomly kidnap good people, maybe even angels from heaven. We can't risk that, can we, my love?"

"These are grave dangers. We just can't take any chances. Even Lord Uhtred thinks you should marry as soon as possible," confirmed Finan, patting Osferth on the back.

Uhtred also joined in on the discussion: “Yes, I have learned from your Christian priests, that if someone dreams something, we have to obey.”

Shaylee tinkled her eyelashes: "I am already sewing my bridal veil.

Osferth seemed to no longer understand the world. A few moments ago, he had been peacefully chatting with Eadith, and now Shaylee seemed to have just opened up to him that if they did not marry, the world would end.

Shaylee tried to keep up her serious expression, but his increasingly desperate expression was just too much for her, and she burst out laughing.

Osferth's face remained uncomprehending for a moment, but then he realised that it was all just a joke and joined in her laughter.

«Do you really think I would let my niece marry a Christian?” Uhtred said with laughter.

Shaylee rose her eyebrows and replied: “Do you really think you have a saying in that.” Then she turned to Osferth and said, acting indignant, "I try not to take it personally that marrying me seems such a terrible idea."

In Osferth's eyes, a spark of panic appeared again as he hurried to explain that it was only the shock and that any man would be lucky to marry a woman like Shaylee.

Shaylee was tempted to let Osferth fidget a bit longer. But then she decided to let him off the hook for tonight. The poor boy had had enough excitement for one evening.

She turned to her uncle again: "I need mistletoe for the rheumatism tincture from Yorick. There's none here in the village, so I have to go to the forest to look for some."

Uhtred frowned. Finally, he nodded and looked over at Osferth. "You will accompany her."

Osferth looked back and forth between Uhtred and Shaylee with unease, he was visibly uncomfortable in his skin when he said hesitantly, "Lord. You told me to ride to meet Hild."

"I don't need a guard anyway," Shaylee rushed to help him and added, "I only need a horse. I won't be gone long, anyway. Mistletoe almost falls in your lap this time of year."

Uhtred shook his head, "No, you're not going to ride into the woods alone," and before Shaylee could express any indignation, he added, "This is not just you, it’s everyone.

"Then, I will escort her. I don't have plans anyway," suggested Finan.

Interestingly, Uhtred hesitated a moment before nodding: "But you'll hurry. There have been reports of outlaws in the woods."

Shaylee had also heard the rumours, and she did not want to argue with her uncle. So, she nodded, "We will." Then she started smiling, "although I could use some practice with moving targets."

Uhtred breathed out loudly and looked at her with a warning. Quickly, Shaylee raised her hands, "Don't worry, I won’t."

"I'll make sure we don't lose her," said Finan, and besides the usual mischievous sparkle in his eyes, there was a certain seriousness in his gaze. That seemed to convince Uhtred that he could let them both go without a guilty conscience.

As Shaylee rode through the gate on the back of her horse the next morning, the usual winter fog lay over the landscape. Finan rode beside her. He was, just like her, wrapped in a thick coat. It was chilly and damp. No weather for a ride, really. But Shaylee still enjoyed sitting on the back of a horse. High-spirited, she gave her horse the spurs and let him fall at a canter.

The wind whistled coldly through her layers of clothing, but she felt as free as a bird. She almost had the feeling that if she only spread her arms, she would lift off the ground. She laughed from the bottom of her heart, and when she heard Finan catching up behind her, she bent over her horse and let it run even faster. Only at the edge of the forest did she reluctantly restrain her horse. She turned to Finan, who had been several lengths behind her.

“You ride like the devil.”, he grinned as he stopped his horse next to her.

Shaylee chuckled: “Hopefully, just a bit faster than him.”

They rode silently through the forest for a while. Shaylee kept looking for mistletoe she could easily reach. It took her a while until she found a tree. She stopped her horse just below the branches and climbed from the saddle into the tree. The mistletoe bushes were a few meters higher, and Shaylee had to climb a little more before she was within reach.

As she started to work with her knife, she heard Finan ask from below, "You know what you're doing, right?"

Shaylee didn't even bother to answer. Of course, she knew what she was doing. Her grandmother had sent her into the woods since she had been a child. She had climbed so many trees that if all the trees were placed side by side, it would have been a rather large forest. She had also fallen from some of them, but she would certainly not tell Finan that.

Suddenly she heard it rustle and she froze in the middle of her movement. She looked around without moving much. Then she whispered quietly to Finan to throw her the bow up.

Finan complied with her request with a furrowed forehead. He too had heard the rustling but couldn't see where it came from.

"You stay in that tree. I'll have a look around," he whispered to her.

But Shaylee hissed, "You stay where you are. And you be quiet."

She drew her bow, and she put an arrow to the string. She took one deep breath, and then she aimed. Her arrow hit the eye of the deer that had been standing on a clearing a few yards away.

Shaylee packed her harvested mistletoe into a bag and climbed down from the tree.

Smiling, she walked over to the killed deer and looked at Finan with a challenging look. But he just shook his head in a grin: "Remind me never to turn my back on you. You seem dangerous with your bow in your hand."

"Not just then," Shaylee grinned and pulled out her knife. She gutted the deer right there and then. The wild animals would have a feast on its innards.

The way back to the village was pretty eventless. Only one time they stopped because Shaylee had spotted some ground ivy she couldn’t just pass by.

“For what is it good?”, Finan asked while Shaylee filled another one of her bags with the herb.

“For many things. You can use it if you have a cold or if a wound is not healing properly. You can use it pretty much every time something looks disgusting.”, Shaylee explained and smiled up to Finan. Amazingly, he looked at her rather respectful, this look drove the blood to Shaylee's cheeks. She looked back down and concentrated on cutting the herbs from the ground: “It’s not a secret. Any woman who knows a little bit about teas and herbs could have told you that.”

“Well, I didn’t know that.”, Finan stated.

Shaylee looked up at him and meant dryly: “You are a man. Most of you know as much as the way to the next alehouse.”

Finan laughed: “You cheeky girl.”

The ride was quite delightful. Finan was a great companion for rides like this. But even though they were laughing a lot. She noticed that he was always on guard.

“Do you expect trouble?” Shaylee asked him as they rode next to each other on the road back to Coccham.

Finan turned his head to her and shook his head: “No, I don’t. But it is winter, and the winter can be hard for outlaws. And if they are desperate… Well, desperate men are dangerous because they are unpredictable.”

Shaylee understood what he wanted to say. These men do not have anything to lose. That’s why they would risk anything, just for a piece of freshly hunted deer.

But Finan and Shaylee arrived without any troubles back in Coccham. They stopped at the butcher and handed him the deer. He looked at her with big eyes as Finan explained that Shaylee had shot the deer and hurried to say he would prepare the meat as soon as possible.

Shaylee smiled at him a little stiffly and was happy as they continued their way through the village. In front of the stables, she jumped off her horse and handed over her reins to a boy.

"Thank you very much," she smiled. It still felt strange to have other people do things for her. But on such cold days, she was grateful for the comfort of being able to go straight into her uncle's hall and warm her hands at the fireplace.

“Any luck?”, her uncle asked as she entered the hall and took off her heavy coat.

“Yes. I found quite a lot of mistletoe and also some ground ivy I could use, for Æthelstan cold. I do not like the fact that he still coughs, and the nose won't stop running.”, Shaylee answered and put her bags on the table.

Her uncle put down the paper he just had red and looked at her for a short while. Then he asked: “Did you ever think about being a healer?”

Shaylee started to laugh. He couldn't be serious. Sure, she'd helped somebody with their little aches and pains every now and then. But there was a difference between helping out a neighbour and being responsible for the health of an entire village.

“You are joking, right?”, she laughed but then as he did not join her laughter, she stopped suddenly and said dryly: “Please tell me that you are joking?!”

“I am not joking. You know more about herbs and stuff than anyone else here.”, Uhtred paused and smiled thoughtfully before turning back to Shaylee and continued, "You remind me of a woman I once knew a long time ago. She had the gift to heal people, and I wouldn’t be surprised if you had it too.”

“I do not have a gift.”, Shaylee replied dryly, “I simply repeat what my grandmother told me.”

“Do you really think it's enough to just pour someone a cup of tea or an elixir," Uhtred asked, looking at her with that annoying look that someone had who knew he wouldn't give in, "To heal someone, it takes more to it than that. It takes compassion and knowledge. You have both."

Shaylee looked seeking for help to Eadith who was sitting at the fireplace with a spindle in her hand. She laughed and shook her head, «Don't look at me. I am on his side."

Shaylee looked annoyed from Eadith to her uncle and then pointed her finger at them, «If I kill someone by mistake. you're next."

She could still hear their laughter as she walked up the stairs and then, as her uncle said to Eadith, "She's gonna do a great job."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading!


	10. Chapter 10

Shaylee was determined to talk Uhtred out of this idea with her as the healer of the village. But to her surprise, he seemed to be even more stubborn than she was. He did not change his mind in any way. Quite the contrary, he had ordered that a house at the market square had been turned into a sort of practice. Eventually, Shaylee had given in. 

She had assumed that there was no great demand for a healer anyway, but she had been wrong. She had a blue cloth that she attached to her canopy whenever she was in her practice. When she hung this sign up for the first time, it didn't take long before she had her first patient coming through the door.

From the day she had opened the practice for the first time, she had been busy most days. And truth be told, she liked being busy and having a purpose. So she did not complain that her days were packed full and seemed to fly by. Christmas Day came and went. And Shaylee felt that the days until the beginning of Lent were much shorter than usual.

Shaylee had never been a good Christian. Sure, she went to church and followed the 10 Commandments as best she could. But she found it hard to see God's will in everything. She had seen too much evil in the world and just couldn't believe that everything was the will of God. Did he really want her mother to be carried away by fever? Or her father stabbed to death in his sleep by a cowardly man? 

That's why Shaylee enjoyed that in Coccham, the rules of Christianity were interpreted with some flexibility. Danes and Christians lived peacefully side by side. At first, Shaylee was a little confused by this clash of cultures. She remembered it too well, how she had confused in front of the nunnery of Coccham. She found it hard to believe that in a village like Coccham with a lord like Uhtred, a convent would prosper. After all, she would not necessarily describe her uncle as a God-fearing man. At least not to the Christian God.

Eadith had only laughed from her confusion, «Of course we have a church and also a convent. And on a full moon, Uhtred sacrifices a lamb to Odin."

Shaylee had looked at her in slight shock, after which Eadith laughed even louder, "Don't worry, I'm only joking. Of course, he doesn't sacrifice a lamb every month."

"Not only every second. We had to cut back on the sacrifices, or we would have run out of lambs," Finan had claimed and was having a great time from the stunned look of Shaylee.

Finally, Shaylee rolled her eyes, «You're all crazy. Every single one of you."

Finan was just laughing and saying, "Oh, I have a feeling you'll fit in just fine."

He might be right about that. After a few months, Shaylee felt more at home here than she had ever felt at home in Ireland. It probably had something to do with her feeling welcome. Uhtred had never left any doubt that he considered her family, and with Eadith, she found a dear friend.

Through the winter months, they had spent many hours together. Eadith was determined that she wanted to be instructed in herbalism. Shaylee wasn't exactly convinced that she was the best teacher about that. But at some point, she gave up telling her that and let Eadith help her prepare tonic or poultice.

Shaylee had also become friends with Finan. Her nights were still restless, and on her nightly wanderings, her uncle's deputy joined her from time to time. They never talked about the reasons why they were still awake at this late hour, but they talked about all sorts of things. And as Shaylee got to know the Irish man better, she understood why her uncle trusted him that much. He seemed to be very good at judging people, and Shaylee hadn't known him for too long but not for a second she’d question his loyalty for a second.

As the days grew longer, her uncle finally informed her that he and his men would soon travel to Winchester. 

“What are we doing there?” Shaylee wanted to know from Uhtred.

Uhtred shrug: “I do not know yet. Edward has asked me to come to Winchester for Easter. I guess I will find out when I get there.”

“When WE get there.”, Shaylee threw in and grinned defiantly at her uncle.

Uhtred signed, “I do not even try to talk you out of it. But just be aware, that in Winchester they are not exactly fond of Danes.”

Shaylee smiled slightly, “Well, I will not hide what I am, but I might not parade with the fact, that I am the daughter of an earl.

“Smart move. Mind teaching that your uncle?” Eadith chuckled. She was sitting by them, helping Shaylee binding little bundles of primroses. Eadith would not travel with them, something Shaylee regretted. But all Eadith had meant was that she would hardly be given a very warm welcome in Winchester. She probably was right, but she would have liked to have a woman at her side who knew her way around Winchester and the king’s court.

And so Shaylee was the only woman who left Coccham together with the men around Uhtred. They left early in the morning and would spend more or less the whole day in the saddle. In return, they would spend the night in a soft bed in Winchester.

Shaylee enjoyed it to be on horseback. Since she arrived in Coccham. She'd hardly left the village. Every now and then she had been in the forest gathering herbs, but even then she had rarely been away for more than a few hours.

When she finally spotted the lights of Winchester on the horizon, she bridled her horse and stopped for a moment. She narrowed her eyes and tried to see what kind of town Winchester was. But from that distance, she could only see the lanterns on the city walls. 

"Don't worry. We'll take care of you," Finan said as he rode past her. 

Shaylee rolled her eyes. "I don't need anybody to look after me."

"Still, it doesn't hurt to have someone watching your back," grinned Finan, which Shaylee was sure he was right. As the group rode through the gates, Shaylee was glad to be surrounded by armed men.

They were quite a conspicuous group, the way they rode through the streets. Men and women turned to them and whispered.

"You're infamous around here," grinned Shaylee Finan.

"Famous, perhaps. But certainly not infamous," Finan unconvincingly denied.

Shaylee smiled, "Well, then surely none of the alehouse whores will recognize you, right?”

Finan turned smiling to her and said: “How prejudiced are you towards us?”

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm sure I'm totally wrong, and when we get to the Alehouse, none of the Alehouse whores will recognize anyone of you," Shaylee grinned.

Finan did not respond, but his smile was answer enough. And because it was already dark, she got her answers anyway. While her uncle organized the rooms in the Inn, Shaylee waited and watched as the men were greeted by the Alehaus whores. Well, the way they greeted them, the term "well-known" was probably most accurate.

“Clearly they have never seen you before.” She winked at Finan. 

Finan laughed and was about to reply when Uhtred came out and said that the rooms had been arranged.

“Saved by the gong, I'd say," Shaylee giggled.

Their throats were dry, and nobody complained when Finan ordered a few jugs of ale. They sat down at a table and debated all sorts of theories about why Edward had ordered them to Winchester. One was more unrealistic than the other, but they had a good time anyway.

All they really wanted to do was have an ale or two. But in the end, every one trank far more and it was getting late when they went to their rooms. She was just climbing the stairs when Shaylee was held back by Finan. 

"Shaylee, please wait for a second," he looked around, and when he was sure no one was listening, he told her insistently, "Listen, this isn’t Coccham. If you get the urge to go out for a walk in the middle of the night. Please, wake me up. A woman should not walk around here alone. Especially not at night.”

Shaylee looked at Finan who looked at her oddly seriously. His look was almost pleading, so Shaylee nodded and promised him that she would not wander off alone.

She thought of this promise as she sneaked down the stairs of the Inn a few hours later. She couldn't help herself. She had to get outside. If she kept staring at the old wall, she would go insane. For a moment, she thought about waking Finan. But then she rejected the idea. Finan had been on his feet all day. He had earned a few hours' rest. 

She briefly closed her eyes as she stepped out into the cold evening air. Immediately the images from her nightmare came back. Again she stood in the middle of the crowd that had closed in on her and called her names. Traitor, freak, intruder, parasite. Those were the nicer things that had been said. Shaylee pushed the memories of that day aside. That had been in another life. 

Winchester wasn't Coccham, as a matter of fact. This place was dirty, and it smelled terrible. But the town was fascinating, too. With big eyes, she stood in front of a huge church. She had never seen such a big building before.

"Well, who do we have here?" she heard a greasy voice behind her. Shaylee closed her eyes and slowly turned to the man. The guy wasn't very tall, a broad face and blond hair. That was all she could see in the darkness.

"I've never seen you here before," the man said, looking at her with his head tilted. "It's a pity, really. You're a very sweet thing."

"I am not a thing," Shaylee replied dryly. "But I don't blame you for the mix-up. I guess women usually stay as far away from you as possible, so you only see us from a distance."

Even in the dark, Shaylee had no trouble seeing the anger on his face. "you bitch. Somebody needs to teach you some respect."

Shaylee didn't feel like being taught respect by anybody, so she turned on her heel and started running. Silently, she thanked the Lord that she hadn't taken any of her dresses out of her bundle, but had put her travel clothes back on. She raced through the alleyways and every now and then she hit a hook to confuse her pursuer. But then she suddenly found herself in a dead-end street. Shivering she came to a halt and turned around cursing.

"Now you're trapped," grinned Shaylee's stalker.

Shaylee looked around as unobtrusively as possible. There had to be a way out of that alley. But to her disappointment, the only way out of this alley seemed to be past the guy. She sighed and gripped her bow a little tighter. At such close range, he was quite useless as a firearm. There would never be enough time to draw it and fire an arrow. But it still was a pretty good bat.

But it didn't come to that. A whistle sounded, and another man appeared at the entrance to the alley.

"It's not polite to corner a lady like that," said the newcomer dryly. Finan. Shaylee could not prevent a relieved sigh. 

"This is not a lady. I can assure you of that," replied the blond standing between Shaylee and Finan.

"Oh, and what makes you think so?" asked Finan as he strolled closer.

The blond laughed gloatingly, "Just look at her."

"Oh, you've seen a lady before? Or how can you judge what a lady looks like?" Shaylee said sarcastically.

Finan smiled, "No, I doubt it. Once he gets within smelling distance, any lady would take cover."

"Well, at least I would," Shaylee threw in dry.

"I guess that makes you a lady after all," Finan mused. Meanwhile, he had gotten to the guy, put his hand on the guy's shoulder. “Man, go to bed. It's not the right time of day to be making trouble."

The man actually seemed to think about it for a moment, but then he turned to Finan and punched him in the face. He hit Finan on the chin, but the blow was not powerful enough, and in turn, Finan hit the man, sending him to the ground. He grabbed his head in agony, and he stared at Finan, and he said, "Man, I just want to have some fun."

"Not what I consider fun," Shaylee replied dryly, stepped forward and knocked the guy out with a sweeping blow from her bow.¨

Finan checked if the man was really unconscious before he turned to Shaylee: “Are you alright?”

Shaylee nodded: “Yes, I don’t worry. I am fine.”

“I told you to wake me up.”, Finan said, slightly accusing.

Shaylee laughed guiltily: “Yeah, I do know. Sorry about that.”

Finan snorted, “You know that I am only looking out for you.”

Shaylee sighed: “Yes, I know. I am just not used to it yet.”

“You better get used to it. Because I will not stop.”

She walked over to Finan and reluctantly put her fingers on his chin and looked at his cheek. It seemed that it was a bit chafed.

Shaylee frowned and pulled her face to a guilty smile: “Please forgive me. I believe this one is on my neck.”

Finan put his hand hers and squeezed her gently, “It is alright.”

Shaylee looked up at Finan, and when their eyes met, she felt the flutter in the pit of her stomach. Her cheeks became hot, and she bit her lower lip involuntarily.

His eyes flitted across her face and seemed to be looking for something. Eventually, he pulled up the corner of her mouth and said softly, "I never said anything because it's not my place to do so. But sometimes it helps to talk about it, you know."

Shaylee bit her lips and said, after a moment's silence, "And sometimes it just makes everything real."

Finan didn't answer right away but seemed to be hanging on to his own thoughts. Finally, he shook his head, smiling, "Well, I am the one to talk."

"The ship," Shaylee slid out and was shocked as realized that she’d spoken out loud.

Finan looked at her in surprise, "You know?"

Shaylee shrugged, "Not really. It only came up briefly when Hild told me about her journey with my father." She looked up at Finan, but couldn't bring herself to meet his eyes, "Sorry, I shouldn't have said anything."

Finan ran his thumb across the back of Shaylee's hand. He said quietly, "You don't have to apologise. It's no secret."

"It doesn't mean you want to talk about it," Shaylee replied with a sympathetic smile.

Then they fell back into silence. Shaylee was all too aware of the proximity of Finan. She felt the warmth he radiated on her skin and the tingling sensation on the back of her hand where his hand was still on yours.

Eventually, Finan quietly said, "We should go back. It's surely getting early, and we don't want people to miss you."

Shaylee swallowed and nodded slightly reluctantly. Finan was right. She heard the first birds singing, and the rooster would probably crow soon. Slowly, Shaylee lowered her hand. Finan held on for a moment. But then he seemed to notice that he was still holding her hand. Quickly, he let go and took a step back.

Shaylee felt strangely alone, even though they were only a little more than a step apart. What was wrong with her?

More to distract herself than out of actual interest, she asked, "And what are we going to do with this arseling? Do we just leave him here?"

Finan nudged the man, who didn't move: "Yes, I think so. Or what do you want to do with him?"

"Oh I'd some idea, but as a good Christian, I’m not going to find out if they would work," Shaylee replied dryly. 

Finan smiled: "You are more pious than I am."

Shaylee laughed and said, "That's not that hard."

They walked back slowly. Shaylee did not hurry. She knew that she would not be able to sleep anymore.

As she arrived at the alehouse, she looked up at Finan and again made a rather guilty face: "Oh, I'm really sorry. Looks like you' re gonna have a black eye." She raised her hand to gently feel his cheekbone. "You should put something cold on that. It'll help with the swelling."

Finan waved, "Don't worry about it. For a beautiful woman, I take a punch once in a while."

Shaylee laughed and rolled her eyes: “And there he is again. The Finan, I know.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has become quite long. I got caught up in the flow. Please bear with me :-P

Shaylee sat on a bench in the courtyard of the royal palace. The door to the throne room had just opened, and her uncle came out into the yard. Next to him walked a young man wearing a plain crown on his brown curls. That must be the king. The men approached her and Shaylee rose from her bench. It seemed to be indecent to sit in the presence of a king.

She smiled at the man and made a slight curtsey, "Mylord."

"You must be the niece of our dear lord Uhtred," the king said and eyeballed her.

Suddenly, Shaylee was very glad Eadith had insisted on giving her some of her dresses. She herself would have had nothing to wear that would have been appropriate in such a setting. Now she wore a white underdress, over which she wore a blue overdress, which had a plainly decorated bodice. Actually, no dress that she would wear otherwise. But today she was glad that she had let herself be persuaded by Eadith. She put on her most demure smile and nodded, " That's me, Lord King."

"And a Christian woman," the King noted with a movement toward her cross. Shaylee withheld a mischievous smile. Around her neck, she wore a striking string of pearls with a cross at the end. It was her grandmother's necklace. Who had received the jewellery from one of her admirers. Neither she nor Shaylee had worn the necklace much. It was too flashy and ostentatious. Her grandmother had given it to her so she could make money out of it if she ever ran out of silver. But today Shaylee had exchanged her normal necklace for this one. Her uncle had looked at her in the morning with eyebrows raised. He knew as well as she did that such a piece of jewellery wasn't her style at all. And besides, her faith was not as strong as that she would wear such a necklace. But the king did not need to know that. He should only think of her as a devout Christian.

She touched the cross and said, "I was raised a Christian."

King Edward looked at her and said, "I was about to retreat to prayer. Perhaps you'd like to join me?"

That was about the last thing Shaylee wanted, but such an invitation was not turned down, so Shaylee accompanied the king into the chapel and knelt beside him before the altar. Like a good Christian woman, she folded her hands and closed her eyes. Silently, she began to murmur to herself:

_„Go ndéanfadh Neart Dé píolótú orainn.  
Go gcaomhnóidh Cumhacht Dé sinn.  
Go dtuga eagna Dé treoir dúinn.  
Go gcosnódh Lámh Dé sinn.  
Go n-ordóidh Bealach Dé sinn.  
Go gcosnódh Sciath Dé sinn.  
Go ndéanfadh Óstach Dé sinn a chosaintI gcoinne ribe na ndaoine olc,  
In aghaidh temptations an domhain.  
Go mbeadh Críost linn!  
Go mbeadh Críost os ár gcomhair!  
Go mbeadh Críost ionainn,  
Críost thar aon rud eile!  
Go maire do Shlánaitheacht, a Thiarna,  
Bí linn i gcónaí,  
An lá seo, a Thiarna, agus go brách. Amen.“_

"And what are you praying for?" the king asked her and examined her from the side.

Shaylee hesitated the prayer she had said was a prayer that any child in Ireland could recite. But since Shaylee doubted that the King of Wessex understood her mother tongue. So she simply said, "For my family."

"Your family?" the king asked.

"My uncle, his children," Shaylee replied.

The King turned to her and asked dryly, "And surely for your husband, too."

Shaylee was startled and looked at the man next to her in shock. The man grinned impishly, "Wessex had his spies everywhere. And you caused quite a stir in Ireland. Your husband is apprehensive about you. Perhaps I should inform him that you are well."

Shaylee stared stunned at King Edward, but then picked up her courage and smiled, "Please don't bother. I will take care of my husband myself."

The man opposite her smiled, "you will, no doubt. A wife should not stray too far or too long from her husband."

Shaylee managed to put a smile on her face even though it took a tremendous amount of volition. She nodded virtuously and lowered her head again to pretend to pray. Later, when she finally was allowed to leave the chapel and the palace. She hurried through the streets quickly, in a narrow side street she stopped and gathered herself.

She should have expected that the king had his spies in Ireland and knew about her. And yet she was caught with her guard down. She'd been in Wessex too long and was beginning to feel too safe. She had to be more careful again. Tired, she brushed her hair out of her face and turned around to go back to the Two Crane Inn as Osferth came rushing towards her.

"Oh, here you are. I thought I'd missed you. Lord Uhtred has instructed me to bring you to him." The young man gasped.

Shaylee smiled at him and nodded, "Well, I guess we'd better go then."

Her uncle was sitting at a table in front of the alehouse and looked up as Shaylee and Osferth came towards the table.

"How were the prayers?" he asked them, not without ridicule.

Shaylee pulled a face and filled a cup with ale instead, for she emptied it in a few sips. When the cup was empty, she looked at her uncle and asked, "And what did you discuss with the king?"

"We will travel to Lundun," her uncle explained and took a sip from his goblet.

"Will we? For what reason?"

Uhtred grimaced and did not answer immediately. Finally, he said, "Rumours. Apparently, the Danes want to take back the town. The king wants an accomplished commander in Lundun."

Shaylee frowned. She looked around for a moment, then bent over. So softly that only Uhtred and the men at the table could hear her, she said, "But Lundun belongs to Mercia, and you are not sworn to King Edward. So why are we going to Lundun?"

"Lundun is a beautiful city," said Finan. But even he didn't seem to be in the mood for jokes. Shaylee glanced over at him and noticed he was eyeing her attentively. She made herself smile and then turned back to her uncle.

"As you said, Lundun belongs to Mercia. It is better there sits a commander who is well-disposed towards Lady Æthelflæd," he finally explained.

Shaylee asked more questions, but she didn't learn much more worth knowing. They left Winchester the next day, and Shaylee was not unhappy to leave the noisy city behind. As fascinating as Winchester was. It was full of intrigue and manipulation. Shaylee had found that out in a short time at court. The ride to Lundun would take them two days. But in the meantime, the nights had become milder. So there were worse things than spending the night under the stars. They set up camp on the banks of the Temes. Shaylee took advantage of the situation and jumped into the freshwater of the river after supper. Wrapped in her furs, she stayed on the riverbank for a while. The sound of the river made her mind travel back to the Ban River. She even imagined hearing the familiar cries of the White-fronted Goose. But of course, that was only a chimaera.

"Shaylee. Are you dressed? Can I sit with you?" she was torn from her thoughts. She turned and saw Finan standing among the trees of the nearby forest. She smiled and nodded, "Sure."

Finan came out from between the trees and let himself sink to the ground beside her. They sat there in silence for a while until Finan broke the silence, "What did King Edward do?"

In astonishment, Shaylee turned her head to Finan and saw his serious look. Yes, she even imagined witnessing a glimmer of anger in his eyes. But she quickly dismissed that, it didn't make sense. Why would he be angry?

"Since you prayed with the king, you've been quieter than usual. You may be able to fool your uncle and the others, but I know you well enough by now to see through your charade. Did he hurt you? Did he try to do something immoral to you?"

Shaylee laughed briefly and shook her head: "No, he didn't hurt me, nor did he want to do anything to me that wouldn't be decent," she hesitated briefly and then continued: "It was only once again made clear to me that one must always remain vigilant.

Finan looked at her with a furrowed brow. She could see him wondering if she was telling the truth. She smiled and asked mockingly, "Out of sheer curiosity, what would you have done if he had coerced me? Challenged him?"

To her surprise, Finan only laughed briefly, and it sounded fake. Then he said without any humour: "Powerful men sometimes forget they can't take everything."

"Isn't that true, after all?" Shaylee asked cynically and sank backwards to look up at the sky.

Finan didn't answer her question, he put his head back and stared up at the stars as well. Shaylee couldn't see his face, but she saw the sinews sticking out at his neck and knew he wasn't smiling. To her surprise, she reached out and touched his shoulder. He turned to her. His eyes were clouded, and she knew he was not with her. He was in Ireland. With a powerful man who had taken something that had been dear to Finan.

She reached for his hand and squeezed it gently. He looked down at her hands and then twisted his face into a preoccupied smile.

A call sounded from the woods: "Finan?"

Shaylee turned to her uncle in surprise and felt that Finan quickly took his hand away. His quick movement gave Shaylee a strange sting. But she quickly recovered and smiled at her uncle. Finan also turned to Uhtred and said, "Lord?"

"You must leave again. Take Osferth and Sihtric with you. Men have been discovered watching us. Ride as fast as you can to Lundun and meet us halfway with a company of armed horsemen. But don't take the direct route. Give us a wide berth. Ride via Fearnhamme. If the men attack us, we'll have them cornered," Uhtred said.

Finan was on his feet right away. He nodded at Shaylee, and as he walked past Uhtred, he gave him a quick pat on the back, "We will be your shadows."

Uhtred nodded and patted him on the shoulder, too. Finan disappeared among the trees, but Uhtred stopped at Shaylee's on the riverbank. He watched the river and then he sat down beside Shaylee.

Shaylee frowned at you, "Are you expecting an attack?"

Uhtred shook his head, "No, we're not a rewarding target. But it's better to be careful." He turned to her and mustered her: "You are aware that Finan is a warrior. It's his job to risk his life. There's no guarantee that he won't end up staying in the field. "

Shaylee frowned and then realized what Uhtred was getting at. She opened her eyes and laughed, "You mean Finan and me? No, we're just friends. Countrymen who are far from their homeland. That bonds."

That was no lie. She and Finan were just friends. And yet somehow it hurt her to show the connection she undoubtedly had with Finan in such an unemotional way. Uhtred looked at her for a few moments before muttering, "Home. This is one of those things that can be missed. I understand only too well."

He smiled at her and reached for her hand: "But you have a new home now. You have a new family."

The ride to Lundun remained calm indeed. But they kept seeing men watching them from the horizon. When she asked her uncle what kind of men they were, he just shrugged his shoulders. He hesitated to speculate, although Shaylee was sure he knew exactly who the men were.

In Lundun, they took up quarters in the old part of the city that dates back to Roman times. The house stood directly at the river, had a huge terrace and at the river even a landing stage. Shaylee immediately fell in love with the old building and chose a chamber that faced directly onto the terrace. So she even heard the sound of the river in her room, and that made the terrible smell more bearable.

Lundun itself was a huge anthill. Or to say it in the words of Osferth, it was a sinful hole. He was certainly not wrong. On one of her walks, Shaylee had realized that there was no street here where there was no alehouse and no whore. Men were fighting everywhere, and often a lifeless body drifted past her when she was sitting at the pier at night. That was one of the reasons why she mostly stayed around her house. Another was that her uncle had threatened to send her home immediately if he caught her leaving the house alone. Shaylee had rolled her eyes in indignation, in fact, she understood the instruction. Even the men were usually in groups and only rarely did anyone go off alone.

Finan, on the other hand, seemed to like it here more than just a little. He had arrived shortly after them and had swung out of the saddle with a broad grin. Laughing, he had said to Uhtred, "Lundun. There's no such town as Lundun, am I right?"

Shaylee couldn't really understand his enthusiasm. She felt trapped and almost wished she had followed her uncle's original order to stay in Coccham.

One evening she was sitting on the terrace enjoying the cold night air when she heard voices from below. The men must have returned from their nightly tour through the alehouses of Lundun. Shaylee was about to sneak into her chamber when she heard her name from below. She pulled the wool cloth that she had wrapped around her shoulder tighter and went down the stairs to the courtyard of the house. There she just saw Osferth and Finan helping Sihtric to lie down on a bench.

Shaylee drew in the air sharply and took the last steps in one go.

"What the hell happened?" she asked, while she was already getting down on her knees next to Sihtric.

She took a quick look at Sihtric, then told the maid to bring her hot water and clean towels. She hesitated briefly and then added: "And bring me some whisky. But proper whisky, not that lousy stuff they serve at the taverns by the harbour."

The maid turned on her heels and hurried off to fetch the things Shaylee wanted. When she was gone, she asked again, "So what happened?"

"A little disagreement at the Alehouse," explained Finan, whose voice sounded strangely nasal. She gave him a quick glance and saw that his beard was full of blood running from his nose.

She pointed to a chair and ordered him to sit down and put his head back into his neck: "And hold your nose. And you," she turned to Osferth, who was standing there a little lost in the room. "Go upstairs and get my bandage bag."

Then she turned to Sihtric, who lay on the bench in front of her. His face was distorted in pain. She didn't need to ask him where he was in pain. The dark spot of blood on his side was answer enough. She pulled his leather vest to the side and exposed a rather deep cut. She sighed and looked around. The maid wasn't back with the cloths yet, so she reached for her skirt and pulled off a wide stripe at the bottom. Turning to Sihtric, she said, "You owe me a dress, understand?"

Sihtric didn't answer, just gave a faint nod. Shaylee started to wipe the blood off his wound as gently as possible and noticed calmly that it was bleeding quite a lot, but the injury didn't seem to be as deep as she had feared at first. With her fingertips, she touched the wound gently, and Sihtric growled painfully.

"Don't make such a fuss. It is not that bad. But I'll have to stitch up the wound," Shaylee said, her sympathy was limited. If you had a fight in an alehouse, you shouldn't be surprised if you got hurt.

Steps approached, and the maid came running into the courtyard with a very red face. In her arms, she carried linen sheets, a bowl from which it steamed, and under her arm, she had a bottle, which surely contained whisky.

"Thank you very much," Shaylee said, smiling to the girl who was visibly blistered, "I can manage the rest on my own. You are free to go."

The girl disappeared as quickly as her legs carried her and behind Shaylee heard an amused gurgle. "What's there to laugh about?" Shaylee Finan asked not too friendly, "You've given the poor girl a scare from which she will not recover so quickly. You should be feeling guilty."

Finan looked at her in amazement, "I've never seen you so mean."

"I'm not mean. If I would be mean, you'd know it. Now hold your head back. You are bleeding all over the yard. " Shaylee replied before turning back to Sihtric.

Osferth had returned with her bag. Shaylee told him to divide the water into two bowls and put some dried yarrow in one of them. Then she pushed it to Finan with one of the linen cloths, "Bend over the bowl and put the cloth over your head. And then breathe through your nose."

Finan looked at her with baffled looks at first, then asked, "What do you want me to do?"

Shaylee closed her eyes and calmly forced herself to count to three: "Head over the bowl and inhale the steam. _Gan aon draíocht, is féidir leat é a dhéanamh._ "

She didn't know if it was her tone, but Finan pulled the bowl towards him and followed her instructions. Shaylee mustered him contentedly and then turned back to Sihtric. With quick but gentle movements, she washed the wound out and found her suspicions confirmed that it was no big deal. A few stitches and the Dane would be as good as new in a few days. She reached for the whisky bottle next to her and held it out to Sihtric: "Take a few sips. It won't take away the pain completely, but it'll make it a bit more bearable."

Sihtric looked at her startled and took a few big sips while Shaylee took her sewing kit out of her bag. Carefully, she threaded the thread through the eye of the needle and knotted the end. Then she took the bottle off Sihtric, she checked the bottle briefly and then took a big sip herself before pouring some whisky over her sewing kit and then over the wound.

She was surprised that Sihtric barely made a sound while she sewed his wound. But when she knotted the thread and looked up at his face, she saw that he was a little green about the gills after all. Grinning, she held the bottle of whisky towards him and said, "The worst is over. "Now you put a bandage on it and then you'd better go and lie down."

Shaylee helped him sit up and was just starting to put the bandage on when Uhtred stepped inside. His gaze wandered over the image that presented itself to him, and for a moment, he seemed speechless. Then he asked, "What happened here?"

He looked at Shaylee, but she just shook her head, "Don't look at me. I'm just cleaning up the mess."

"We were down at the docks, like you told us to, asking around. Unfortunately, there were some Saxons there who'd been to Winchester and stayed at the Two Cranes Inn," Finan explained. He still had his head under the cloth, which muffled his voice a bit. But even otherwise his words would not have made sense to Shaylee.

"You fight because other men have stayed at the same alehouse as you? Are you fucking kidding me?" she asked with a frown and looked back and forth between the men.

"It wasn't about where they spent the night but with whom," replied Finan, who had now raised his shawl a little and peered out from underneath. He looked at Shaylee questioningly, and she nodded after a moment's hesitation. Only then did the Irishman pull the shawl from his head and push the bowl of yarrow water away from him.

Shaylee still didn't understand exactly why the men had been fighting. But something in Sihtric's gaze kept her from asking any more questions. He wasn't really a man who lost his temper easily. That's why Shaylee couldn't imagine that he had been fighting without a good reason. She knotted the linen strips together and then said to him, "You'd best go and lie down now. And for the next few days, you shouldn't lift heavy things. The seam would not hold."

He smiled gratefully at her and went up supported by Osferth. Shaylee was left behind with Finan and her uncle. Now that the patient who had been the most battered was gone, she turned to Finan. With a wet cloth, she began to wash away the blood and gently palpated the nose.

"Sihtric got whisky for that," Finan noticed as Shaylee exerted some pressure on the root of the nose, which must have hurt a little.

Shaylee smiled and pushed the bottle towards him: "Here. Although I hardly think you will like it. It's that Scottish crap."

Finan took a sip and then made a face, "You're right." His eyes wandered off into the distance, and he dreamily murmured, "Oh, what I'd do for some Irish whisky now."

"Don't let 'em beat you up anymore," Shaylee suggested not very seriously.

In the meantime, her uncle had pushed the bloody bandages aside and sat down on the stone bench.

"Sihtric will be all right?" he asked Shaylee as he watched her.

Shaylee looked up and nodded, "Yes, he will most likely retain a scar, but otherwise I don't think it will bother him for long. Such flesh wounds usually look worse than they actually are. But he should still take it easy for a few days. The wound should heal before he gets into any more Alehouse brawls."

She said her last words with a certain pungency and looked slightly accusingly at Finan. He raised his eyebrows and asked with an innocent expression, "What do you expect from us? Not to defend the honour of our comrade's wife?"

"The honour of your comrade's wife? I thought it was about spending the night in Winchester," Shaylee asked confusedly and looked from Finan to her uncle. He pulled a face and scratched his neck: "Surely you have heard that Sihtric is married to a former whore.

It took Shaylee a moment to recover her speech: "What?!"

Finan laughed and then fell silent again as he saw her still stunned face: "You must have heard the rumours? All Coccham knows about it."

"Yeah, maybe I have. But I never thought the rumours could be true. Ealhswith seems such a nice woman," Shaylee replied.

"Oh, yes, a very nice woman," said Finan, reaping a painful pinch in his nose. "Ouch."

Shaylee just gave him a nasty look. Then she took a step back and looked at his nose. "You've been lucky. The nose is not broken. I wouldn't let anyone punch me in the nose for the next few days, though."

Finan nodded gratefully at her. Shaylee smiled slightly and began to put her belongings back into her bag.

"And did you hear any rumours?" asked Uhtred Finan, who had reached for the whisky bottle again, only to immediately push it away from him with a spoiled face.

"What a disgusting swill. Nothing exciting. The Danes around Eoferwic keep quiet. Anything else would surprise me. But a Friesian has claimed that a Dane is looking for crew. Rumour has it they're heading for Ceaster.

"Ceaster?" Uhtred asked in surprise, "What are they doing in Ceaster?"

But a Friesian has claimed that a Dane is looking for crew. Rumour has it they're heading for Ceaster.

"To Ceaster?" Uhtred asked in surprise, "What are they doing in Ceaster?"

Finan shrugged his shoulders: "What do I know. I only know that if it is true, we're in the complete wrong corner of this island."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Irish/English dictionary:  
> Gan aon draíocht, is féidir leat é a dhéanamh. = No witchcraft, you can do it.
> 
> The prayer is the St. Patrick’s Prayer:
> 
> May the Strength of God pilot us.  
> May the Power of God preserve us.  
> May the Wisdom of God instruct us.  
> May the Hand of God protect us.  
> May the Way of God direct us.  
> May the Shield of God defend us.  
> May the Host of God guard us  
> Against the snares of the evil ones,  
> Against temptations of the world.  
> May Christ be with us!  
> May Christ be before us!  
> May Christ be in us,  
> Christ be over all!  
> May Thy Salvation, Lord,  
> Always be ours,  
> This day, O Lord, and evermore. Amen.


	12. Chapter 12

They did not leave Lundun right away, what Shaylee surprised quite a bit. She had thought that they would travel as fast as possible to Ceaster. But Uhtred limited himself to send out messengers to Lady Æthelflæd and König Edward. One morning as they had breakfast together, Shaylee asked her uncle why he only sent out messengers and did no more.

“To what end? We couldn’t do anything in Ceaster. We need to have more information before we can decide what we do next. We need to know, who this Dane is and what he wants with Ceaster.”, explained Uhtred to her.

Shaylee could see the truth in that. But that they spend more time in Lundun went quite against her grain. She still spent most of her time in the house on the shore, because the city was simply too dangerous for a woman walking alone. Even the men of Uhtred mostly stayed in groups. But she did not want to ask the men of her uncle to escort her all the time. She didn’t mind spending some time in the house. It was beautiful and fascinating. But the world became quite small if it only contained a house, a terrace, and a pier. And eventually, this world became too small for her.

It took her a while till she brought herself to ask Finan if he would accompany her into the forest to hunt. She had had to swallow her pride. She did not like to ask someone for help, especially not when it came to asking for an escort. But at the latest, when she inhaled the fresh forest air, she was glad that she had put her ego aside.

They left the horses on a clearing together with the two men that had accompanied them to the forest. Now they would stay back and make sure that the horses would not get stolen or wander off. Finan and Shaylee walked quietly, through the forest, but the animals they were looking for were out of sight. But Shaylee did not really care. She was glad to be out of the city and the noise. They had walked for quite a while as they stepped into a clearing. It was flooded with sunlight, and the green glowed a wonderful green. Shaylee stopped and enjoyed the view.

Finan said what she was thinking when he said, “It looks just like in Ireland.”

Shaylee gave him a side glance and nodded, smiling, “It really does.”

Finan looked down at her and then said: “I think that’s the first time have seen you smile since we arrived in Lundun.”

“I am sure that’s not true.”, Shaylee replied in surprise.

Finan raised his eyebrows when he looked at her. Shaylee bit her lips and lowered her gaze because she knew that he had a point. Since she had left Winchester, the memory of her talk with King Edward stuck with her. She just could not shake the feeling off that her past was creeping on to her.

To avoid looking into Finan’s knowing face, Shaylee took a few steps into the clearing and stretched her face toward the sun. She enjoyed the warmth on her skin. She closed her eyes and thus perceived the forest smell all the more intensely. The scent of the elder trees hung in the air and took her back to Ireland. She enjoyed the moment and did not open her eyes until the warmth of the sun disappeared because of a cloud.

As she opened her eyes and looked around, her gaze fell on Finan, who was still standing at the edge of the clearing. He also had a smile on his face as he met her eyes.

She smiled at him and then asked, “Do you miss Ireland?”

Finan frowned in surprise, and Shaylee feared that she had brought up a topic he didn't want to talk about. But then he answered, "Yes, sometimes."

Shaylee nodded sympathetically, "Yeah, me too." She laughed dryly, "It's funny. After all, I left there of my own free will."

And as soon as she said that she froze. How could she have been so inconsiderate? She might have left Ireland of her own free will. But for Finan, that might not have been the case. They had never spoken about how he had left Ireland. She had thought that if she didn't want to talk about her reasons, she had hardly the right to ask him about his.

Worried, she looked at Finan, who slowly walked over the meadow to her. He had put on his usual relaxed expression, and when he was with her in the middle of the clearing, he turned around his own axis, grinning broadly.

"When I was a little boy, I often hid in clearings like this one from the priests who were supposed to be teaching us," he said as he looked around.

Shaylee smiled, "So you were already a child of the devil.

"Maybe.”, he said slightly amused and combed the hair out of his forehead with his fingers, causing it to stand up wildly.

Again, they stood very close to each other and again Shaylee felt that tingling in the pit of her stomach. Lately, she had the feeling whenever she was near Finan. She did not know what it was. She had never felt anything like this before, and in the beginning, she thought that she might have eaten something wrong, and she would get sick. But she did not get sick, nor did she feel bad in any other way. The only thing she noticed was that she did not have that much appetite. It took her quite a while until she realised that the tingling was related to Finan.

She looked up to him and looked into those brown eyes that had seen so much and yet looked down on her so warmly. She felt her face turn red and lowered her head in embarrassment. But then she felt the fingers of Finan under her chin, which gently lifted her chin. Shaylee hesitantly raised her gaze. Slowly, her gaze glided across Finan's full lips, and she swallowed as her eyes finally met. She didn't know what it was, but every time Finan looked at her, her heart went faster.

Finan's fingers slipped from her chin to her lips, and his thumb ran smoothly across her lower lip. Shaylee shakily drew in the air and was unable to move or even look away.

"You have such beautiful hair," he muttered suddenly and pulled gently on a strand of hair that had come loose from the loose braid.

Shaylee looked at him, confused. She opened her mouth slightly to reply, but she didn't know what to say, so she closed it again. Finan's hand came to rest on her neck, causing a tingling sensation there. Shaylee knew she should have taken a step back. But she was frozen. As if in slow motion, Finan seemed to bend down to her and then he kissed her.

Shaylee froze for a moment, and Finan immediately pulled back: "Sorry! I shouldn't have..."

That was as far as he got. Without Shaylee making a conscious decision, she stood on her toes, put her hand on Finan's neck and pulled him down to her. Her lips crashed heavily, and for a moment, Shaylee forgot to breathe. But then she gasped for breath as she ran her hands up into Finan's hair and buried them in it. At the same time, she felt Finan's hands on her waist and how he pulled her closer. And so, the last distance between them was gone. And with that distance, Shaylee's mind also bid farewell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading!


	13. Chapter 13

They finally arrived in Ceaster a few days before the Feast of the Discovery of the Cross. Like Lundun, Ceaster was originally built by the Romans. In Ceaster they moved into one of those large Roman houses which Shaylee loved so much. She loved the large courtyards and terraces. She could have wandered through the homes for hours and admired the various mosaic pictures. The Romans must have been fascinating people. Shaylee would have given a lot for the chance to see the house she now lived in when it first had been build.

The first thing Uhtred commanded after arriving in Ceaster was to reinforce the city ramparts towards the river. The town was already relatively well fortified as it was very close to the border to Wales, and the Vikings had visited the city from time to time. But the best fortification did not help if the men were missing to defend it. These men arrived in Ceaster together with Lady Æthelflæd two weeks after Uhtred, and his men had come. Then the waiting began.

Shaylee spent most of her time in the woods surrounding Ceaster. She ignored all warnings from her uncle. Her excursions were not primarily for hunting. It was more about avoiding Finan. Since her kiss at the clearing, she had avoided being alone with him. It was hard enough being in a room with him when there were more people, but she did not know how she should react when they were all alone.

She would have to tell him that whatever happened on that clearing could never happen again if he wanted to live a calm life. And this was the main reason why she could not face him alone. She was not sure how she should tell him that. Mainly because she did not want to. What she wanted was to kiss him. To pull him close and to forget everything that made her not doing that. But she could not do that. She couldn’t let Finan get any closer to her. If she let him, he would be pulled into her mess, and she couldn’t do that to him. He was too good a man to deserve that.

Somehow she was almost longing for the Danes to arrive. Not because she wanted to fight. No, simply because then she would be distracted. And she wouldn’t see him so often. And Finan? Well, he would be busy too. And Shaylee was sure that we would forget about her if she would just stay away from him. He would find a better woman — a woman with no secrets and no complicated past.

A week after Pentecost, the waiting was over. Shaylee was about to leave the town. When a young boy came run towards her. “Lady. The lord Uhtred asked you to stay in the city today. The Danes are here.”

“What?” Shaylee perplex.

“The Danes are coming.”, repeated the boy, who was totally out of breath.

The news slowly sank in, and Shaylee instructed the boy, "Take me to my uncle."

She found her uncle on the city wall where he was looking at the ships coming up the river Dee. Beside him were standing Æthelflæd and Finan.

Shaylee stood beside them and stared down to the ships. They had landed a little below the town. Shaylee watched as the men streamed out of the ships and set up their camp on the bank of the Dee.

"They are not only Danes," Finan suddenly murmured beside her.

Shaylee looked at him in surprise and Uhtred and Æthelflæd also gave him a questioning look.

"Down there, they're not just Danes. There are other men among them," Finan repeated, nodding at the camp that was being built as if there was another camp.

"Welsh?" asked Uhtred. That would make the most sense. Saxons and Welsh had fought over and over again over Ceaster. Maybe they wanted to make another attempt to conquer the city.

This was precisely the theory she shared with the others, and Æthelflæd shrugged her shoulders slightly, "Possible.”

“Best would be if I send Sihtric down, then we’ll find out.” Uhtred decided, but at the same time, he gave a lightly questioning look. She nodded in agreement.

Shaylee frowned and said, "I should go with him. As a woman, I will never be suspected of being a spy."

Æthelflæd turned to her and asked a bit insecure: “Are you sure you can handle that? You would be surrounded by Danes, and whoever else is down there.”

“Sure. I mean it is basically about not standing out and watching people. I can manage that,” Shaylee replied with a confident grin.

Uhtred also looked at her critically, and she added: “Uncle, they will not look for a female spy. Nobody would be suspicious of me. Or would you look twice at a woman when she crosses your path in a campsite?”

Uhtred still seemed to be completely comfortable with her going into the camp, but he still agreed in the end. He only meant: “But if I were you, I would change my dress.”

Shaylee looked down at herself and had to agree with him. Everything she wore screamed SAXON. She had to change that before she crept into the camp on the banks of the Dee. And she did, she still had the dresses she wore when she first met her Uncle. They were not precisely Dane, but she looked a lot more Danish then Saxon. So she should be alright. However, she was pretty sure that nobody would look twice at her.

By nightfall, when she snuck out of a small side gate of the city wall. By her side was Sihtric. He seemed to know exactly what he had to do so Shaylee followed his lead as they crept closer to the camp. All around the camp guards had been posted, but Sihtric still found a place, where they could slip through the meshes without anyone noticing.

Once she was in the camp, she made her way to the middle of the camp. That’s where she assumed a woman would stand out the least. Who would look at a woman crooked near a kitchen tent?

But all her plans suddenly changed as she came around the corner of a tent. She stopped as if she had petrified and stared at the men sitting there by the fire. For a moment, she thought that she must have seen a ghost. But then she realised that this was not the case that she saw bright and clear. As quickly as possible, she hurried back behind the next tent.

The pure sense of duty kept her from merely storming out of the camp. She had to force herself to take a deep breath and to come up with a new plan. So she couldn’t stay in the middle of the camp. Well, then she would look around on the edges of the camps. From the city wall, she had seen that there were campfires by the ships. And that was her next target.

Casually she sought her way to the ships. Shaylee was fully aware that it was important not to look as if she didn't know her way around. Because then she would arouse suspicion despite everything. On her way, she took a big pan form a young girl. Men were sitting around the fireplaces, and they were only too happy to have dinner ladled into their bowls. While she was distributing food, she was listening to the men talking about the next days. She learned that the men were prepared to stay here longer than only a couple of days. Also, she learnt that the man commanding the Danes was called Holmger Carrson.

For a while, she stayed near the ships but then it would have been conspicuous for her to stick around. So she cautiously roamed through the camp, trying to gather as much useful information as possible. But as the night got darker, the information got more and more useless. So Shaylee started to look for Sihtric.

“Hey, you. What are you doing here all alone?” she heard a voice behind her.

She signed and turned to him. She was really not in the mood for a fight with a Dane right now. So she decided that it would be best if she simple acted like an innocent little woman. She put on a smile and answered: “I am looking for my husband.”

“Your husband? He shouldn’t let you wander around her all alone.”

Shaylee chuckled: “You can tell him that when you see him.”

The Dane came closer and put his hand around her chin: “Maybe, I should take advantage of his absence.”

That went too far for Shaylee, she pulled her chin from his grip and took a step back. She wished she could have taken her bow with her, then she could have hit him with it.

But before she could do anything or answer, she heard Sihtic's voice: “Ey! Leave her alone.” He shoved her behind him and said to the Dane: "I brought her here me so that I can fuck her and no one else.”

Shaylee picked from behind Sihtric to see what the Dane would do. But he only shrugged with this shoulders Sihtric meant: “Sorry man. I was only joking.”

“Well, wasn’t a good one.”, Sihtric replied, then turned around and dragged Shaylee with him. When they had turned behind a tent, he let go of her and asked, slightly worried, "Everything okay?”

Shaylee nodded quickly: “Yes, don’t worry. But thank you for the rescue.”

Sihtric chuckled: “I am pretty sure you would have been able to manage him, anyway.”

Shaylee smiled slightly, That was nice of him to say. But she wasn’t sure if it was true. She was carrying a dagger, but she was much more comfortable with her bow.

“Found out anything important?”, Sihtric asked, and Shaylee told him what she had heard at the campfires. Sihtric had heard the same stories, and as the most camp inhabitants were already sleeping it their tents, they decided that it would be best to retreat to the city.

As they entered the city again, Shaylee relaxed a little. Within the city walls, most people had already retreated into their homes too. Of course, there were men standing guard on the walls of the city. But other than that, Shaylee did not see a lot of people on the road to the house where Lady Æthelflæd resided. With Lady Æthelflæd also Uhtred, Osferth and Finan were waiting for Sihtric and her. It gave Shaylee a short sting when her gaze crossed with Finan's. Quickly, she turned to her actual task and began to tell in short sentences what they had found out. As Sihtric told them what the name of the commander Uhred nodded but he did not seem too surprised.

"If they do not expect to attack in the next few days. What are they going to do here? " asked Æthelflæd with a furrowed forehead. She had replaced her dress with a kind of leather armour. It seemed that with her clothes, she wanted to make clear that she was their commander even though she was a woman. Shaylee had heart stories and knew that Æthelflæd she had fought in battles. One of the reasons why Shaylee respected the Lady of Mercia. Now she turned to Uhtred and said: “Danes do not besiege cities. They have rarely done that in the past. Especially not one as well fortified as Ceaster.”

"Maybe they've changed their strategy," Finan asked doubtingly and looked around.

Uhtred shook his head: "I don't think so. For a Dane, there's nothing worse than losing men. For a Dane to lay siege to a city, he must be incredibly confident of victory and have an enormous number of men at his disposal. And that's not what Holmger Carrson has."

"Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that the men the Danes are reinforcing are Irish," Sihtric interjected.

"Irishmen? What do the Irish want in Ceaster?", asked Æthelflæd astonished.

Shaylee hesitated briefly. She did not want to answer this question. Everything in her resisted, but she knew she could no longer hide it. Her past had caught up with her, and there was nothing she could do about it.

"It could be that they are here because of me," she finally said so quietly that she only got questioning faces. A little louder, she repeated: "It could be that I am one of the reasons why they are here.

The faces of Uhtred and Æthelflæd became even more questioning and Finan, who was sitting on a bench by the fire, bent forward with a wrinkled brow.

“The men down by the river are part of the clan to which I belonged back in Ireland. The man leading them is called Aidan mac Laigni. The son of the King of Cuib,” Shaylee explained, gripping her bow tighter. Then she added, "And my husband."

"Your husband?", she heard Finan ask in surprise.

She looked up reluctantly but avoided his gaze. She saw her uncle looking at her as incredulous as the rest of the group.

"You never mentioned a husband," said Æthelflæd, surprised and a little offended.

Shaylee swallowed hard before she replied, "It hasn't come up yet. I didn't think it was important." That was a shameless lie, of course. She could have mentioned it dozens of times. But she hadn't wanted to because she didn't want marriage and she did not want anyone to know about it. If she could have, she would have undone everything. But that was impossible.

She looked up, and her gaze met that of Æthelflæd. The Lady of Mercia had not let her out of her sight, and when Shaylee returned her gaze, she noticed surprised that there were some compassion and understanding in her eyes. She continued to watch them as Uhtred asked, "Why would he come here to attack the city you are in?

Shaylee raised her eyebrows. It was pretty obvious. But he seemed to want to hear it, so she said with all the restraint she could muster: "Because I came here without his consent. He surely wants me back in Ireland."

"He wouldn't attack a town for that, would he?" Uhtred replied, raising her eyebrows.

Shaylee laughed cheerlessly: "You don't know him. He is a selfish little cunt. He would do anything to get what he wants, and he does not care what it will cost him. So yeah I would not be surprised if he would attack only because of his ego.”

Uhtred continued to look at her stunned, and Shaylee could not stand his gaze any longer. She turned away from him and went to the fireplace in the middle of the room. She poked around in the fire with the scrubbing hook, but then she put it down again. Tired, she stroked her hair from her face and turned around to her uncle. As she did so, her eyes glanced at Finan, who looked at her with a strangely expressionless face. She forced herself to look at her uncle and asked him: "Can I retreat, or do you still need me?”

Uhtred hesitated for a moment, but then nodded: "Go and get some sleep."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	14. Chapter 14

Her uncle had told her to go to sleep, but no way Shaylee would have been able to sleep. Instead, she made her way to the next alehouse. There she had a jug of ale brought to her and sat down at an empty table. The alehouse was not that well visited. No wonder it was already past midnight. But Shaylee did not care. As a matter of fact, she was glad that there were not a lot of people. She did not feel like company. She just wanted to get drunk, so all the feeling within her would not be as overwhelming as they were right now. After the first jug, she still felt this nagging feeling of fear, so she ordered another pitcher. She probably even would have ordered another pitcher, if the owner of the tavern wouldn’t have asked her to leave because they closed.

Outside it was raining cats and dogs, but Shaylee hardly noticed her dress getting soaked with rainwater. Swaying, she made her way back to her uncle’s big house. There was no light, so either her uncle had already gone to bed, or he was still at Æthelflæds. Shaylee struggled to get up the stairs, and in front of the door to her chamber, she stumbled over something on the floor. Giggling, she tried to push the door open but had quite some difficulties doing so. When she finally stood in her chamber, she stumbled towards her bed. But she stopped when she heard someone entering the room behind her. 

"Are you drunk?" asked Finan, astonished and rather accusing.

Shaylee staggered a little as she turned around to him: “Yeah. So what! Why do you care? You shouldn’t care.”

"You can't be serious," replied Finan and came a few steps towards her.

Shaylee raised her hand to stop him from coming closer, but she lost her balance and stumbled against him instead. She propped herself against his chest and grinned up at him: "Oops.

Finan looked at her uncomprehendingly and pushed her a little away from him. But he held her down so she wouldn't stumble again, "What's going on with you?"

"What's the matter with me? My bloody husband followed me across the sea, and it seems that I will never get rid of him. I would say, given these facts, it is only fair that I get drunk.” Shaylee replied. Dissociated himself from him and went to the window. It had stopped raining, but there were still thick clouds hanging in front of the moon. She heard Finan take a few steps towards her and closed her eyes. Almost pleadingly, she said: "Please don't."

"Why?" Finan asked quietly behind her. She could hear a hesitation in his voice, but also that he was hurt. This vulnerability brought tears to Shaylee's eyes. The last thing she had wanted was to hurt him. Shaylee closed her eyes to hold back the tears and bit her lips to suppress a sob. God how she hated that she when turned into a howling misery without any pride when she was drunk.

She didn't answer Finan's question, and he didn't say anything for a while, either. After a while, he said into the silence: "So, you have a husband?”

This was a statement and not a question. So Shaylee did not respond. Anyway, there was not really something she could say.”

"Why did you never say anything?" Finan asked.

Shaylee shrugged. She still couldn't bring herself to turn and look at him. She had the feeling that as soon as she looked at him, the last remnant of her self-control would crumble.

"What should I have said?", she asked back and then turned to him after all. "That I was running away from a husband? How could I tell you that?”

Finan looked at her with his head tilted, and Shaylee stroked her hair depressed out of her face, “You must think I am a real whore, now that you know.”

Finan looked at her in astonished, "Why would I do that?"

Shaylee raised her eyebrows and dryly said, "I'm a married woman, and yet I let you kiss me. There are plenty of people who would judge me for that."

"Do you regret it?" Finan asked quietly, and Shaylee was surprised at how boyish he sounded.

She quickly took a few steps towards him and put her hand on his cheek: “I do not regret anything except that I dragged you into my mess.”

Surprised, he looked at her, and she wanted to pull her hand back already, but he held it tight and put it back on his cheek.

"I can handle a little chaos," he replied, slightly amused.

Shaylee snorted: "A little chaos. I'm afraid that's not quite right." She freed her hand from his grip and took a few steps back. The alcohol was still making her a little shaky, but the encounter with Finan had sobered her up a bit. She leaned with her back against the window railing and returned Finan's gaze.

"I'm sorry," she finally said and dropped her hand against the railing. "I should have told you. It wasn't fair how I treated you."

"Why didn't you tell me?" asked Finan and looked at her attentively.

Shaylee took a deep breath and looked for the right words: "I don't know. I guess I didn't want you to think I was a slut."

Finan burst out laughing: "I certainly wouldn't. I do not care if you are married or not.” He hesitated for a moment and then chuckled: “Well, maybe a bit.”

Even though Shaylee still fought her tears, she chuckled. Then she fell silent because she saw that Finan was apparently struggling with himself to say something. Finally, he revealed: "I was also once unhappily married. I know how it feels. How trapped you can feel.”

Shaylee looked at him speechless. He never had really spoken about his past in Ireland.”

Finan avoided her gaze, and Shaylee knew it had cost him some effort to tell her that. And she was sure that that wasn't the whole story. But she would not ask any questions. He would tell her his story when he was ready.

Finan had sat down at the foot of her improvised bed and watched her from there. Shaylee swallowed a little harder as their eyes crossed. As they looked at each other, and Shaylee was seized by this strange nervousness again. In her stomach, she felt this fluttering that only his gaze elicited.

"Come to me," Finan finally whispered from his bed. Shaylee knew that she shouldn’t. She should have told him to get out of her room. But she ignored her inner voice. Slowly, she walked towards the bed. But the alcohol still left her a little shaky on her feet. So she stumbled over her own feet, and she would have fallen if Finan hadn’t caught her. And before she knew it, she was pressed against his warm chest for the second time this evening. 

"Careful, _acushla_. We don't want you to hurt yourself," grinned Finan.

Shaylee looked up at him with a bright redhead, and an embarrassed giggle escaped her. She was more than aware how close they were. The light wind blowing in through the window blew cold over her still moistened skin. Goosebumps ran down her skin. But they were not only caused by the chilly wind. Finan’s hand was still resting on her waist, sending a pleasantly warm feeling to the rest of her body.

Suddenly Shaylee noticed that her soaked dress was now making Finan's clothes wet.

"My dress, it's all wet. I'm going to mess up your clothes," she said, wanting to get away from him in a hurry.

But Finan just grinned crookedly and meant: “I really do not care.”

And as tight as he held her, he really did not seem to bother that his clothes would soon be just as soaking wet as hers.

No, on the contrary, he was pulling her even closer to him.

Shaylee looked up at him, and suddenly she was uncomfortably aware of her dry lips. Quickly, she ran her tongue over her lips while she couldn't take her eyes off his brown eyes. He had lowered his head down towards her, and Shaylee felt her breathing accelerate as his lips were inches away from hers.

"Kiss me," Shaylee whispered slightly breathlessly.

Finan looked at her gently, and for a moment, Shaylee thought he would not grant her request. But then he bent down to her and gently put his lips on hers. Shaylee stopped breathing for a moment, but then she let her hands slide over his arms to his neck and then into his hair. There she buried herself in his brown hair. Finan shivered briefly and made a sound that was something between a hum and a moan as she pulled him closer to her.

His hands, resting on her waist, stroked up her arms and chased shivers of well-being over her skin. Meanwhile, he kissed her slowly. Teasingly, he ran his tongue across her lips. Then he pulled back a little and kissed the corner of her mouth, her chin and then her collarbone. Shaylee gasped and bent her head back. She heard a soft snort of Finan and opened her eyes for the first time. Finan had also opened his eyes and looked at her with a softness that made the butterflies in her stomach do somersaults.

"I missed you," he whispered roughly as he ran his thumb across her lower lip.

Shaylee breathed somewhat shakily and whispered into the pit of his throat, " I'm here now." In her mind, she added, "I'm not gone yet." But she quickly pushed that thought away. All she wanted to think about was being close to Finan now.

She covered his neck cavity with short, hot kisses before slowly working her way up to his mouth. When she finally found his lips, she felt this hunger for more. Their kisses became impetuous, all the frustration and fear they had felt over the last few weeks turned into lust and affection. Her hands found their way to the hem of his shirt. Impatiently she pulled on it. Finan let go of her and helped her to pull his shirt over his head.

As his shirt fell to the floor beside him, Shaylee's mouth was suddenly dry as dust. Almost hesitantly, she ran her fingers across his chest and then over his shoulders. She felt the strong muscle strains under her fingers and watched with fascination as the fine brown hairs on his chest stood up as she ran her fingertips across his chest.

As she explored his upper body, Finan put one hand on her cheek. Gently, he kissed her on her lips before slowly moving his fingers down to her bodice. His fingers paused for a moment as he sought her gaze. With a nod, she signalled to him that it was okay for her to open the lacing. With quick fingers, he began to undo the laces of her bodice. As skilfully as he did it, the thought flashed through Shaylee's mind that he had probably done it many times before. Strangely enough, this thought gave her a jealous sting. But his breathy kisses on her shoulder and then on her lips quickly made that thought fade away.

Her overdress fell from her body like a curtain, and for a brief moment, an awkward feeling rose in her. She was now only wearing the thin linen shirt, which was translucent and hardly hid her figure. To conceal her embarrassment, she let her hands sink down from his chest. With nimble fingers, she nested around his belt. But before she had loosened it, Finan took her hands and put them around his neck. Then he picked her up as she was light as a feather. Shaylee’s legs wrapped themselves around his waist without her even thinking about it.

Without their lips separating, Finan turned around and carried her to her bed. There he dropped her onto the bed with a broad grin. Shaylee braced herself on her elbows, giggling. Her eyes glided over Finan, who looked down at her with a mischievous grin. Then he followed her into bed. Shaylee raised her head towards him and welcomed him with a long kiss. She ran both hands through his hair and pulled him down to her. Satisfied, she heard Finan gasp as she cheekily nibbled his lip.

"Oh Shaylee..." sighed Finan. His face was only inches away from hers, but Shaylee couldn't stand them being not on hers and she lifted her head kiss him again.

But as their lips met, he pulled back and buried his head in her neck instead. His lips ran across her collarbone and breathed dozens of kisses onto her collarbone.

Then his kisses slowly moved back up. Gently he drew a trail of kisses from her neck, her chin over the corners of her mouth until he finally kissed her on the lips again. His caresses made Shaylee shudder, and her breath went only stagnant. Her fingers slipped across his upper body and clawed his back as he gently bit her on the shoulder and kissed the spot gently right after.

No one had ever touched her like that or caused such feelings in her before. Moaning she bent towards him and suddenly she was aware of his trousers again. Too much fabric if she had her way and she started fiddling on his belt again. Finan broke away from her and put some distance between her and Shaylee.

"Shaylee, are you sure? We don't have to," he asked in a rough voice. He had leaned on one elbow, and his brown hair fell into his face. His gaze was so incredibly gentle and made Shaylee's heart almost burst with tenderness.

She knew all it would take was a shake of her head. A small sign that she wasn't ready for that yet. But she was. She wanted more. She wanted him.

So she nodded: "I'm sure. I want you here and now."

Finan stayed leaning over her for a moment, then straightened up and quickly got rid of his trousers. Shaylee's heart beat faster as he lay back down beside her. He bent down to her, and as his lips touched hers, Shaylee was sure that she had heard a crackling sound in the air. Finan kissed her gently, and these gentle kisses almost drove Shaylee out of her mind. Finan's hand moved slowly from her stomach and then deeper. Shaylee opened her eyes and lost herself in his as he slowly pushed up the hem of her undergarment. Barely audible, she whispered his name, and she buried her hands in his hair, drawing him closer.

Panting, she threw her head back as his fingers reached the centre of her body. No one had ever touched her like that before. Finan spluttered softly as he ran his hand across her belly. Then suddenly, his hand was on her breast. He ran his thumb across her nipple, and Shaylee felt this pull in her abdomen. Finan bent down to her and covered her breasts with a multitude of kisses. 

"How beautiful you are," she heard him whisper. But she could not respond. All she could produce was a hoarse groan. His fingers touched her in places where no one had ever touched her before. Panting, she twisted herself in his arms. She reached out for him and pulled him closer. Finan rolled onto her, and the sudden full-body contact sent Shaylee's emotions completely out of control. Her kisses became slower and more intense. Finan's hand ran through her hair as he kissed her extensively.

Shaylee's hands were on his hips where she pulled him even closer. Finan separated from her with a gasp and looked down at her with her mouth slightly open: "Are you really sure about this?"

Shaylee didn't answer with words but grabbed him by his hair and pulled him down to her to kiss him extensively. She could wait no longer. She did not want to wait any longer. Their tongues danced around each other until he broke loose from her.

And then he was inside her. How well they fit together, shot through Shaylee's mind before she stopped thinking at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Irish/English dictionary:  
> acushla = My darling/My pulse
> 
> Thank you very much for reading.


	15. Chapter 15

Shaylee lounged pleasurably in the warmth of her bed. Her pillow was pleasantly warm but somehow unusually hard. Sleepy, she opened her eyes and realised that her head was not resting on her pillow but on Finan's chest. His arms were wrapped around her, and his hand rested on her waist. Shaylee smiled in pleasant surprise. She could get used to waking up like this.

Tenderly, Shaylee ran her hand across Finan’s chest, and Finan sighed in his sleep. He pulled her closer, and Shaylee was gently pressed against his side. Shaylee was already worried, that she had woken Finan up. But his eyes remained closed, and his chest continued to rise and fall regularly.

So Shaylee had time to gaze at him. He looked younger in his sleep and on his face lay a carefree expression. If Shalyee hadn’t known that he too had his share of unpleasant memories, one could have thought that he had never suffered pain. As her gaze wandered over his face, it lingered on his lips. These wonderful lips! She wished she could kiss them now. But that would undoubtedly wake Finan up, and he should sleep a little while longer. He had truly earned his sleep. Shaylee felt her cheeks turn red as she thought about last night. It was not like she regretted anything. Not at all. She knew all too well that moments of happiness could extremely quickly be over.

Finan’s steady breaths lulled Shaylee to sleep again, and she dozed off until it started to lighten up outside. Cautiously, she raised her head and looked up at Finan. She would have loved to continue lying here with him. If she had had her way, she would not have left the bed all day. But she knew that they had to get up. A little reluctantly, Shaylee stretched herself and wanted to detach herself softly from Finan as he moved and pulled her back in his arms. Sheepishly smiling Shaylee lifted her gaze to Finan's face and saw that Finan was blinking at her sleepily. For a moment, Shaylee saw some confusion in his eyes, and she immediately feared he regretted what had happened that night. But then their eyes met, and he smiled at her broadly.

"Good morning," he muttered, still a little drowsy, and turned to her, " Did you sleep well?"

Shaylee smiled and nodded, "Like a baby."

"I don't know how familiar you are with babies, but they are not practically famous for their deep and long sleep,” Finan replied teasingly.

Shaylee rolled her eyes with a grin, "You smart-arse.”

Finan smiled and bent down to her and kissed her gently on the forehead. For a few minutes, they just lay there mutely enjoying each other's company.

But as it got lighter outside, Shaylee knew that it was about time for them to get moving. With some embarrassment, she turned to Finan. For a moment she hesitated briefly, then said slightly reluctantly: “I really really do not want to kick you out, but …”

Finan nodded with a smile: “I know. I should get out of here before there are too many people up that could see me leaving.”

Shaylee pulled a face and nodded, "I'm sorry." She crawled up a little so that her lips could reach Finan's.

"If you really want me to get out of here, you shouldn't kiss me like that," grinned Finan after they shared a long kiss. But then he got up and began to look for his clothes. Shaylee watched him getting dressed. Preferably she would have liked to pull him back into bed and stayed there forever. But she knew that they were reasonable.

Finan tied his _Scian_ around his waist before he bent her down to her again.

"Get some more sleep, _Acushla_ ," he instructed her, after kissing her again thoroughly, "And then I would think about what you tell Uhtred."

Shaylee looked at him fairly startled, and Finan began to laugh: "Not about us. You know, about that Irish bastard outside the city walls."

Shaylee swallowed, she knew he was right. Even if she didn't like to accept it. She nodded silently but distracted herself by pulling Finan down to her again and kissing him.

Finan chuckled and then broke away from her. Shaylee watched him slip quietly out the door and then fell back into the cushions. She grinned like a Cheshire cat. Strangely enough, she had been sad to death last night, and now she couldn't stop smiling. She already knew that she would soon have to break out of her bubble. But for this moment she just wanted to enjoy this happy bubble just a little bit longer.

She must indeed have fallen asleep again, because the next time she opened her eyes, the sun was already above the horizon. Outside her window, she heard that the city had already woken up and that it was bustling with activity. Moaning, she swung her legs out of bed and rubbed her face. She had never been a real morning person.

But today getting up was even more exhausting than usual. She noticed the effects of her excessive alcohol consumption. It took her much longer than usual to get through her morning routine. But when she came down the stairs to the large courtyard afterwards, she again felt like a human being.

Uhtred was sitting on a bench in the courtyard, sharpening his sword. Shaylee had noticed that he often did that to gather his thoughts. And sometimes he did not even notice what happened around her when he lost himself in the steady movements. But today he looked up as Shaylee came down the stairs. He smiled lightly as he saw her suffering face and wished her a good morning. Shaylee just grunted a bit unhappily and scooped some porridge into her bowl.

"I told you to go to bed," Uhtred said, but Shaylee could hear his grin in his voice.

Shaylee looked over at him and grinned crookedly: "And I did. But you never said when I should go to bed."

Uhtred smiled: "You smart aleck.

Shaylee grinned and started spooning her breakfast into herself. As she pushed the bowl away from her and leaned back, her uncle stood up and put his sword aside. He looked at her attentively and then asked, "How are you?"

Shaylee sighed and shrugged her shoulders, "I'm fine. Please apologise, I shouldn’t have stormed off like that last night. That was not exactly dutiful.”

"Don’t worry. I totally understand," said Uhtred and looked at her sympathetically, " And I usually wouldn't ask you about it either, but now it's something else. We need to know who we're dealing with.”

"I get it," Shaylee replied, smiling rather tortured at her uncle, "What do you want to know?"

"What do I have to know?" Uhtred replied. He had got up and walked over to her. Across from her, he sat down at the table. Shaylee let her gaze wander across the room and realised they were alone. Even the maid was not in sight. Gratefully, she turned to her uncle again.

"Well, as I said before, his name is Aidan mac Laigni. His father is the King of Cuib", Shaylee saw the uncomprehending look from her uncle and explained: "There are many small kingdoms in Ireland. The King of Cuib is a nice title, but it does not come with great power. But the title doesn't need to bring real power either. His father, Aonghus, has that anyway." Shaylee poured herself a cup before continuing: "Aonghus mac Laigni is a rich man. Very rich, in fact. One of his ancestors was King of Ulster, but the family lost that title decades ago. A shame that Aonghus never really digested. That is why he made himself king of the Cuib."

"And what is his relationship with his son?" Uhtred asked.

Shaylee shrugged: "The two are not very close. They are similar, Aidan has his father's brutality but not his intellect. He is driven by his own greed. And he does not care what his actions mean for others.”

Uhtred sat back and said, "And that's why he's here?"

"I wouldn't put it past him. Of course, I can't rule out the possibility that there are other reasons. But when I left, I'm sure that hurt his ego. He can't let something like that slide," Shaylee confirmed.

Uhtred looked at her closely and then asked, "What exactly are you to him?

Shaylee laughed dryly: "I am a prize. A trophy. The daughter of a Danish conqueror, tamed by him."

"You don't really seem tamed," Uhtred remarked, grinning crookedly.

"And that's probably one of the main reasons why he's here. He can't take it upon himself to make it look as if he hasn't got a grip on his wife."

"How on earth did you come to marry such a man?" Uhtred asked, stunned.

Shaylee folded her fingers around her cup and searched for words: "Not by choice. I simply had no alternative."

She looked up at her uncle and hoped that he wouldn’t ask more questions. She couldn’t talk about it. She did not know how to put it into words. And her uncle seemed to understand. He just nodded and changed the subject: "How many men does Aidan lead?"

Shaylee could not answer this question with certainty: "When I left, he had two dozen men. But the way it looked down in the camp, he has more now, or his father has assigned men to him. I also think that it is possible. I don't believe, so Aonghus likes it that the authority of his family is being questioned by his son's wife.”

Uhtred nodded slightly and seemed to be already considering what all this new information meant for him. He asked some more questions, but the essential information appeared to be at hand now.

Shaylee was infinitely grateful that he had not insisted on hearing the whole story. He had only asked for the information he really needed and left everything else to Shaylee, whether she wanted to tell him or not. And maybe one-day Shaylee would do that. But not today, today she was not ready for that.

After her conversation with her uncle, Shaylee went to the practice range in Ceaster and did some training with her bow. The usual movements made her forget the tension of the last 24 hours. The shooting of the arrows gave Shaylee the feeling of being in control of her own fate again. She just had to take responsibility for it.

She was collecting her arrows when a young girl came towards her. Shaylee had seen her several times near Lady Æthelflæd and knew that it was one of her maids. And she asked Shaylee if she would please accompany her to her mistress. Lady Æthelflæd had taken up residence in a house not far from her uncle's. But she seemed to have bothered to give the place a personal touch. For example, the room where Lady Æthelflæd was waiting for her was dominated by a vast cross. Shaylee did not know much about the Romans, but she believed she knew that they were not Christians. At least she would have concluded that from the many mosaic paintings she had admired in her time here and in Lundun.

Lady Æthelflæd crossed herself when Shaylee entered the room and then turned to her. Shaylee felt her inquiring gaze and again, she became a little more aware of why the men of Mercia Æthelflæd followed, although she was a woman. Her gaze really went through Shaylee, and she would not have excluded that she could read her secrets from her soul. But then she asked Shaylee, "How are you?"

Shaylee was somewhat surprised by her caring tone. She had liked Æthelflæd from the beginning but had never thought of her as the most caring person. It was nice to see that she also had this side to her.

To answer her question, Shaylee nodded, "I'm fine."

"That must have been quite a shock. To see your husband down there," Æthelflæd said, hinting to her to follow her.

Shaylee laughed dryly and shrugged her shoulders: "In retrospect, I have to admit that somehow I knew I would see him again somewhere".

"Yes, it is difficult to escape their claws," Æthelflæd agreed with her. Shaylee looked at her in surprise, and Æthelflæd answered her mute question: "My late husband," she hesitated briefly and seemed to search for words, then she said: "Well, he was not a tender husband.”

"Did you ever want to run away?" Shaylee asked curiously.

Æthelflæd raised the corner of his mouth: "May God forgives me. But yes, I wanted to do that a few times. But I had to stay for my country and for my people."

"And now you are the Lady of Mercia. So it was worth it," Shaylee remarked and smiled weakly.

"You might have been Queen of the Cuib once and yet you didn't want to stay?"

Shaylee laughed and shook her head: "I don't think I would have lived to see the day.

Æthelflæd looked at her slightly startled but said nothing. Instead, she opened the door to a room and let Shaylee enter. Shaylee looked around in surprise, for she seemed to be standing in Lady Æthelflæd's chamber. Æthelflæd closed the door behind her and then declared: "I have thought that sooner or later you will face your husband, and then you should look up to your rank.”

"My rank?" Shaylee asked cautiously. She didn't think she had a rank of any kind. After all, she was just a bastard daughter of a Dane.

"You are the niece of one of my most important allies. Who, moreover, has been Lord of Mercia, even if only for a short time. That makes you a lady if you ask me and I have something to say about that," Æthelflæd said, shoving Shaylee deeper into the room.

Shaylee looked around, worried. She was already afraid to see a chest full of dresses. And if she had been asked about the most horrible way she could have stepped in front of Aidan again, disguised as a lady would have been quite on top of her list. But on a massive table by the window, there was something else.

With her mouth open, Shaylee stared at the leather armour that lay spread out in front of her. With trembling fingers, she ran over the pieces and marvelled at the softness of the leather.

"Would you like to try it on?" asked Æthelflæd, smiling. Shaylee opened her eyes, she could not possibly be serious.

" What?" she stammered and looked at Æthelflæd searchingly to see if she was joking with her.

But Æthelflæd just smiled even wider and said, "I told you to face Aidan according to your station. And I don't think that nothing reflects your standing better than this armour".

"But it must have been incredibly expensive," Shaylee still stammered stunned.

Æthelflæd laughed: "Just think of it as compensation for your efforts in the last battle. After all, you fought for my country there."

Shaylee still stared at Æthelflæd in complete disbelief. No one had ever given her such a gift before and then without any ulterior motives.

"So try it on. I want to know how it looks like on you," urged Æthelflæd and pushed Shaylee closer to the table. And as if from nowhere, two maids appeared, they helped Shaylee, who was unable to function normally, to put on the armour. The whole procedure took some time because the leather armour consisted of many individual parts that were joined together with buckles. But then the maids stepped back and nodded at Shaylee.

Almost shyly Shaylee looked over to Æthelflæd, who beamed at her, "You look like a real warrior.

"Really?" Shaylee asked and looked down critically at herself.

Æthelflæd laughed and nodded, "Really! But look for yourself."

She pushed Shaylee in front of a large mirror, and Shaylee' s jaw dropped. The woman facing her could impossibly be her. The woman in the mirror was a warrior. Her upper body was dressed in leather armour. Astonished, Shaylee ran her hand over the soft yet sturdy leather. The armour snuggled up tightly to her skin, yet did not constrict her. Testing, she moved her arms. Her shoulders and arms were relatively unprotected. But it was almost impossible to do otherwise, as she would have the necessary freedom of movement to use bow and arrow quickly and effectively. But her left forearm was protected by a splint that was covered with brass. Although this brace was intended more to protect the inner arm from the bowstring, but it looked as if it could also ward off the one or other sword stroke. Shaylee still looked stunned in the mirror. The white linen dress was only just knee-length. So that Shaylee was not hindered by it. Underneath, her legs were in brown trousers. What fascinated Shaylee most, however, were the patterns that were carved on the complete armour.

"These are Irish patterns," she said, stunned, "How did you get this armour?

Æthelflæd just smiled, "I have my ways. Do you like it? Do you feel comfortable? And most important, do you think you can fight in it?"

Shaylee grinned broadly, "You bet! Bring them on!"

Æthelflæd laughed, and to Shaylee's surprise, she embraced her.

Hours later, Shaylee was still walking on air. She could not believe the wonderful things that had happened to her in the last hours. And her mood got even better as he returned to the house of her uncle later that afternoon.

Her uncle and his men were just coming towards her. Among them was, of course, Finan. As his gaze fell on her, he stopped suddenly and looked at her in astonishment. Shaylee had some trouble refrain from laughing. He was not alone with his surprise. Uhtred and the other man also stared at her, as if they had never seen a woman before. Uhtred simply stared at her and Osferth’s mouth was wide open. The only one not that stunned seemed to be Sihtric. He only grinned slightly and gave her an approving nod.

As the men were apparently unable to say anything, Shaylee broke the silence: "And where are you heading off to these days?

Uhtred didn't seem to know what to say for a moment, but then he shook his head as if to come to his senses and declared, "We're on our way to the city gate. Holmger Carrson sent a messenger. He wants to talk."

"Well then, I'm dressed just right," Shaylee replied and turned to walk with them.

When the men still made no move to start walking, she turned to them again and boldly asked, "And how do you plan to get to the city gate if you just keep standing there? Are you waiting for someone to come and carry you there?”

Sihtric chuckled and winked at Shaylee as the other men a tad embarrassed also started to move

At the foot of the city gate Lady Æthelflæd, her faithful henchman Aldhelm and the strange Father Pyrlig were waiting for them. When she saw Shaylee among the men, her eyes flashed briefly, but then she hid her emotions again behind her usual dutiful mask.

"That took a long time," she said impatiently and immediately swung herself onto her horse, which was being held on the reins by a young man. The men silently followed her lead, and Shaylee also climbed onto her dark brown mare.

When the city gate slowly opened, and Lady Æthelflæd followed by the men rode through, Shaylee's stomach suddenly started to twitch again nervously. She knew that she was almost certainly about to face Aidan. But strangely enough, she felt ready. As ready as she had ever been. She didn't know whether it was the armour or her companion. She just knew that she was prepared for whatever was coming. She would be able to handle it somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Irish/English dictionary:  
> Scian = a Irish Fighting Long Knife
> 
> Thank you very much for reading. I hope you enjoyed the chapter.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a shorter one. I promise the next ones will be longer again. I hope you enjoy it anyway.

Three men on horses waited for them some distance from the city wall. Shaylee knew as she rode through the city gate that Aidan was sitting on the horse on the far right. Her heart skipped a beat when Shaylee saw the shape of him. The strongly-built Irishman looked huge on the lanky horse, and Shaylee had to fight the sudden fear inside her. He could not harm her. She was no longer the powerless young woman she had been the last time she had faced him. Silently, she kept repeating the words, "He has no power over me anymore."

"Are you going to be okay?", she heard Finan ask quietly.

Shaylee glanced over at him briefly and nodded, "Sure. Don't worry about me. I'll be okay."

Finan looked at her sharply and then nodded. To her other side rode Sihtric who had also heard her words. He turned to her and put on his typical grin and said: "And if not, we'll just kill him."

Shaylee turned to him in horror. She tried to interpret his expression to see if he was joking or if he was serious. She would have guessed the first, but when she noticed the look that Finan and Sihtric exchanged, she still said, "You're not going to do that, do you understand?

Both men grumbled something incomprehensible, and Shaylee was forced to add: "I mean it! I don't need anyone to fight my battles for me. Do you understand that?"

Finan smiled spitefully: "Yeah, We get it. But I'd feel better if I could make the guy disappear from the face of the earth."

Shaylee couldn't respond to that because they were now within earshot of the mounted men and she didn't want Aidan to know anything about their uprising. She straightened up in her saddle and stretched her chin forward.

Next to Aidan, two other men were waiting for them. Both men were huge. But the man standing on the right was probably the tallest man Shaylee had ever seen. And he sat on the most giant horse she had ever seen. It had to be; otherwise, it would undoubtedly not have been able to carry this bear of a man. Next to him, another tall man sat in the saddle. He was not a small man either, but next to the giant to his right, he looked like a priest's pupil. As he stood in the middle, Shaylee assumed that he must be Holmger Carrson. She looked at him sharply. He had long brown hair and didn't really look very vicious. Or maybe that was just because he was standing next to a man who looked like he ate a newborn every morning.

Uhtred and Æthelflæd had reached the three men and made her horses stop now some distance away from them. Shaylee remained behind them. On the one hand, because that was her place, on the other hand, she was happy to stay out of sight. But she did not go unnoticed for long.

No other man had said anything, yet. When Aidan drove his horse forward until he could stare at her past Uhtred: “You?” He spat out the word and then drew his mouth to that spiteful grin that made Shaylee shiver every time: "Have you come to crawl back to me?”

Shaylee did not answer. She knew that he only wanted to get under her skin. And she would not give him the satisfaction. So she only looked him straight in the eye.

Her Uncle, however, said: “You will not talk to her. You do not even look at her.” He did not move a millimetre, but his voice was threat enough.

Aidan turned to Uhtred. He was still smiling and did not seem to feel threatened. His gaze slid over Uhtred and then said again to Shaylee: “Really. You exchanged me for him?”

Finan’s horse made a step forward: “Do you have problems with your ears? Do not talk to her.”

“Ohh even a group. I see she was diligent. Well, you can all thank me. I broke her in well.”

Shaylee felt cold rage rising in her stomach and had a hard time to keep the emotion out of her expression. She also knew that the men around her got angry. She knew that she had to calm down Finan, her uncle and his men. But she also did not talk to Aidan. She never wanted to do that again. So she addressed Uhtred instead: “Uncle. Let the Wandoughty talk. We are here to speak to the important men.”

Shaylee enjoyed the angry look on Aidan's face. She knew that she had hurt his ego. She could play the game too, but she usually thought it was beneath her dignity.

Uhtred turned to her briefly and then nodded, "You're right." He turned to the man in the middle and said, "You are Holmger Carrson?"

The man nodded and replied: "And you will be Uhtred Ragnarsson or of Bebbernburg or maybe Dane-Slayer? I'm confused, so many names. Which are you currently going by?”

Uhtred did not react to this thrust but turned to Æthelflæd: "This is Lady Æthelflæd of Mercia. She is the lady of Ceaster."

Æthelflæd spoke for the first time: "And like this, I want to know what you want here?

"I like this place," grinned Holmger.

"It would be even nicer without Danish ships on the shore," Father Pyrlig remarked quietly.

"Ceaster will be ours. I have the men to take it, and nothing will stop me. But I am generous. I will let you and your men go. Without bloodshed without deaths," Holmger continued.

If he had meant that his words would evoke awe. He had been wrong. Uhtred just laughed softly: "You are welcome to try and take Ceaster. But your men will drip down like raindrops on a windowpane. They will die, and so will you if you stay here."

Of course, the Dane only responded to this threat with further insults. And so it went back and forth for quite a while. Shaylee knew what it was all about. The two men wanted to make each other angry. Get them to the point where the other made a mistake, and maybe that would have happened. Eventually, Shaylee stopped listening to them. Instead, she took a closer look at the leader of the Danes.

The Dane had long brown hair that he had tied back with a leather strap. His face was dominated by a broad flat nose. His small brown button eyes looked intelligent. However, what particularly caught Shaylee's eye was the helmet, which he had tied to the saddle in front of him. It was a masterpiece of blacksmithing. On both sides of the helmet were ram horns. Shaylee did not want to know how heavy the helmet was. In any case, she could not imagine that it was practical for fighting.

The men still threw insults at each other and would probably have continued like this for a long time if Æthelflæd had not intervened.

" This will accomplish nothing", she straightened up in her saddle and looked at Holger majestically: "You have until tomorrow sunset to withdraw. After that, we'll drive each one of you mercilessly back into the river."

Then she turned her horse around and rode back to the city. Shaylee waited until her uncle had also turned and then followed him. As she turned her mare, she heard Aidan’s voice: “I will come for you bitch.”

And now she turned around to him and before she gave her horse the spurs and rode back to the city, she said to Aidan: “I will be waiting for you, arseling.”

"And what will we do if the Danes do not retreat," Father Pyrlig asked when they returned to the house of Æthelflæd.

"What I said, we will force them back," Æthelflæd answered the question.

Uhtred replied realistically, "We will not be able to do that."

Æthelflæd looked at him somewhat accusingly: "How can you be so sure of that?"

"Because we are too few men. We might have a chance if we had a horse for all the men, but we don't." Uhtred returned.

“So just stay within the city walls and wait for them to disappear?”, Æthelflæd asked, reluctant. She was sitting on a chair with a backrest. She looked very majestic as she sat there and consulted with their advisers.

“No, because they will not. At least not before we run out of food.”, Finan said and sat down on a smaller chair.

Uhtred also shook his head, “No, they will not.”

“Then what’s the best thing to do? We can’t let them put down roots.”, Shaylee asked.

“No, we can’t. But we will not be able to beat them in on big battle.”, Uhtred answered and said: “But we have to attack them. Over and over again. Until they have lost enough men that we can beat them in one final great battle.”

Shaylee was not incredibly happy about these future prospects. But she knew that Uhtred knew precisely what to do. And Æthelflæd also seemed to see that. She sighed and turned to Father Pyrlig: "Arrange for food to be rationed if it hasn't already been done. We must be prepared to stay here longer".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading.


	17. Chapter 17

Shaylee had never thought about how it would be to live in a besieged city. And even if she had, she probably could never have imagined what it would actually be like. She constantly oscillated between excitement and enormous boredom. She spent hours standing on the city wall and watching the Danes from there. But the Danes did not budge. And why should they? Time was on their side. It was the people within the city walls that were running out of food the longer the Danes stayed precisely where they were.

When Shaylee was not on the wall, she spent her time in a small house next to the home of her uncle. There she treated her patients. The word that she knew about medicine had got around the city quite fast, and day after day, people seeking her help stood outside of her uncle's house and had asked her for advice. In the beginning, Shaylee had treated them within the courtyard of her uncle's house. But when they turned up more numerous, she moved next door.

The rest of her time she spent in an old Roman house. Shaylee had discovered the house on one of her forays. She had noticed it because it looked remarkably deserted. Ivy vines had grown up the entire outer wall of the house and made it look like it was about to collapse. But if one was not deterred by this and dared to go inside the walls, one noticed that the house was still very stable. In fact, it probably will stand longer than the houses around it. But not even if the house had not looked so dilapidated would the people of Ceaster never have entered it. An old woman had told her that the old walls were haunted. And this was what it had made the perfect place for Shaylee and Finan to spend time together. No citizen of Ceaster would have dared to put a foot in the house. So they could get to know each other without fear of being discovered. With time Shaylee and Finan had created a retreat in the house. It was nothing luxurious, but it was her little empire. And as for the ghosts, well, she had never had any supernatural encounters, yet.

One night, she lay in Finan's arms once again. Only a few weeks ago, she could never have imagined even hugging someone else then her family. And now she could not imagine a more beautiful place than in Finan's arms. Gently she ran her fingertips over a scar on Finan's forehead: "Is there a funny story about that?

Finan smiled: "A story of youthful exuberance would be more appropriate."

Shaylee curiously raised her head to take a closer look. She grinned broadly and said, "You and youthful exuberance? I would never have thought of you that way."

"Yeah, yeah, make fun of me", as he saw her challenging gaze, he told her the story: "Well. My mother had got it into her head that her sons should become God-fearing men. That's why we were tormented for hours by priests with verses from the Bible. These studies took place in this old monastery. In a room, I tell you, I have seen dungeons that are more comfortable than this room. Thus, we were always looking for a way out of it somehow. But the only way out was through the door or through one of two windows, but they were small and far above our heads. In fact, unreachable for two boys of 9 years. But after many hours of study, well, we were desperate."

Shaylee giggled and put her hand over her mouth to suffocate it. Finan looked at her with a broad grin, "We pushed the table we were supposed to be working at against the wall and put the chair on it, that's how we reached the window. So we came out of the room. The problem was that we didn't think about how we were going to get back down on the other side. To cut a long story short, I fell down several yards. Fortunately, I fell into the branches of a tree. I broke my leg, and this souvenir has been with me since that day."

He ran his hand over the scar on his forehead and smiled. 

Shaylee laughed softly and asked playfully, "And was it worth it?"

Finan shook his head in laughter: "On the contrary. I had to keep going to class, and because my leg was broken, I couldn't even go out and play afterwards.

Shaylee buried her face in his chest, snorting with mirth. She had always imagined the young Finan as a little rascal. And it seemed like she hadn't been wrong. Finan looked at her mischievously as she raised her head again to look at him: "I'm glad you can amuse yourself about my sufferings."

Shaylee forced her smile to hide and replied: "I would never amuse myself about your sufferings. You totally misunderstand me."

Finan raised his eyebrows, laughing. He played gently with her hair and then asked, amused, "So you did enjoy spending your time with the men of God, I am sure?”

Shaylee thought back to her childhood and then said, "I had no problems with it. The priests, on the other hand, had more trouble with me." Finan looked at her questioningly, and so she explained: "They didn't seem to think that the daughter of a Danish pagan could become a good Christian. Funnily enough, she might have become one if they had given her a chance."

Finans gently squeezed her hand and then said with a grin: "I am glad that you have not become a God-fearing woman. I'm sure you would never have paid any attention to me as such."

"I would have always paid attention to you," Shaylee replied and raised her head to breathe a kiss on his lips.

Unfortunately, Shaylee and Finan could not spend all their time in their refuge. Finan was very anxious for Shaylee to be back in her chamber before the city around them awoke. Shaylee understood why he was so careful to ensure that no one knew about her nightly excursions. After all, she was not yet ready for everyone to learn about their bond. They were reasonable, that much was clear. But it did sting every morning when they packed up their things, and she had to say goodbye to Finan.

And so the weeks passed by Shaylee. She spent the nights with Finan in the old Roman house and the days with guard duty on the walls and training on the training ground. But the longer she stayed in Ceaster, the more time she spent giving medical care to people. 

Children were the first to show the early signs of malnutrition. And the more the people were suffering from hunger, the more fretful the people became. Shaylee felt the atmosphere in the city changing. In the beginning, the people had been optimistic that the Danes would soon leave again. Eventually, they realised that this would not happen. Worried, Shaylee noticed that the dissatisfaction among the people was increasing and she tried to calm them down as much as possible. But her options were limited. She had only brought a limited amount of medicinal herbs with her, and she could not go into the forest to replenish her supplies. And even if she had more herbs, for the affliction, most of her patients had, herbs would not have been of any use anyway. They needed something to eat. 

"We have to do something. People are beginning to starve," she said one evening as she sat with her uncle, Æthelflæd and the men from Uhtred at a pitiful dinner. 

"We can do nothing but pray," Æthelflæd replied, "God will help us."

"In my experience, it is very rare for him to multiply a fish," Shaylee replied dryly as she poked appetisingly at her fish soup.

"What would you do?" asked Æthelflæd irritated.

Shaylee looked over at her. Æthelflæd looked tired and worn out, and Shaylee immediately felt guilty for her remark. She knew that Æthelflæd was close to the suffering of the people, and she would have done anything to alleviate the misery somehow. 

"If only we knew if the messenger had reached my brother and if he was on his way," sighed Æthelflæd and pushed her plate away from her.

Æthelflæd had sent a messenger to Winchester the day they met Holmger Carrson. He had a letter with him in which Æthelflæd asked her brother for help. So far, however, they had received no response to the letter. Perhaps the messenger had never arrived, or King Edward was simply not interested in helping his sister out of a jam.

"Can't we get another messenger past the Danes?" Shaylee asked. She knew she was asking a question that had been discussed many times before. But there must be something they could do. Just sitting here in the city and waiting for them all to starve to death could not be their fate.

Her uncle hesitated briefly, he seemed to know what she was thinking. But then he shook his head: "No, the Danes have pulled the ring around Ceaster very tight. No man can get through there."

"And what’s about a woman?" Shaylee asked cheekily. 

"Out of the question," he broke it out of Finan and looked at her startled, "You're not gonna try to get past the guards."

Uhtred also categorically rejected Shaylee's idea, "No one can get through the Danes' meshes. Not even you."

Shaylee wasn't so sure of that. She didn't think the idea was as bad as the men portrayed it and she carried it around with her for the next few days. 

A few days later, she was examining a little boy who was laying in front of her crying. She had already known what was wrong with him the moment his mother carried him through the door. The baby was only a few months old. Infants at this age were usually still wrapped in baby fat, but this boy was so skinny that she could count his small ribs. 

In tears, the woman explained that she no longer had any mother's milk for her Babyboy. Shaylee nodded, she could see why. The woman was just as skinny as her little boy. It was common for women who did not have enough to eat to eventually stop producing milk. It almost broke Shaylee’s heart that she had to send the young mother back home without anything else than a small bottle of goat milk. That’s the only thing she could do for them. But she knew that the bottle would not last a day.

Totally frustrated, Shaylee closed her practice for the rest of the day. She could not examine any more starving children. She just couldn't take it any more. She wandered aimlessly through Ceaster only to see more starving people. It wasn't the starving bodies that had Shaylee so severely affected. It was rather the fact that she was condemned to inactivity.

The men around Uhtred could at least take occasional breaks into the Danish camp. But her uncle had forbidden her to take part in the breakdowns. She was too important for the welfare of the population. But Shaylee couldn't shake off the suspicion that he just didn't want her to be there. But so far, she had accepted his orders. But on the day the young woman had been with her in the surgery, something changed for Shaylee. She could no longer stand idly by and watch the people around her slowly but surely starve to death.

That same evening, as night fell, she crept through the city. Something she had been doing practically every night for the last few weeks. But today her destination was not the old Roman house, but the city walls. She had very little baggage with her. She hadn't packed any food, she would feed herself on what Shaylee could find, or she would go hunting with her bow. Her quiver on her back and on her belt she carried her water bottle. She also had a long rope over her shoulder. With this rope, she would rope down from the wall. 

Her plan was simple, she would abseil down from the city wall and then sneak past between two guards. Once she had done that, she would set off for Winchester. And there she would find the King of Wessex back with her. If necessary, she would drag him here by his balls.

She knew her way around the city walls. In the last few weeks, she had spent hours on it, so she knew which sections were suitable for her plan. Unfortunately, these were not on the side facing the forest. Shaylee had briefly toyed with the idea of risking it and rappeling down from another section of the wall. If she had been forced to, she could have knocked the soldier on guard unconscious. But what if the Danes dared to attack that very night and the guard soldier didn't sound the alarm because he was still out after her attack. No, she couldn't risk that, she just had to sneak along the wall until she was close enough to the edge of the forest to reach it.

Before she started to climb down the wall, Shaylee took one last look back at Ceaster. She had learned to like the city. However was it the town where had spent great hours. But now it was time for her to leave. And hopefully, she would be back in a couple of weeks.

Sighing, Shaylee tightened her grip around the rough rope and began to climb down the wall. As she climbed down the wall, the story of Finan and the priests came back to her mind, and she smiled spontaneously. She had not told him anything about her plan. And it stung her to think that maybe in this very moment he could be waiting for her in their house. But she had not been able to tell him. On the one hand, because she wasn't sure if she would really have left if he had asked her to stay and on the other hand because he would have wanted to stop her for sure and she couldn't let him do that. She had to leave.

On the ground in front of the barrier, Shaylee had to make it through the ditch that Uhtred had ordered to be dug. It was a muddy business, and Shaylee's dress was hanging heavily from her when she finally climbed up the other side of the ditch. She would probably never get that dress clean again. But Shaylee tried to look at it in a positive light nonetheless. As brown as the dress was now, it would be much less noticeable in the forest.

Shaylee was already completely out of breath when she finally reached the other side of the ditch. But that had been the easy part of her plan. Now it became more complicated. She had to find a part of the forest where the guard fires were far enough apart to slip through between them. It didn't take her too long to search until she thought she had found a suitable spot. The two bonfires were about two dozen metres apart. That wasn’t a big distance, but it should be possible.

Shaylee could see the figures of the guards sitting around the fires. Slowly and carefully, she crept closer to the forest. She tried to stay in the middle between the two fires. When she was within earshot of the two waking fires, she stopped and crouched in the grass. She wanted to wait until a cloud moved in front of the moon. But this time, luck was not on her side. There was not a cloud in the sky for miles around that could have pushed itself in front of the moon. Shaylee waited for some time in the hope that a cloud would appear after all. But after a while, she had to realize that this would not happen. So she had no choice but to risk the rest of the way in the dim moonlight. Crouching as low above the ground as possible, she crept up to the forest.

At a fire, she heard the quiet voices of the men and hoped that they were too absorbed in the discussion to keep a close eye on the surroundings. She actually passed Shaylee between the two fires and stepped between the trees into the forest. She knew she had not yet made it. She had to put as much distance as possible between herself and the ring of campfires as quickly as possible. A little faster than before she started to sneak through the forest. The more yards she put between herself and the campfires, the safer she began to feel. She already thought she had survived the worst when she suddenly heard it crack. She spun around, but before she could see who or what was behind her, something hit her temple and darkness enveloped her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading!


	18. Chapter 18

Shaylee knew immediately that something was wrong. There was her head aching so badly that it almost made her sick. She felt nauseous and tasted blood in her mouth. Moaning, she wanted to feel her throbbing forehead, but something held her back. Astonished, she opened her eyes, but even this small movement caused her pain. Blinking, she tried to get a sense of her surrounding. But first, she only saw flying black dots. It took a moment and some blinking until she could see clearly. And new that she saw down on her hands she knew why she had not been able to lift her hands. They were tied together. Moaning she let her head fall back against the backrest. The bonds could only mean one thing; she had been caught.

She really wanted to swear, but she pulled herself together. Shaylee knew that swearing and getting mad at herself would not help her to get out of this situation. She needed to stay calm and focused. If she wanted to get out of here, she needed to keep cool. So she allowed herself a brief moment of frustration and then she opened her eyes again and looked around the tent.

It was a rather big tent. There was a cot, which looked pretty comfortable for a camp bed. There was another chair and next to the tent entrance was even a small table standing. And on this table, her bow was lying. For a short time, hope flared up in her. But this hope quickly disappeared. Shaylee was still tied to the chair, and as long as she was tied up, the bow could just as well have been on the moon.

Whoever had tied her up had really wanted to make sure that Shaylee couldn’t free herself. Not only were her hands tied together, but her upper body was also tied to the backrest. Even her legs were tied to the legs of the chair. All these restraints were tight, there was no use in tugging at them. Without means, she would not be able to free herself, and as long as she was tied up, she would not get her hands on any tools. So, for now, she would have to stay put.

She directed her attention to the soundscape. Soft rain drummed down on the tent, and dozens of voices reached her ear. She could not follow any of the conversations, there were too many different voices for that. This all indicated that she was in the Danish camp.

When this realization dawned on her, she felt a little queasy in her stomach for the first time. Because this meant even if she could free herself of the restraints, she would still be in the mids of a camp full of Danes. Shaylee felt that she was about to freak out and had to upbraid herself. Under no circumstances could she break out into panic.

“Calm. Stay calm. There is no use in panic.”, she repeated again and again in silence. She forced herself to take one deep breath after the other. She knew that for now, she could not do a lot. But what she could do in the meantime was to rest and to recover as much as possible.

She did not know how long she had been sitting in a quite uncomfortable chair. But it for sure felt like hours. Eventually, she fell asleep again, or maybe she just lost consciousness again. She couldn’t say exactly. In any case, she did not feel a bit rested when she woke up again. But who would feel rested, if one was woken up by a gush of cold water?

“And there she is again,” she heard a boisterous voice, she only knew too well.

Confounded, she closed her eyes. Just as she had thought the day could not get any worse, it did. She needed a moment to digest the shock. Then she raised her eyes and looked dignified at Aidan: “Hello arseling.”

Aidan acted sadly and took a step back: "But this is no way for a loving wife to greet her husband after a long separation.”

"Good thing I'm not a loving wife," Shaylee replied, glaring at Aidan.

She saw the hand coming as he gave her a violent slap with the back of his hand. Shaylee's head was thrown to the side, and she tasted blood.

“You know. First I thought they were joking when I heard the rumour, that the niece of the Dane-Slayer had been captured. But then, there you were. Tied up like a present.” Aidan grinned and bent down to her: “I told you I would get you.” Roughly, he grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him. “And now that I have you. I will never let you escape me again. And one day you will submit. I promise you that.”

Shaylee forced herself to look emotionlessly into Aidan’s evil, but still, beautiful eyes und returned: “I’d rather die.”

"I'm sure that can be arranged," Aidan smiled. His grip on her chin became even more painful, "But you'll have to beg for it."

And then he kissed her roughly. His tongue thrust into her mouth and explored her with a bold familiarity, roving and plunging, retreating and lunging again. Shaylee was petrified and unable to react in any way. Then just as suddenly as he had begun, he pulled back, "Very nice for the beginning. But I'm sure we'll get into that later."

Shaylee was nauseous when Aidan unstrapped her from her chair and then pulled her to her feet. Shaylee’s heart started to beat faster. She knew that she was not allowed to show that she was scared. That would only make things worse. But she was struggling with it. She held her breath as Aidan pulled her close to him and grinned wickedly: “I will have my fun with you. But first, we have a couple of questions for you.”

He grabbed her by her bound hands and dragged her behind him like a stubborn piece of cattle. Shaylee stumbled behind Aidan, and cold rage slowly rose into Shaylee. She yanked her hands away from Aidans and stared at him: “I can walk by myself.”

Aidan turned to her, and for a moment, Shaylee saw anger flaring up in his eyes. He hated it when she undermined his authority and even now, bound and in a muddy dress, Shaylee would not let him treat her like a little child. He grabbed her by her hair and pulled her close: "You will do as I tell you. The time of your disobedience is over once and for all."

Shaylee drew the air in sharply and then looked pitifully at Aidan: “Does your ass get jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth?”

Aidan closed his eyes and expelled the air: "I wish I had time to exorcise your insubordination. But it'll have to wait." He grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her in front of him. He was not a bit gentler than before. But Shaylee was satisfied that she had insulted him earlier.

At the end of a tent alley, he shoved her into another tent. Shaylee stumbled and fell to her knees.

"On her knees already? I didn't expect surrender so soon," smiled the man crouching in a chair in front of her. She lay on the floor in front of Holmger Carrson, the leader of the Danes.

Shaylee sparkled at him and fought herself back to her legs: "There will be no surrender.”

Holmger smiled and looked over at Aidan: "You're right, she really is one like no other.”

Aidan grinned broadly and grabbed Shaylee by the neck. Reflexively, Shaylee pulled her shoulders up. Angry, she looked up at Aidan.

Aidan let her gaze glide across her face, then turned to Holmger: " She really is. When I'm done with her, I'll be glad to let you take a turn with her."

Holmger scrutinised Shaylee so thoroughly that she felt the urge to cross her arms in front of her body. As if she could hide something from him. But when she noticed that this only made the dress even tighter and made her curves look more like a show, she dropped her arms again. Holmger started to grin broadly and answered Aidan, but without looking at him: "I might come back to this offer later." He stood up and approached Shaylee, "But right now we have more pressing matters.”

Aidan nodded and positioned himself next to Holmger. Holmger stared at her piercingly. Then he asked, "How much food they have left inside the city walls.”

Shaylee did not answer. She did not even move a muscle in her face.

She would not answer any of their questions. Though she was sure they would not only ask her so politely, and they did. Aidan stepped forward and slapped her face with the back of his hand.

"We asked you a question, vixen," he hissed.

But Shaylee just silently spat out the blood that had collected in her mouth.

To her surprise, Holmger laughed and said: "So she really is a Danish woman. The way she looks, I was afraid you hadn't inherited any of the qualities of your ancestors.”

"Ohh, she is a Dane. She's just a Dane. No Irish girl would behave like her," Aidan replied and then punched her in the pit of the stomach. Shaylee collapsed and could not breathe for a moment. She gasped for breath on all fours, only to be dragged back up by the hair by Aidan, "You'll tell us what the defenders in Ceaster have planned. You will tell us everything.”

Shaylee let her gaze glide unaffected over Aidan's face: "Wipe your mouth, there is still a tiny bit of bullshit around your lips.”

She knew that this insult would result in another punch. But the look on Aidan’s face was worth it.

Shaylee didn't answer a single question, even though she paid for it. Two women had to support her after the interrogation when she was taken back to Aidan's tent. Where "support" was the wrong word, "carried" would have been more appropriate. Two guards followed the small group, who Aidan had undoubtedly instructed not to leave Shaylee's side. Shaylee did not understand precisely what the point of this was. As much as she wanted to escape, she was realistic enough to know she would never have made it out of the camp, not in her condition.

The women gave Shaylee a slightly pitiful look as they closed the tent canvas behind them. Finally, Shaylee was alone again. Powerless she dropped to the ground. It seemed that the last bit of strength just had left her body, and for a short time, Shaylee allowed herself to sob and shed a few tears.

Aidan had mauled her pretty severely. Her face felt as if the parts had tried to changed places. Groaning, she felt her chest, quite sure that one or more of her ribs had been cracked. Even though she had almost forgotten what it felt like, she still knew what a cracked rib felt like. She crouched down and alone in the tent, felt sorry for herself. But although tears run down her cheeks, she knew that it would not matter how much they would hurt her. The pain would disappear eventually.

Shaylee was left alone for several hours. At the beginning Shaylee was glad about the break, but the darker it got outside, the more restless Shaylee became. She knew Aidan would return, and she also knew what he would be up to. And as beat up, as she was, she just not knew how she should fight him off. It was rather disheartening how helpless she was feeling right now. Tied up to the pole in the middle of the tent, Shaylee felt like a cattle waiting for the slaughter.

Outside it was darkening, and she heard men gathering around the campfires. Only a few weeks ago, she had been sneaking around these very campfires unnoticed, listening to the men. This now seemed like a distant memory to her.

But the louder the voices around the campfires became, the more hopeful she became. Maybe Aidan would be too drunk to find his way back to his tent. Or perhaps he would be too impatient and would simply find a whore on the way. But all this hope vanished into thin air when she heard footsteps coming single-mindedly toward the tent. The light fell into the tent as Aidan pushed back the canvas and stepped into the tent.

Grinning, he looked at her as she leaned curled up at the foot of his field bed, “There she awaits me. Just like a good wife.”

He grabbed her by the hair and dragged her up by it. Shaylee gasped and tried to stare at Aidan as cold and emotionlessly as she could. But she knew that she could only do so to a limited extent.

She tried to cover up her weakness by throwing coldly at Aidan: "What a man you are. Threatening an injured, beaten woman. Only a real man could do that."

Aidan ignored her completely. His gaze had returned to her face, and he suddenly stepped forward and gripped her chin in his hand. Shaylee grabbed his wrist and yanked. But he had fingers like steel. Disregarding her efforts to free her, he turned her face from one side to the other.

"A little colour never hurt you before," he finally decided. He pushed her back brusquely so that she fell on the bed. Shaylee tried to fight him off with her legs, but Aidan was too strong. He grabbed her legs and pushed them down. In his hurry to push up her dress, he tore it in pieces. As Aidan pressed her down on the bed, Shaylee closed her eyes and tried to crawl as deeply as possible into her subconscious.

With closed eyes, she silently prayed to God or the gods. She was not picky. She would talk to whoever was listening. She prayed for a sudden storm for lighting that would strike Aidan. She wouldn’t have minded if the lightning would also have hit her. Just as long this torment would have been over. But no storm did come, and no lightning struck down.

None of the following days got better. Aidan seemed to have set himself the goal of making Shaylee suffer as much as possible. He had never touched her with kid gloves, but in those days he seemed to have shed all restraint. More then, once Shaylee was sure, that he would have eventually killed her if Holmger or his bear-friend wouldn’t have stopped him. They seemed to think that even though she did not talk, she was still useful. Shaylee did not really understand why they were thinking that. But maybe they felt that a weak woman would eventually give in and tell them what they wanted to know. But Shaylee was terminated to make sure that that did not happen. To distract herself from the cruelties of Aidan, she retreated more and more into her dream world. Trying to shut out everything that was happening around her and also with her. The days became blurry and if one had asked her how many days she had been the captive of Aidan, should not have been able to answer.

One day she was dragged out of the tent by Aidan. The day before, Aidan had beaten her up as badly as never before. Shaylee was pretty sure he had broken her arm, she was nauseous all through the night and had been throwing up all night. Aidan seemed to have no sympathy for her at all. On the contrary, he seemed very pleased with himself as he hoisted her roughly onto a horse.

Shaylee was a good horserider on normal days, but she did not know how many days had passed since the last normal day. And with a broken arm and bruises all over her body, she was barely able to stay on the horse as it was standing still. As it started to walk, Shaylee had to grab the saddle with both hands ignoring the pain she was feeling in her broken arm.

Holmger and the bear-man led them on to the path to the city gate, and for a short moment, Shaylee was soothed. Because she had been afraid that they would travel back to Irland. And that was something she had sworn herself not to let happen. But then she realised that if they rode to the city gate, that would most probably mean that she would see her uncle and his mates.

They rode to the most massive city gate in Ceaster and waited there at some distance. They had to wait for some time until something happened at the gate. A crack opened wide, and a handful of men rode through on horseback. Shaylee's eyes were too frightened by her swollen eyelids to really see who was coming towards her. But as the creatures approached, she recognised her uncle, Aldhelm, Father Pyrlig, as well as Finan, Sihtric and Osferth. They were led by Æthelflæd. She sat proudly on her horse. However, you could see that she was emaciated. Her cheeks were no longer as rosy as they were a few weeks ago. Yet, she still radiated power and sublimity that even Holmger and Aidan could not entirely resist. They waited wordlessly for Æthelflæd to speak.

When she finally did her voice was calm and somehow emotionless. There was nothing to suggest that she had already spent almost two months in a besieged city, "You wanted to negotiate? So negotiate. What do you want to offer us?"

Holmger laughed softly: "Let's start with your life. I am not here to make the people of Ceaster suffer unnecessarily. That was never my intention."

Æthelflæd looked at him silently for a moment and then replied: "We will not give up the city. I would rather die within these walls than let a heathen enter through this city gate."

"So you are throwing your life away voluntarily," Holmger said, not surprised. Shaylee was clear that he had not expected Æthelflæd to accept his offer. He turned to Aidan and nodded at him. Then he turned back to Athelflead and said, "But what about the life of one of your subjects? Is that worth so little to you too?"

At that moment Aidan gave Shaylee a push so that she lost her balance and fell off her horse. The impact squeezed all the air out of her lungs, and for a moment, all she saw were stars.

But then her lungs filled with cold autumn air again, and Shaylee managed to stand up swaying. Aidan grabbed her by the neck and pulled her a step behind her, towards Æthelflæd and her men. Æthelflæd stared at her with a mixture of amazement and fright. Standing beside her was Uhtred, who stared at her in sheer horror and would probably have stormed towards her if Æthelflæd had not grabbed his arm. In the second row stood Finan framed by Sihtric and Osferth. Osferth's mouth was open and formed into a frightened O, and Finan stared at her with eyes wide open. Sihtric, who had grabbed him by the arm, had pressed his lips together into a thin line.

Shaylee averted her gaze from the men and turned back to Æthelflæd. She knew that the sight of her had to be shocking, and she could not allow this to shake Æthelflæd’s determination.

"Do not go into it. I'd rather die than be leveraged by those bastards," she croaked hoarsely.

Aidan spun around to her and slapped her so hard that she staggered and fell against Holmger's horse, "And you shut up, you useless whore.

Holmger let his eyes rest on Shaylee for a moment and then turned back to Æthelflæd, "I'm only making this offer once. Move out of town with all the men. Then I'll let you and that unfortunate girl live."

Æthelflæd, who had stared at Shaylee in horror at a few corners of her eyes, now had her gaze firmly anchored in Holmger's: "I will not condemn the lives of hundreds of my subjects. Just to save one woman." She gave Shaylee an astonishingly unemotional look: "She should have chosen a better man to marry.”

Shaylee knew that Æthelflæd was not serious about these words. But she did feel offended. Her eyes filled with tears of anger and powerlessness, and she wanted to turn away from her friends and family. But Aidan held her by her upper arm so that she had no freedom of movement. The negotiations went back and forth for some time, but it was obvious that they would not come to a common denominator. And so Æthelflæd and her companions retreated into the protection of the city walls a little later.

"It won't be long before Ceaster is ours," rejoiced Holmger cheerfully as she too turned the horses around. Shaylee was too weak to climb back on her horse, and no one tried to help her. So she had to stumble behind Aidan's horse like a packhorse. When they returned to the camp and Holmger swung out of the saddle, his eyes fell on Shaylee, "You're lucky. You may survive this, but your friends will … Well, they're all gonna burn."

"They'll never give up. Ceaster will never be yours," Shaylee replied. But she herself heard the doubt in her voice. She knew as well as Holmger that the situation in the city must be getting precarious sooner rather than later.

Æthelflæd could be as stubborn and certain of victory as she wanted but one day they would run out of food, and then she would have to open the city gates. Shaylee could only hope that the Lady of Mercia had a plan. A plan that could manoeuvre her and the people Shaylee loved out of this hopeless situation. However, the next few days did not indicate this.

Shaylee lost herself again in her dream world. She knew that she would have to fight, but somehow she felt like there was nothing left fighting for. All these weeks she had been looking for a way out of the camp. But Aidan kept a close watch on her. She was barely allowed to leave the tent, and when she did, she was always guarded by at least two men. Usually, Shaylee would have to take a chance, but she knew that in her current condition, she did not stand a chance. To escape these depressing thoughts, she increasingly excluded reality. It was a coping mechanism that helped her to survive all this. But the problem was the longer she ignored reality, the more she struggled to distinguish between reality and fantasy.

And so she didn't react when one day the noise in the camp was louder than usual. She did not respond to the screams of the men and women outside her tent. She just sat in the tent on the ground and stared at the wall of the tent. She sat there until she heard steps coming towards the tent. Assuming that it was Aidan, she raised her head and stared expressionlessly at the tent entrance. But it wasn’t Aidan who was standing there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was probably the most difficult chapter I have ever written. I hope you find it interesting. Let me know what you think.


	19. Chapter 19

Shaylee felt as if she was detached from her body as she saw Finan standing in the tent entrance. He stood there, frozen to a pillar of salt, staring at her.

"What have they done to you?" he stammered faintly and slowly approached her. Shaylee said nothing, she just watched him coming closer, never let him out of her sight. She knew that he was here to rescue her. But she could not shake the haunted feeling. And as Finan dropped to his knees before her and reached out to touch her cheek, she flinched. As best as she could, she slid away from him. For a fraction of a second, Finan looked startled and slightly offended, but then he quickly raised his hands and backed away a little.

"Shaylee, take it easy. It is me, Finan. You know me. I won't hurt you," whispered Finan and looked at her with this mixture of pity and offence. Shaylee could barely stand his expression and turned her gaze away.

"I'm going to take off the shackles on your wrists, okay?", Finan asked quietly after a few minutes of silence. Shaylee just nodded slightly, and Finan began to release the restraints with slow movements. Then he asked, "And now the ankle ropes, okay?" He waited again for Shaylee to nod and only then did he start to unknot the rough ropes from her ankles. As these ropes also fell off her, Finan stepped back a little. He seemed to understand that he had to take it slow with Shaylee. That she would need time. He only looked at her. Shaylee felt his gaze rest on her but could not look at him herself. She simply could not bear the horrified look on his face. Finally, Finan gently asked her, “Do you want to get out of here?”

Shaylee nodded hesitantly. Something about the idea of leaving this tent scared her. She knew she had no reason to stay in the tent even a minute longer than necessary. If she was in her right mind, she should have run out of the tent as soon as she was free of her shackles. But something held her back in this tent. Even though she had been held captive here. Even tormented. She had spent some of her worst hours in this very tent. Yet, the unknown outside of the tent frightened her. But she knew that she had to leave. So, she forced herself to nod at Finan and tried to get up. She had difficulties to get up and probably would have made it if it hadn't been for Finan, who helped her.

"Can you walk?" he asked her timidly.

Shaylee wanted to nod, but then her legs bent under her, and she would have fallen down if Finan hadn't caught her. Now he picked her up like a child and carried her out of the tent.

He talked to her all the way into town, reassuring her. While Shaylee hid her face in his shoulder. The sun blinded her, and she did not want to look into the faces of the people who looked at her shocked and pitiful. In Ceaster Finan brought her to her uncle's house and laid her on the bed in her old room. He stayed with her until Uhtred stormed through the door and rushed to Shaylee's bed.

Shaylee looked distraught at the man, who looked terrifying. He was covered in blood, and a deep cut was made across his cheek. As his gaze glided across Shaylee's battered body, his look became even angrier.

"I swear he'll pay for this," he reached for Shaylee's hand, and Shaylee suppressed the reflex to pull her away. He would not hurt her. But Shaylee just found it hard to allow physical contact with anyone.

"How are you?" Uhtred asked her gently and scrutinised her closely.

Shaylee opened her mouth, she really wanted to answer him, but she couldn't make a sound. Her lower lip began to tremble, and Shaylee averted her gaze. She didn't want to cry, she wanted to show them that she was still strong. But there was nothing she could do to stop tears rising to her eyes. Uhtred seemed to understand and gently patted her hand: "It's all right. You just get some rest. I'll have a healer come to you."

As he stood up, he exchanged a look with Finan and then said, "You're staying with her?!

Finan nodded quickly, "I won't leave her side."

He really did not. Finan stayed with her as she hung gagging over a bowl and vomited blood. He stroked her back as she was shaken by cramps and wiped the cold sweat from her forehead.

Shaylee was hardly aware of any of this. She lived through the days as if she was shrouded in thick fog. She slept a lot, and even when she was awake, she wasn't sure she wasn't dreaming it all. There were times she felt like the world was slowly disappearing in front of her. Of maybe it was just her, who was solely fading away. But in those moments, it didn’t matter anyway. Because all she could think about was her hurting body and her heart hitting her chest so hard, that she felt it would shatter her already cracked ribs.

She spent almost all her time in bed. She simply couldn't muster the energy for anything else than laying in her bed. For days on end, she just stared at the ceiling above her. But she couldn’t find answers to any of her questions on the ceiling and the anxiety slowly turned into panic.

She tried to shut out all the dark thoughts by merely keeping her eyes closed. So she did not see any of the questioning faces or the pitying looks. She knew that her apathy must be frustrating and perhaps a little scary for Uhtred and the others, but as much as she wanted it, she could not shake off this void inside of her.

For hours she lay in her bed with her eyes closed to avoid any interaction. One morning she was lying on her bed again with her eyes closed, but awake. When she overheard a conversation between Finan and Uhtred. They must have been standing by the door because their voices were soft. But she could still hear every word.

"Has she said anything yet?" Uhtred asked.

Shaylee heard Finan sigh: "Not a word."

Steps came closer, and Uhtred's voice was suddenly very close: "I'm gonna kill that Arseling."

"Death would still be too gentle," Finan replied in a voice full of suppressed anger.

There was silence in the room for a while, then Uhtred asked, "Do you think she will make the journey to Coccham? I would like to give her more time to recover. But I have to get back. And I do not want her to leave her behind. I need to keep her close so I can protect her.”

"She's gonna be okay. She's weathered it all so far, she'll make the trip to Coccham."

"I hope you're right," Uhtred replied quietly.

Shaylee was laying very still and listening to the conversation between her uncle and his second-in-command. Even though the men were worried about the trip, she was glad to finally leave Ceaster. Here in Ceaster, the memories were everywhere. She could neither hide nor run or fight them. Her memories were indeed her worst enemy, and her only hope was, that with Ceaster, the memories would also stay behind.

Sadly, this only partly came true. The weight on her chest seemed to soften a little. But she still didn't really feel liberated. The journey to Coccham was tedious and dragged along. Had they all been on horseback they might have had 3 days to reach Coccham. However, as it was out of the question to put Shaylee on a horse, and so she travelled in a cart. It took almost a whole week until they reached Coocham.

As they rode through the gates of Coocham, one of the first to reach them was Eadith. She came hurrying out of the great hall. As she rushed towards them, her eyes glid over all the riders and counted them silently. Her eyes widened as she saw the cart and then recognised Shaylee. She put her hand over her mouth and hurried to her side.

"How is it that she is beaten green and blue every time she gets here," Eadith asked, but did not wait for an answer at all. Instead, she helped Shaylee down from the cart and then took her to her quarters.

The next couple of days, Eadith did not leave the side of Shaylee. She watched over her like a mother hen. Made sure that she ate something and drunk enough water. She was caring but also understood that Shaylee needed space. She met her with just the right amount of compassion. After a few days, however, she became stricter, she made Shaylee get up and told her to go nearby lake to wash, “You can’t hide in this chamber forever. This will not work. You have to face the real world. And besides, with all due love, you smell pretty strong."

Shaylee knew she was right, but still, she only went to the pond for Eadith's sake.

The small lake lay quietly there, surrounded by trees whose foliage had meanwhile turned into a colourful spectacle. On the surface of the lake, distorted by the ruffled water, was her own face. Shaylee was startled by her own reflection. Suddenly she understood why everyone looked at her with such pity. She looked terrible. Both her eyes were barely swollen anymore, but they were still framed in dark purple. In general, her face was more purple than any other colour. The contrast to her otherwise so light skin seemed almost grotesque. Her appearance also did not improve when she stripped off her dress to wash in the lake. On each arm, there are great purple welts that will only deepen over the coming week.

She sighed and let herself slide slowly into the cold water. As soon as she was in the water, she was glad she had forced Eadith to do it. The cold water surrounded her body and cooled her maltreated limbs. Slowly she swam further out into the lake. There she let her legs float underneath her and let herself float a little in the water. The water moved around her limbs in swirls, creating buoyancy and sense of freedom. The clouds passed over her, and a gentle wind blew gently over her. She closed her eyes and let herself sink under the water surface. With slow arm movements, she dived deeper and then opened her eyes. The underwater world of the lake lay calmly before her. She heard the soft gurgling of the lake and how seaweed swayed gently back and forth under her.

For the First time in forever, Shaylee's mind was locked into the present. The anxiety was gone, or at least she could ignore it a while. Shaylee enjoyed the silence that surrounded her. Peace and quiet. She would have stayed forever in this quiet parallel world, had she not needed air to breathe at some point. With some energetic movements, she shot up and broke through the water surface.

She gasped for air, and with the cold autumn air that poured into her lungs, new life seemed to awaken in her. She took a deep breath and looked around. It was as if a light mist had lifted and she could finally see the colours of her surroundings again. She still felt the bruises and the cracked bones. But they didn't seem to hurt so much anymore. With newly awakened spirits she returned to Coccham.

On the way to Uhtred's house, she ran into Eadith. Without further ado, Shaylee took her in her arms and whispered, "Thank you."

Eadith looked at her in amazement, but then smiled broadly: "I'd loved to." She looked at Shaylee and said, "You look like a human being again."

Shaylee smiled a little: "That's how I feel."

Eadith hitched herself to her and pulled her gently towards her uncle's house: "Come on, then. You must be hungry."

Shaylee was hungry. For the first time since she had arrived in Coccham, she sat down at the long table in Uhtred's house. She barely took part in the table talks, but it was the first step back to a normal life. It didn't happen overnight, but slowly and surely, she made her way back to her old life. She was still often on her own. Spent hours in the forest where she collected flowers and herbs. Sometimes she let Eadith accompany her, but most of the time she went alone. Her uncle only allowed her to go alone with gritted teeth. But he seemed to understand that she needed this, so he did not stop her.

So, she came closer and closer to her old life again. She started joking again with the men at the table and started to give the villagers medical care. The only person she continued to avoid was Finan. At first, he did nothing about it. He gave her time and space, but the longer she stayed out of his way, the more he sought contact and Shaylee slowly but surely ran out of excuses. Excuses so she wouldn't have to tell him that she was afraid of letting anybody close to her again. That she still hardly could bear to be touched. And could not imagen that this would ever change again.

Finan let her go on for quite a long time, but one day his patience seemed to have run out. Shaylee had just said goodbye to a patient and washed her hands to be ready for another patient if there were any. As the door to her small consulting room slammed shut, she turned to greet the new patient. But in front of her stood not a patient, but Finan.

He had the blue rag in his hand, which she used to indicate that she was in her consulting room and taking care of patients. Finan threw the cloth on the table.

Shaylee looked up at Finan from the cloth and asked, "And what exactly should this be?

"You've been avoiding me for weeks now. Always you had something really important to do. Now you have nothing more to do. Now you have to talk to me," replied Finan.

"I don't have to do anything," Shaylee replied and grabbed the cloth and tried to get past Finan. But he made no move to get out of her way, and Shaylee was not strong enough to get past him. She stared up at him, furiously: "Would you please get out of my way?"

"No, I won't. We're going to talk now," Finan refused and put his big hand against the door.

Shaylee snorted and stared angrily up at him, "So you're going to make me do this?

"I don't want to make you do anything, but what am I supposed to do? You've been avoiding me for weeks. You haven't spoken a handful of sentences to me. How do you think that makes me feel?"

Shaylee turned away from him and went to the table where she made the herbal mixtures. Her hands trembled as she reached for the pestle to crush the valerian roots.

"It is better for you to just stay away from me. Better for everyone," Shaylee said softly.

"Why would that be better for me," asked Finan, excitedly, and came a few steps into the room.

Shaylee sighed and turned to him. She was forced to look at him, causing her mental pain: "I'm not good for you. I am broken. I will never be whole again. I'm..." She broke off and discarded her hands.

Finan looked at her in shock, "You're not broken."

"Yes, I am. You don't know what it's like being locked up. At someone's mercy. No way of doing anything against the arbitrariness of others. No means of escape."

Finan laughed cheerlessly: "I'm not supposed to know what that's like? I know exactly how it feels. It's like being in the middle of the ocean swimming. High waves are throwing you around, and there's nothing you can do about it. You have nowhere to go. It is like someone dragging a knife across your heart slowly, and you have to see it. It's like you are literally begging death to come and take you in its vicious arms, that is somehow more bearable than the pain and the hopelessness you are feeling", Finan's voice had become louder and louder, and now it broke off again. Shaylee watched as he clenched his hands in fists, obviously wrestling with his memories. He stood quietly in the room for a few moments, breathing harder than normal. Then he looked at Shaylee with expressionless eyes and muffled said, "Don't say I don't know what it feels like to be trapped. Because I do."

Shaylee felt the urge to hold him. For the first time in weeks, she felt the urge to touch anyone. She wanted to hug him. Wanted to tell him that she was sorry. That she didn't mean any of the things, she said. She wanted to kiss him on those twisted lips and say that it was all just a bad memory and that they were here now and nothing more could happen to them. But she just couldn't do it. She knew that this would have been a mistake.

So instead she said: "You're right. You obviously know what it feels like. But that doesn't change the fact that I can't give you anything. You deserve a woman who is good for you - a woman who can offer you a peaceful life at home. I can't do that. For Christ sake, I'm still married. I can't give you more than ...", she broke off and discarded the hands.

"What if I don't want more?" asked Finan and Shaylee involuntarily took a step back. There was a look of recognition on Finan's face, and he quickly said, "That's not what I mean. I just mean that I don't mind if we can't get married. Don't you understand? I want you and I don't care what the price is."

"What if the price is too high," Shaylee asked, looking Finan straight in the eye.

Finan looked her in the eyes and came a little closer. She could still see the agitation in his eyes. The dark clouds that the memories had conjured up. But there was something else in them too. Finan reached out and gently touched her hair. Gently he plucked it, twisted it in his hands and then gently put it behind her ear: "There is no price I would not be willing to pay.”

They both knew what would happen. She could not escape this inner urge. Their lips came closer and closer, and when they met. He kissed her, and the world fell away. It was slow and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be. His hand rested below her ear, his thumb caressing her cheek as their breaths mingled. She ran her fingers down his spine, pulling him closer until there was no space left between them, and she could feel the beating of his heart against her chest.

Shaylee had forgotten how well he could kiss. How warm and safe she felt in his arms. And Finan knew precisely what to do to break her last resistance. His lips moved to her neck, and Shaylee felt his warm breath on her skin. She sucked the air in deeply and bent her head back as Finan nibbled her neck gently.

„Please come back to me.“, he whispered, and Shaylee knew that she would. Even though she knew that she shouldn’t. She should have told him, to stop and get out of the room. But she just couldn’t, she had to pull him closer and had to get lost within his kisses and touches. And for the first time in months, she felt good. She felt like herself again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For once in Shaylee's life things are a little more peaceful. She has earned it, I would say.

With relish Shaylee lounched. They sat on the floor of her consulting room in front of her open fireplace. Finan was leaning against a heavy box and had his arms around it. Smoothly, his warm breath stroked over her shoulder. Her head rested gently on his chest. She loved to lie in his arms like that. She felt so protected. It was as if nothing could harm her. As if there was nothing to fear out there. And for today, she allowed this feeling to happen, even though she knew it was just wishful thinking.

In fact, Shaylee felt so secure that for the first time since she had been freed, she asked, "What actually happened to the Danes at Ceaster?

Finan looked at her with surprise, "You don't know?"

"No. I ...", Shaylee looked for words to describe what she felt after her liberation, "It was like being in a bubble. I heard you talking, but I didn't understand you. Somehow the words didn't make any sense."

Slowly, Finan nodded and then began to say, "Do you remember the messenger that was sent to King Edward?" Shaylee nodded, and Finan continued, "Well, this one eventually arrived, and King Edward finally arrived a few days before your deliverance. He hid in the forest until he finally attacked the day of your liberation. When we saw the king's men, we broke out of the city walls. The Danes were too surprised by the attackers from two directions to really fight back. Most of them we killed or captured." Shaylee bit her lips, she had already suspected that Aidan was not among the dead or captured, but Finan now confirmed it to her: "I saw him jump on one of the last ships that escaped us."

Gently, Finan stroked her cheek with his fingers and kissed her gently on the forehead: "But he is far away. He can't harm you here."

Shaylee pulled a face: " He's been far away before." She closed her eyes and muttered, "I'll never escape him."

"Ey. Ey.", Finan embraced her cheeks and forced her to look him in the eye: "You escaped him. He can't hurt you here anymore. We'll protect you."

Shaylee smiled somewhat forced: "I would feel more comfortable if I could protect myself."

Wistfully, she thought of her bow. It had been left behind in the Danish camp. When Shaylee had asked her uncle about the bow, he had only looked at her pitifully and shook his head. Shaylee knew that Uhtred could understand her bond with the bow. He had a similar connection with his sword " Serpentbreath. She also knew it was irrational to mourn a weapon. After all, it was only a tool. But this bow had accompanied her for years, and now that she didn't have it anymore, it felt like she was missing a part of her body.

Finan smiled pitifully at her: "We'll find you a bow that suits you again.“

Shaylee smiled back, though she was sure no bow and arrow suited her as well as her old one.

Finan moved a little behind her and stretched his back a bit. Shaylee slid forward so he could sit down more comfortably. But Finan immediately pulled her back: "Where are you going all of a sudden?“

Shaylee laughed: "Nowhere. I just didn't want you to get lumbago from sitting so uncomfortably."

"Oh, that's all right," smiled Finan and bent down to kiss her. It was a fleeting kiss. But it was enough to make Shaylee forget any worries and relax. She stretched her lips toward him and returned the kiss a little more forcefully. Finan pulled her closer for a moment, but then he broke away from her and brought some distance between them. He sighed slightly regretfully and said, "I would love to go into this in-depth, but we should make our way to the big hall. It is time."

Annoyed and groaning, Shaylee dropped her head against Finan's chest: "Do we really need to?"

"Do you want to get the talk going," asked Finan, slightly amused. Shaylee sighed, no, she didn't want that. Not yet. She needed some more time. She wasn't ready to reveal her innermost feelings to everyone and face the prejudices of others. She knew that she owed her «husband» absolutely nothing. But there were enough people who didn't think so, and she was honest enough with herself that she was not mentally strong enough to shrug it off. This also meant that she had to hide her feelings, and that was more difficult than Shaylee had expected. Fortunately, she was soon too busy to waste much thought on the butterflies in her stomach.

Because autumn had come and with the colder temperatures, more people were getting sick again. Shaylee mixed so much thyme and honey into cough syrups that she began to doubt that she had enough supplies to get through the winter. She didn't want to run out of herbs, so she spent a lot of time in the forest. She enjoyed the time in the woods. Especially now that autumn was still in its first stages. The leaves of the trees changed their colours and created a breathtaking picture.

When Shaylee walked through the woods, she was usually accompanied by Eadith. And when Eadith came along, sometimes Æthelstan was with her. Eadith was of the opinion that it wouldn't hurt him to know a thing or two about herbs. In reality, the interest from his side was rather limited. He rather enjoyed himself in the big piles of leaves. Shaylee could understand him, she wouldn't have done it any other way in his place. Eadith was all the more eager for knowledge. She really pestered Shaylee with questions. And Eadith not only accompanied her into the forest but also helped her afterwards to preserve the herbs. They spent hours sitting by the fire in the small consulting room and making little bundles that they hung up in the attic to dry.

Shaylee had already become friends with Eadith during her first stay in Coccham. But now this bond became even stronger. Shaylee was impressed by the lady. She had undoubtedly been brought up to do greater things than to sit with her in the small herb house and bundle up thyme. But Eadith never even hinted at it and Shaylee began to look forward to afternoons with her in front of the crackling fireplace and herbs in her lap.

On a gloomy autumn day, they were once again sitting in front of the fireplace with a large basket of probably the last lavender of the season at their feet. Outside it was raining cats and dogs, and Shaylee was listening to the soothing sound of the raindrops when Eadith grinned mischievously at her.

"What is it?" Shaylee asked confusedly and looked around. Had she missed anything or why was Eadith grinning at her?

Eadith grinned and shrugged her shoulders: "Oh, nothing. I was just wondering how long you're going to keep it from me that you're sneaking off every day to meet with Finan?"

Shaylee stared at them with her mouth open: "How ... ?“

Eadith burst out laughing, "Let's call it female intuition." As Shaylee kept looking at her with her mouth open, she kept saying, "My God, I'm not blind. The looks you give each other when you think no one sees, says it all.

Shaylee felt the blood rise to her cheeks and lowered her gaze. She had actually thought they had hidden their feelings well. Apparently, she was wrong.

"There's no need for you to blush. It's nice that you found each other," Eadith smiled.

Shaylee just got redder and nodded tentatively: "I know, but we don't want everyone to know yet."

"I know, I've already figured that out, and you don't have to worry, I won't tell anyone about it. But if I may give you some advice. Here in Coccham, things rarely stay secret for long."

Shaylee had already suspected that and she didn't want it all to come out because somebody blabbed.

"We're not gonna keep it a secret forever. But at the moment, everything is still very fresh," Shaylee explained as she placed another bunch of lavender in the basket next to her."

"Do you love him?" Eadith asked, surprising Shaylee. She had never had a friend to talk to about such topics, and she didn't know exactly how to put her feelings into words.

Shaylee grinned sheepishly and shrugged her shoulders: "I ...". She broke off and searched for words. She wasn't good at talking about her feelings and didn't know precisely how to put what she felt into words. How could you describe the creeping she felt every time she looked at Finan. That electrifying feeling when he touched her and that feeling as if she would lift off the ground when he kissed her. She grinned and nodded, "Yes, I think so. I think I love him."

Eadith looked at her with her head slanting and smiled, "Oh, you are the lucky ones."

Shaylee wasn't sure, but she thought she saw a wistful shadow flitting across Eadith's face. Carefully she asked, "There's no one special in your life?"

Eadith looked down at her lavender bundle, and Shaylee could see her red cheeks. Smiling triumphantly, she said, "There is someone!"

"No, not really. I scare most men off. At least those who have serious intentions. Who's wondering about my past. So I am alone since ...", she broke off involuntarily and got an even redder face. She now looked as if she had been sitting in the sun too long.

Shaylee was actually someone who claimed not to interfere in other people's affairs. But since Eadith had also questioned her before, she took the liberty of asking: "Since whom? Must I pull everything out of your nose?"

Eadith bit her lips and shook her head: "No, it's only." She hesitated again and only continued when Shaylee looked at her with her eyebrow raised. She put away her bouquet of lavender and looked at Shaylee almost imploringly, "It's been a long time now. Water under the bridge. But when I met your uncle and arrived here well, I spent a lot of time with Finan."

Shaylee looked at her with her mouth open and didn't know what to say. Eadith seemed to be absolutely uncomfortable in her skin and repeatedly opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it again. It took several minutes for Shaylee to whisper softly, "I'm so sorry."

Eadith looked at her in surprise, "What are you sorry for?"

"If I had known that, I would never have raved like that before," Shaylee replied with a bad conscience.

Eadith reached for her hand: "You have nothing to be sorry about. It was a long time ago and anyway. He never looked at me the way he looks at you. We were...", she hesitated and then said: "Sometimes you just have to admit to yourself that it is not love that connects you but something else that is not so long-lasting." She squeezed Shaylee's hand and then picked up her bouquet again: "And now let's not talk about it anymore. It's really not worth talking about." She lifted the small beach and asked, " Well, what are they for, besides that, they smell nice?"

Shaylee was grateful for the change of subject and began telling Eadith about the benefits of lavender. She told her about the calming effect and that it also helped against gangrene. Shaylee got lost in her explanations and the confessions of the last minutes moved into the background again.

Only in the evening in her bed did she begin to think about it again. Of course, she had known that Finan had a past, she did too. But somehow she had never expected to meet a woman from his past. Even less had she expected to be friends with one. She had no doubt that Eadith had told her the truth. She also believed that she had no more feelings for Finan that went beyond friendship. But what she didn't understand was why Finan had never mentioned her. He knew that they spent a lot of time together. It had been clear that it would come out eventually. Shaylee rolled around in her bed and tried to make sense of it. Eventually, she realized that it wouldn't do any good to worry about it for much longer, she would just have to ask Finan.

Even if she had to wait a little longer. While she was busy searching for herbs and preparing for the winter, Finan had left Coccham. Together with Osferth and Sihtric, he had left for Winchester a few days ago. Shaylee did not know what exactly they were supposed to do there. But she could hardly imagine that it was really only about getting more supplies. But she had been too busy with her own business to continue questioning her uncle and Finan. But she would certainly find out what they had been doing in Winchester.

Shaylee missed Finan more than she would have thought possible. She had known that he would be on the road a lot. But somehow she had expected that she would be with him most of the time. That she was now doomed to wait in Coccham for his return was hard for her to accept. Once she had five minutes to herself, her thoughts drifted to Finan practically every time. She missed feeling his muscular arms around her when she woke up, she even missed the smell of him. That bitter smell that reminded her of leather and metal and there was something else too. Shaylee didn't know how it was possible, but Finan always seemed to smell like freshly cut grass. Whenever she had that smell in her nose, she felt a little closer to home. To avoid wasting too many thoughts on Finan, Shaylee threw herself into her work. When she was dealing with patients and herbs, she could get lost in it. Only her patient and the possible remedies for them existed then - a welcome distraction.

Finan arrived back in Coccham two weeks after her conversation with Eadith. Shaylee was in the process of dressing Bjarki, the son of Sihtric and Ealhswith. The boy had climbed a tree and then fallen down. How high he had climbed was just part of a heated debate when a young girl burst into the room and excitedly announced, "The men are back."

The previous debate was immediately forgotten, and Ealhswith shot out of the room. The boy wanted to follow her, but Shaylee grabbed him by the shoulder and pushed him back onto the chair: "You sit still until I finish putting on this bandage! I don't feel like putting the bandage on again in half an hour."

Her tone allowed no argument and Bjarki reluctantly remained sitting on the stool and waited impatiently until Shaylee pinned the end of the linen cloth and smiled at the boy: "Now it stays put. Go. Go on, go greet your father."

The boy shot out of the room, and Shaylee followed him as well but at a decidedly leisurely pace. Had she also run to the marketplace, people would surely have wondered why she was so pleased with the arrival of the men. So she walked through the streets without hurrying and then stopped at the edge of the square. She smiled when she saw Sihtric lifting up his boy and listened to Bjarki proudly telling him about his adventures.

Then her eyes fell on Finan, who was standing a bit aside with Osferth and Uhtred, talking to each other. Her heart skipped a beat when their eyes met, and Finan smiled at her. She also smiled and joined the men. Everything in her cried out to throw her arms around his neck and pull him close. It caused almost physical pain that she could not do that. Admonishing herself to be patient, she smiled at the men and greeted them: "I hope you brought gifts.“

Osferth smiled, went to his horse and untied a bulging bag and held it out to Shaylee: "The merchant looked at me quite stupidly when I bought the whole supply of this root from him.“

Shaylee knelt down and opened the bag. She put her hand into the bag and pulled out a brownish root. She beamed at Osferth when she saw the number of ginger roots: "This is fantastic. Hopefully, it'll get me through the winter."

"I hope so, I don't think there are any more roots like this anywhere near. What are they useful for anyway?", Osferth grinned.

"This root is a real miracle cure," said Shaylee and lifted one of the roots, "You can just eat it or brew a tea with it. They are useful for nausea, fever, and they relieve pain."

"Hopefully it'll also help with my aching wallet." Said Uhtred, who was critical of the roots.

Shaylee stood up and looked at him defiantly: "You wanted me to be a healer. So, don't complain when I act like one. It's not like I didn't warn you."

Uhtred smiled and nodded, " Well, you have a point. I am sure you are right."

"As usual," Shaylee said boldly and shouldered the sack. She would have loved to grab Finan by the collar and take him with her. But of course, that was not possible. She couldn't hold him in her arms until hours later. She had had to wait for hours until things had quieted down in her uncle's big hall, and she had been able to sneak out of the house. But when she quietly knocked on the back door of Finan's house, and the door swung open, all the waiting was forgotten. Finan himself was nowhere to be seen. But that didn't stop Shaylee from stepping over the threshold. Before the door has even closed, Finan wraps his arms around her from behind. One inhale of his musky scent, and she wanted to turn around. His right-hand dropped to her thigh, pulling up her dress that hangs so loose just above her knees. She couldn't move even if she tried like his fingers have short-circuited her mind in the best possible way. He turned her around and finally, their eyes met. Shaylee smiled and kissed him back as he knew she would. With her lips, she felt his mouth stretching wider than it should, fighting between grinning and kissing. They've done this so many times, and it kept on getting better.

One of Finans hands clasped around her lower back, the other stroked her hair. She could feel his firm torso and the heart that beats within. His hand on her back drew her in closer: "I missed you."

"I missed you, too," whispered Shaylee and raised her head and kissed Finan's warm lips. They pulled apart and took shaky, shallow breaths. Unable to contain themselves anymore, Finan holds Shaylee's head in his hands and pulls her into a fiery and passionate kiss. Her hands work their way around his body, feeling each crevasse, each line along his perfect physique.

Then Finan lifted her up, and Shaylee wrapped her hands around his neck. Finan turned around and closed the door behind them with a kick. He carried her toward the bed, let her fall with a soft bounce on the mattress. For just a moment they locked eyes. No words were spoken, but a story worthy of them was communicated. Finan leans in a softly kisses up and down Shaylee's neck. She let out little whimpers of anticipation, as Finan worked his way back to her lips. As they kissed, she rolled him over and lay on top strong, muscular body. She ran her lips up to his neck and landed a loving and intense kiss on his lips. Then all at once, they stopped, and Shaylee pulled back a bit. Finan looked at her tenderly: "I am so glad I am back.

Shaylee chuckled: "I missed you, too." She couldn't say any more, because Finan kissed her passionately again. With a smooth movement, he turned her on her back so that he was above her, supported her with one hand and let the other go down. As Shaylee tightened her leg, he stroked from the ankle up to the base of her thigh. Shaylee gasped, and he repeated the movement. He gently pinched her in the thigh and caused a wave of goosebumps. As he bent down a little to kiss her on the inside of her knee, her leg twitched back. Finan laughingly grabbed her leg and wrapped his arm around it to hold it. Then he slowly began a trail of tender kisses from her lips, to her breasts and from there further into the depths.

Shaylee was totally out of breath when Finan let himself fall into the skins next to her.

"Well, I really really missed you," Shaylee grinned and brushed the hair out of her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said this chapter was a little less action-packed. That will change again, I promise. Thank you for reading.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter I got some inspiration from the current circumstances. At this point a huge thank you to all the people who put their own lives on the line and help us through this crisis. You are the true heros!

Shaylee was startled and looked around the room in shock. She was still at home with Finan. Damn it, she must have fallen asleep. She held her breath and listened if there were already people walking through the streets of Coccham. But it seems that she had been lucky. She took a deep breath and made a mental note to make sure she would be careful in the future, not to fall asleep at Finan’s place. They usually both made sure that neither of them would fall asleep. She would stay with Finan for a few hours and then sneak back to her room. Like that, she could assume that no one was on to them. At least as long as they didn’t get careless.

She turned to Finan and tried to nudge him gently to say goodbye. But then she realized that he was the reason why she had woken up in the first place. He shifted restlessly back and forth and muttered confusing things. Shaylee could hardly understand a word. But there were a few words he kept repeating over and over again: " _Níl! Ná déan, le do thoil._ "

He must be having a nightmare. Shaylee hesitantly reached out her hand and put her hand on Finan's chest. His skin was burning hot. He was literally glowing.

"Finan. Wake up," she tried to wake him up in a soft voice. But Finan just threw his head to the side and whimpered, " _Éirigh as._ "

"You can make it stop. Just wake up, and it'll stop immediately," Shaylee spoke reassuringly to him and stroked his shoulder reassuringly. But Finan was too caught up in his dream that she could not wake him with some gentle words. So she swung a leg over him and sat astride him. She grabbed his chin and gently tapped his cheek first, and when she realized that that didn't help either she slapped him pretty hard. Not exactly the gentlest way to wake someone up, but it was effective. Finan opened his eyes, and for a moment, Shaylee feared he wouldn't recognize her. But then the terror in his eyes disappeared, and relief took its place.

"Shaylee, I ...", he took a shaky breath, "I'm sorry. I didn't want you to see me like this."

Rapidly Shaylee shook her head and put her hand to his cheek again, but this time with all the gentleness of her voice: "You don't need to apologize for anything.” She bent down to him and kissed him gently on his lips. He was still way too warm, and she felt cold sweat running down his chest. As she pulled away from him, she gently asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Finan's hair was ruffled from his night's sleep, the strands sticking together in the way they do when a wash is overdue. Anyone else would have looked like a vagabond, but he just looked stunning. Tenderly she tugged at his brown curls and tried to bring some order into the chaos. But then gave up and smiled at Finan: "A smart man once told me that talking would sometimes help.”

Finan smiled and ran his thumb over her lower lip: "As far as I know, you never followed the advice.”

Grinning, Shaylee bit her lips. He was right. She had never told him about the dreams, though they had both been strolling the streets of Coccham for the hour, even before they fell in love. She rolled down from Finan and looked up at the ceiling: "Did I ever tell you about my mother?“ Finan turned to her in surprise and shook his head. Shaylee smiled slightly and said, "My mother was a beautiful woman, you know. She had this long, fiery red hair that fell across her back in curls that were impossible to control. But while my hair just looked messy, hers always looked like paint," she laughed melancholically. But then another thought smothered her laughter, and she murmured: "It's been so long since I've seen her face. Sometimes I have trouble remembering it."

"Try not to remember her face, try to remember a situation," Finan murmured softly and squeezed Shaylee's hand.

Shaylee frowned but followed his advice and in fact, a clear image of her mother standing on the edge of the River Bann appeared before her inner eye. How her hair blew in the wind, and she turned to her, laughing. Her laughter was so free and pure, so childish despite her adult years. Shaylee remembered only too well how it had sounded, it had felt like tickleing and bouncing - and only a rocky heart could do anything but join in such generous mirth. Just the memory of it made her laugh. Finan smiled, and Shaylee turned to him.

"I love it when you laugh like that. It's like when on a rainy spring day, the clouds open up, and the sun breaks through the clouds," he whispered and kissed her gently on the forehead.

Shaylee smiled embarrassed and tapped gently on his shoulder: "Don't make fun of me.“

"I'm not. I never would," Finan replied and pulled her closer.

Shaylee leaned on his chest and watched him in the dim light that fell through the window: "Would you ever have told me about you and Eadith?“, amused, Shaylee noticed his restlessness and smiled, "What did you think I wouldn't find out?“

Finan hesitated and then said, embarrassed, “Yes, I mean. No, I didn’t. But this is nothing you have to worry about anyway.”

"I'm not worried about that. I'm just wondering why you don't tell me these things," Shaylee said with a wry grin to hide her own insecurity.

"That's good. I mean, the fact that you're not worried about it. Because you don't need to. I'm all yours. With neck and crop", Finan kissed her briefly but thoroughly and then continued somewhat more hesitantly: "I didn't mention it because it's past and I didn't want you to meet Eadith with any prejudices. We may not have worked as a lovers' couple. But she is still a brave and good woman. And I am glad that you have become friends."

Shaylee smiled touched. She knew that Finan had this loyal side. Most of the time he hid it behind a façade of cheeky sayings and very ambiguous jokes, but every now and then he would let it show and each time, his kindness touched Shaylee to the core.

"And you're sure you're not attracted to her after all?" she teased him with a grin.

Finan pulled her closer so that she was pressed to his side: "I'm sure of it.“

He bowed his head down to her and kissed her gently but passionately. Shaylee giggled and returned his kiss, then let herself sink back into her pillow. Finan had leaned on his elbows to watch her and let his eyes glide over her body. He slowly bent down to her and Shaylee felt a hot breath on her neck, then the tender brush of lips. Burning as they make contact with her neck. A hand runs through her hair, as the kisses become harder and more urgent. Another hand slides around her waist and pulls her close to his pine-scented body. His kisses were now on her shoulders and in her hair.

She was just about to pull him onto her when Finan pulled back a little. He drew in the air feverishly and then asked quietly, "Don't you think it's time to at least tell Uhtred this?“

Shaylee's breath faltered, and she moved back a little: "Do you think so?"

Finan nodded and sat up: "I wouldn’t like it if Uhtred finds out about us through gossip.“

Shaylee knew that Finan had a good point. She, like him, didn't want her uncle to hear about their relationship from anyone other than her. And yet, she was somehow reluctant.

Finan tilted his head and put a strand of hair behind Shaylee's ear. Then he asked quietly, "Are you sure about me?"

Shaylee did not hesitate for a second and reached for Finan's hand: " I am. Never doubt that. Do you think I would be here if I wasn't?"

"Good, 'cause I am, too. Jesus, I love you! _Acushla_ , I don't want to need you, but I do. I'd follow you into hell if that's what it took to keep you safe. I'm not perfect, but I will always have your back as you have mine."

With her mouth open, Shaylee stared at Finan. No one had ever told her that he loved her, especially not in those words. She bit her lower lip and leaned on her elbows so that she could reach his lips. The kiss began very gently, but then it became more passionate. As Shaylee ran out of air, she pulled away from him a little, put her hands on Finan's cheeks and whispered hoarsely, "I love you too.”, She took a deep breath and then said emphatically, "I'll talk to Uhtred as soon as the opportunity presents itself.”

She felt Finan's smile as he kissed her in turn but then said, "Let me talk to him. Perhaps it is better if he hears it from me."

Shaylee frowned, "Why do you mean that," put her hand on Finan's chest and said firmly, "Remember, we don't need his permission.”

Finan grinned crookedly: "I know, but he and I, we...", he hesitated, and Shaylee felt himself searching for words, "He is closer to me than my brother ever was. I owe it to him to tell him personally that I love his niece."

Shaylee sighed and nodded, "Fine. Then you talk to him. But don't let him tell you that he can prohibit us from doing anything."

"Oh, even if he would. That would probably be the first order from Uhtred, that I would refuse," Finan smiled and pulled her closer again.

The remaining hours until sunrise flew by and suddenly Shaylee had to hurry to get back to her chamber unseen. She lay down again before she went down into the hall. But she hardly came for breakfast, because as soon as she sat down, she was called to a birth. Sunniva, the butcher's wife, had her second child.

Shaylee had accompanied her grandmother to many births. She had had so much experience in bringing new life into this world that she was not often out of serenity. It was different for Shaylee. Many things were still new to her, and she would have given a lot if she had had even a fraction of her grandmother's knowledge. But her grandmother had taught her the most important rule to follow during a birth: Always stay calm! And Shaylee followed this rule. The rest would hopefully come naturally in time.

Sunniva's birth was difficult, and Shaylee was not sure until the end, whether mother and child would survive. More than once, Shaylee sent a thrusting prayer to heaven. But finally, in the early evening, Sunniva, exhausted but happy, held a healthy baby boy in her arms. With that, Shaylee's main task was done. She made sure that the mother and the baby boy were well taken care of and then set off for home. She actually just wanted to eat something and lie down afterwards. But when she tried to push open the door to her uncle's house, she heard angry voices. Surprised, Shaylee paused.

"I can't believe you're humping my niece," Uhtred's voice roared through the door.

"I'm not humping her, I love her," Finan replied, Shaylee hearing the restlessness in his voice.

"Oh, yeah, right. Because that is what you do. Finan, I know you," Uhtred replied with a dry undertone.

"This time it's different. You ...," Finan interrupted himself, and Shaylee could see in her mind's eye as he drove through his beard, "Damn it, I love her.“

There was silence for a while, and Shaylee thought the discussion was over when Uhtred said, "If you love her, why are you keeping it a secret from everyone?“

"Oh, you know damn well why."

"Yes, I know exactly why. Because you know it's wrong," Uhtred replied, and Shaylee was surprised by the bitterness in his voice.

"Jesus, Uhtred. And that's from your mouth. Who was fucking the Lady of Mercia in secret for years?" Finan replied with a joyless laugh.

"Don't drag her into this," hissed Uhtred, "This is something completely different."

"Oh, why? Because then it would become clear what a double standard you have here," laughed Finan, and with that laugh, he almost scared Shaylee a little. She was afraid that the two of them would soon say words she would regret later and decided to put an end to it all now. She opened the door and saw the two men with redheads standing in front of her.

Shaylee drew sharply in the air and pushed the door open: "What the fuck is going on in here?" She looked at Finan and angrily said, "I agreed to let you talk to him first because I thought you would be able to talk to each other like grown men and not like boys arguing over a toy. If I had known that, I would have done it myself.”

The men stared at her, and Shaylee took advantage of the silence. Turning to her uncle, she said, "And you! Are you listening to yourself? I know you mean well. But I am a grown woman. I know what I'm doing, and I can make decisions for myself." She hesitated for a moment and then said quietly: "I thought you would be happy for me that I found someone who makes me happy." With some satisfaction, she saw Uhtred lower his head. She shook her head and then said, "Oh, I can't look at you two right now. We'll talk when you're both in your right mind again."

She turned around and let the door behind her slam loudly into the lock. Outside the door, she stopped briefly without knowing exactly where she was supposed to go. Usually, she would go to one of her hiding places to be alone. But somehow she did not want to be alone now. She hesitated for a moment and then she resolutely made her way through the streets of Coccham. She stopped in front of a small but neat house and knocked gently on the door. It took a little while, but then the door was pushed open, and Eadith stood before her.

"Shaylee? What are you doing here," she asked Shaylee in surprise and then waved away. " Actually, never mind. Come on in."

"Sorry to disturb you," Shaylee apologized as she sat down at the kitchen table. Eadith waved aside and pushed a cup of tea toward Shaylee. Gratefully, Shaylee accepted the warm mug and put her hands around it, "Uhtred now knows about Finan and me.“

"Oh? How did he take it?" Eadith asked with a smile.

Shaylee pulled a face: "Like a little boy. These two men are getting on my last nerve."

Laughing, Eadith tapped her hand gently: "They are men. Give them some time to fight it out with each other, and then they will come to their senses.”

Moaning, Shaylee ran across her face and asked Eadith, "What is it that goes differently in men's heads? I'd like to know that."

Eadith laughed and said, "When you figure it out, let me know."

Shaylee could not help but grin as well. But then she frowned and sniffed. There was the smell of chamomile tea in the room, but there was another smell. Onions!

"Are you sick," Shaylee asked worriedly and mustered Eadith worried.

But she shook her head: "No, I'm healthy. But Æthelstan has been ailing for days now."

Shaylee frowned: "You put onion wraps on him?"

Eadith nodded: "And forced him to drink some chamomile tea.”

"I'm sure that won't hurt. How long has he been sick?" Shaylee asked, looking around for the boy.

"About a week. At first, it was just an annoying cough, but since yesterday he's been unusually flabby. He's in his bed now, sleeping."

This news worried Shaylee somewhat. Æthelstan was a bright boy who rarely lay around doing nothing. But Eadith had instinctively done everything right. Onion wraps and chamomile tea would help with the flu, and hopefully, he would be well soon. But she still brought Eadith some ginger, because she was supposed to cut it into slices and cook it in hot water. Afterwards, she made her way back to her uncle's house.

She was still angry with him and actually with Finan as well. Originally she wanted to punish them with disregard. But she was tired and wanted to change her dress, which was still stained with blood from the birth. But when she pushed the door into the hall and saw her uncle sitting by the fire, she changed her mind. Sighing, she sat with him and examined him. After a few minutes of silence, Uhtred said, "I thought you were just friends?“

Shaylee frowned and then she remembered their conversation that they had had on the way to Lundun. She smiled a little and then said, "Well, a lot has happened since then.“

"So you weren't in love then?"

Shaylee shook her head: "No, otherwise I would have told you. I didn't lie to you." She grabbed Uhtred's hand and squeezed it gently, "I promise!”

"You know what you're getting yourself into," Uhtred asked her and looked up at her hand and examined her closely. "He is a warrior. There will never be a guarantee that he will return from battle."

Shaylee smiled, "I get that. But first of all, I don't plan on sitting here in Coccham while you go off to battle, and secondly," she grinned broadly, "it wouldn't make any difference. I can't do without him. I have tried and failed."

"you will never be able to marry, either. There will be people who will judge you."

"I know. But what would be the alternative? Stay alone forever? I won't let anyone tell me what to do with my life anymore. Let them say what they want about me. I can live with that as long as I'm happy," Shaylee calmly replied, "I thought you of all people would understand that.

Uhtred leaned forward a little and poked around in the fire with a stick: "That's something else!“

Shaylee laughed dryly and shook her head, "No, it's not. It's love."

There was silence again for a while, then Uhtred turned to her and asked her, "And how do you see the future?“

"Time will tell. Why is it so wrong to just let life happen for once? No matter what happens, we will find a solution,“ Shaylee replied with a slight grin.

There was silence again for a while, then Uhtred said, "He should have asked me.“

He wanted to say more, but Shaylee broke out in laughter. When Shaylee had calmed down a little, she looked up at her uncle and asked, panting, "And why would he do that? Uncle, I am a grown woman. I'm perfectly capable of making decisions for myself."

"But it's the proper thing to do," Uhtred insisted.

“Well, first of all. If you want to invoke this rule, Finan should have asked my husband, shouldn't he? And secondly, have you always stuck to that rule?” Shaylee asked sarcastically, „I am sure you asked Æthelflæd's husband before you took her to your bed?“

Uhtred seemed to want to reply something but closed her mouth again, and Shaylee knew she had won. She stood up and joined her uncle: "Just be happy for me. Because I am happy." She stood on her toes and kissed Uhtred on the cheek and then said, "Well, I'm going to wash and change.“

So she did. As soon as she got rid of her blood-stained dress, she felt more like a human being again. She briefly considered going to look for Finan, but then decided against it. She was just too tired to have another conversation. Instead, she went to bed and fell asleep before her head touched the pillow.

She had actually only wanted to lie down for a few hours and then head off to Finan, but when she woke up it was already the next morning. She didn't wake up by herself, but rather because someone was knocking loudly on her door. Sleepy Shaylee opened the door and in front of her stood the completely devastated Eadith. Immediately Shaylee was wide awake and asked: "Æthelstan?“

Tears stood in Eadith's eyes as she nodded: "Yes, I don't know what to do anymore. He is literally burning and complaining that he can't breathe."

Shaylee nodded and followed Eadith at the double to her house where Æthelstan was lying in a bed. Shaylee got down on her knees and put her hand on his forehead and sucked in the air. The boy was scalding. She flipped back the blanket and saw that Eadith had put compresses on him. These were supposed to lower his fever, but so far they did not seem to work. Æthelstan threw his head restlessly to and fro, and his breath was heavy and with every breath, a hissing sounded. Shaylee put a hand on the boy's chest and felt his heartbeat incredibly fast. She pushed back the blanket and instructed Eadith to carry the boy into the kitchen: "Make sure the water boils and evaporates. Æthelstan should not lie. Lean him against the wall that will help him to breathe.”

Then Shaylee left the house of Eadith and hurried to her herb room. There she quickly gathered some herbs and then quickly mixed a tonic to relieve her cough. This would hopefully help Æthelstan. Then she immediately set off again to Eadith. When she arrived there, she saw Eadith cowering on the floor next to Æthelstan and brushing the sweat-soaked strands of hair from his face. Shaylee knelt down next to them and infused Æthelstan with the tincture of ginger and honey. Then she turned to the cauldron over the fire. The water was already boiling, and Shaylee took the massive cauldron from the fire, tipped the water into a bowl and threw some dried chamomile flowers into it. Then she put the bowl on the floor in front of Æthelstan and took the blanket from the room next door.

"I will now lay this blanket over the two of you. Æthelstan shall breathe the steam. The warm air will, hopefully, make it easier for him to breathe. He will want to lie down. He must not do that. Take him firmly in your arms and just hold him," she explained to Eadith and held the blanket up. But before she put it over her, she squeezed Eadith's hand and said reassuringly, "Don't worry. Everything will be fine. I will be gone for a moment to fetch fresh water. Just hold him, and everything will be fine."

Then she let the blanket slide over her and stood up again. She grabbed the massive cauldron and made her way to the village well, as she had said. When she entered the room again sometime later, her eyes fell, the blanket beside the fire. It lay there left behind, and she froze in her movement.

"Eadith? " she called into the house and heard a sob from the room next door. Clattering, she dropped the kettle on the floor, not paying attention to the water spilling over her feet. With quick steps, she was in the room next door, staring at Eadith's tear-stained face, crouching next to Æthelstan's bed.

"What happened," Shaylee asked and hurried to the boy's bed. He was still plagued by that panting cough.

"I couldn't have him under that blanket anymore. He got so hot, and he could barely breathe. I thought he was going to suffocate," Eadith sobbed and ran over Æthelstan's hair with agitated movements.

Shaylee felt anger rising within her. She took a deep breath and grabbed Eadith by her narrow shoulders and forced her to watch: "Eadith, you must listen to me. I know it is hard to see him like this. But you must do what I tell you if you want him to get better quickly." She let go of Eadith and lifted Æthelstan from the bed and carried him back over to the kitchen. There she placed him next to the fire and with a quick movement, threw the blanket over him again. The water was almost cooled down by now, but it was still steaming a bit, so it would help at least a little bit. Eadith followed her sobbing into the kitchen and let herself sink to the floor next to Æthelstan.

"I'm sorry. But I just couldn't watch it anymore," Eadith whispered and looked up guiltily at Shaylee, who hung the kettle over the fire. When the kettle was hanging securely, she turned to her friend and got down on her knees before her: "I know. But you have to stay calm now. If not for you for Æthelstan. This is not a sprint, this is a marathon."

And it really was. Æthelstan's cough only got better after Shaylee had practically turned the kitchen into a sweat lodge. But once she finally got the cough under control, she turned to the next symptom, the fever. Somehow she had to manage to bring the boy's body temperature down. But she hesitated to take him out of the steam-soaked room into the next room, fearing that the cough would come back. Instead, she insisted on infusing Æthelstan with as much ginger tea as possible and making sure that the wraps around his calves were renewed continuously.

What did not make the whole situation any better was the fact that Æthelstan was not the only sick person in the village. Two days after Eadith called her to Æthelstan, she was called to other houses. From then on, Shaylee was always on her feet. In the beginning, there were 2 households affected, then others were added until she finally rushed between 7 houses.

In the case of Æthelstan, it took almost 4 days for his fever to go down to the point where he was conscious enough to make meaningful sentences. And Shaylee almost cheered with relief when he asked for some bread for the first time after 3 more days. By then, they had only just gotten him to drink some chicken broth every day. The fact that he was now asking for solid food again could only mean good things.

All this time, Eadith had not left Æthelstan's side, she had only slept when Shaylee had forced her to, and even then only for a few hours. Besides Eadith, Finan had also come over several times. He had surprised Shaylee by sitting at the bed with Æthelstan and entertaining him with stories. So Æthelstan became stronger and stronger, and Shaylee was finally sure that he would survive the illness.

Unfortunately, this was not the case with all her patients. The first to lose the fight against the fever was Hazel. The daughter of Sunniva. Sunniva, who had just given birth to her son a few days ago, now had to bury her only year old daughter.

It had almost broken Shaylee's heart to see the little girl getting weaker and weaker, and finally, her weak heart stopped beating at all. To Shaylee's sorrow, Hazel was not the last to be carried away by the fever. Shaylee could do nothing but try to relieve whooping cough and lower the fever. This powerlessness caused Shaylee to almost lose her temper, but she knew she had to keep going. She was not allowed to show the villagers that she was afraid. That she did not know exactly how she could best help them. She had to be strong for them. And indeed, the wave of new infections finally began to subside after a few weeks.

And one afternoon Shaylee stepped out of a house and for the first time in a long time, she did not have to rush to her next patient, right away. She would have to see her next patience eventually, but it was not that urgent anymore. Shaylee took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She enjoyed the cold air on her skin and concentrated on her breathing. Hopefully, the cold evening air would drive the tiredness from her bones.

Since she had constantly been rushing back and forth between her patients in the last few days, she had not slept much. She had only laid down when she realized that she would collapse otherwise. And for a long time, her body had actually coped quite well with this lack of sleep, but now she realized that her head was not as fast as it had been a few weeks ago. In fact, a lot of things around her seemed to happen in slow motion. So she didn't notice that Finan had come towards her through the street and had stopped beside her.

" _Acushla_? Are you alright?" he asked her quietly and examined her critically.

Startled, she looked up at him and then nodded half-heartedly: "Yes, I'm fine.“

"But you don't look fine. When was the last time you a good night of sleep?” Finan replied.

Shaylee opened her mouth to answer, but then closed it again because she had to admit she didn't know for sure. She had hardly slept since Eadith had woken her. Shaylee had allowed herself half an hour's rest now and then. But then she got up again and took care of her patients. She sighed and said, "I don't need that much sleep. I have more important things to do right now. I will sleep when everyone is healthy again."

Finan might have believed those words if she hadn't wavered. He grabbed her by the arm and lifted her off her feet: "You're no good to anyone like this. You're going to lie down and rest for a while."

Shaylee wanted to protest, but Finan had lifted her up, and when her head sank against his chest, she felt the tiredness creeping up inside her. Finan's arms that held her and his steady heartbeat put her to sleep so quickly that she didn't even notice how he let her sink onto his bed and gently covered her: _"Faigh sosa éigin Acushla.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Níl! Ná déan, le do thoil.” Irish for No! Please don’t  
> “Éirigh as.” Irish for “Stop it”  
> “Acushla?” Irish for “Darling”  
> “Faigh sosa éigin Acushla.” Irish for “Get some rest darling.”
> 
> Thank you very much for reading!


	22. Chapter 22

Shaylee slept for the most part of the next two days. This alone showed her that she really needed the rest. On the evening of the second day, she was awakened by a conversation in the next room.

"Is she still asleep? " Shaylee heard her uncle ask.

"Yes. Still deep and sound. But I wouldn't worry. She was just exhausted," replied Finan, and Shaylee heard him walking around the room.

"We probably should have noticed earlier that she should have rested so badly," Uhtred said rather guiltily.

Finan chuckled: "We might have noticed it earlier if we had seen her more. While the disease was roaming the city, she was always off somewhere.“

Uhtreds laugh sounded through the walls to Shaylee: “You might be right.” There was a short pause before Uhtred added: “Maybe she is even that lucky, that she sleeps through the visit of the king’s mother.”

“Then she would really be very fortunate! I would definitely change places with her immediately if I did not have to listen to the preaching of the Lady Ælswith.”, Finan said dryly.

“I guess you would have to get in line.”, Uhtred replied amused. And then added: “Did you see Æthelstan lately? Has he recovered completely?”

"He is much better. Eadith has a hard time keeping him in the house," smiled Finan.

Uhtred seemed to be tranquillized: “That’s good to hear.” He chuckled, “Then I will go over there and inform Eadith about the distinguished visitor. She will be pleased.”

Shaylee heard him opening the door and say his goodbyes to Finan. After her uncle left, it became quiet again. And for the first time since she had woken up, Shaylee looked around the room curiously. But the room only said a limited amount about its occupant. There wasn't much in the room, apart from a bed and a chest, which almost certainly contained Finan's clothes.

Funny enough it took Shaylee a moment till she realised that she had never been in the room in daylight before. Before they were hiding and she only sneaked in by nighttime. Now they didn’t have to hide anymore. Her uncle knew about them, and strangely enough, the thought that someone else might find out didn’t bother Shaylee as much as she thought it would.

She stayed in bed for a few more minutes, then she fought her way up and then groped over to the next room. Wrapped in the blanket, she stopped in the doorway and looked at Finan. He was sitting at the table and was cleaning his Scian. Shaylee smiled as she saw his concentrated expression. Giggling, she leant against the frame of the door. Finan looked surprised up, and as their eyes met, a smile spread across his face.

"Good day, sleepyhead," he said and let his eyes wander over her.

Shaylee twisted her eyes: “Don’t give me that look. You didn’t wake me up. So if it anyone’s fault that I overslept, it is yours.”

She laughed and then walked over to Finan, bend down to him and kissed him gently on the lips, “Good day.”

Surprised, she saw a relieved expression flying over Finan's face and raised her eyebrow in surprise. Finan grinned mischievously and said softly, "I wasn't sure if you might still be angry.”

Shaylee laughed in surprise and shook her head: "No, that’s forgotten.”

Finan's eyes lit up and stood up and lifted her off her feet with a gliding movement: "I know you just got out of bed. But do you mind spending some more time in it?"

Shaylee just shook her head laughing and let Finan carry her back to the bedroom.

Sometime later, Shaylee lay in Finan’s arms – satisfied but a little tired. She enjoyed the way Finan played with her hair. Shaylee felt good all around! And when Finan sat up and was about to leave the room, Shaylee looked at him somewhat accusingly. He laughed and raised his hands, defensively: “I’ll be back. I only get us some water.”

Water, that was actually a good idea. Shaylee was rather thirsty. But all thoughts were forgotten as soon as her eyes fell on Finan’s back. There were scars all over his exposed back. The scars covered his back like a hundred silvery pink snakes. Shaylee had already felt the wounds, but in none of her worst dreams could she have imagined that they would look so horrible.

When Finan came back to the bed, Shaylee had to lower her head, so he would not see her shocked mien. But of course, he noticed her sudden change and asked: " _Acushla_ , what's wrong?"

Shyly, Shaylee lifted her gaze again. She couldn't say anything, but sat up and gently touched Finan's shoulder. Tenderly, she turned him around so that she could let her fingers slide over his back. She registered how Finan's shoulders stiffened as they gently ran her fingertips along the pink lines. She could still not believe what she saw and felt. She knew that these scars were witnesses of his time on the slave ship. She had to fight tears because she involuntarily had to think about how these scars must have been caused. She tried to push the thought aside, but she did not succeed completely. She felt an inner urge and pressed her lips onto a particularly bad scar. It was a helpless gesture, but perhaps it would alleviate the terrible memories a little.

She remained seated with her forehead leaning against Finan's back and then whispered barely audibly: "Please tell me that you killed him. Or no, say that you did not. So that I may have the pleasure."

Finan moved, and Shaylee raised her head. Her gaze met Finan's eyes. Those eyes she loved so much. His eyes were the colour of earth kissed by spring rains. Typically there was always a mischievous glint. Normally, they glow with humour and playfulness that gives you shivers and wraps you in a warm embrace at the same time. But not today, today they were frighteningly expressionless, but Shaylee knew very well, that behind this expressionlessness many emotions were hidden.

"You don't have to talk about it," she said and pressed a quick kiss on his lips. She smiled at him and whispered, "I love you.“

Finan smiled and replied, "And I love you."

He lowered himself back onto the bed and spread his arms so Shaylee could lie down and cuddle up to his chest. They lay there silently for a while. Shaylee struggled to steer her thoughts away from the scarred back of Finan, and finally, she decided that distraction was best.

She lifted herself up and determinedly said, "I really shouldn't lie around here lazily any longer. I need to check on my patients."

"That can wait until tomorrow," Finan replied and wanted to drag her back to bed.

Shaylee shook off his hand with a smile and shook his head: "No, it can't. I have slept far too long! How long have I slept for anyway?"

"Two days and now come back to bed. By now, most of your patients should be asleep anyway. You can go and visit them tomorrow," Finan replied, grabbing her hand and holding it back, "Now come back to bed.“

Shaylee would have loved to crawl back into bed. But she knew it would only make her head spin. Besides, she really wanted to check on at least one of her patients now.

"No. Now let me go," she laughed and pulled her hand. "I want to check on Æthelstan."

Finan groaned in agony: "He must be asleep by now." When he saw her unyielding look, he sighed: "All right. But then I'll come with you."

"You don't have to. I can manage on my own," Shaylee said. But Finan had already jumped out of bed and was dressed in no time.

"I know, but I want to," replied Finan and held the door open for her.

Eadith's house, where Æthelstan was staying, was not far from Finan's home. So it took them only a few minutes before Finan knocked on the door. The door was not opened immediately, but after a few moments, the door was pushed open, and Æthelstan stood before them. Surprised, he stared at her, then turned around and called into the house: "Aunt Eadith, Finan and Shaylee are here.“

"Shouldn't you be in bed?" Shaylee asked the boy with her eyebrows raised.

"Yes, he should. But if I don't tie him down, it's difficult to keep him there," said Eadith, pushing Æthelstan aside. Then she pulled Shaylee into a hug, "Thank you very much."

Shaylee returned the hug before she pulled back a bit and smiled at Eadith away a little and smiled at her, "You don't need to thank me!“

Eadith smiled and then mustered her in detail, "You're okay?“

Laughing, Shaylee nodded, "Sure. I just needed to get some sleep."

Meanwhile, Finan walked past her and lifted Æthelstan up: "Let's get you to bed.“

Shaylee looked at Finan in surprise. It wasn't that Finan was not good with kids. When Æthelstan was sick in bed, Finan had stopped by now and then. But now Shaylee was beginning to think that Finan really liked the boy and that seemed to be mutual. The boy protested only half-heartedly and let Finan carry him out of the room. Shaylee looked at the two of them and then turned to Eadith: "Are the other sick people getting better too?

"Yes, the last one left her bed yesterday," Eadith replied and shoved Shaylee softly toward the bench. But Shaylee went to the door to the next room and watched with growing disbelief as Finan sat by Æthelstan's bed and told him a story. Shaking her head, she turned around and sat down at the table with Eadith. She let Eadith tell her what she had slept through. She was relieved that all the sick were on the road to recovery. Eadith had fortunately stepped in for her when Shaylee could no longer take care of the sick.

"Thank you so much for taking such good care of everything," Shaylee thanked Eadith and smiled at her across her mug.

Eadith burst out laughing and waved: "Oh, it was nothing. You did the important part of the work." Eadith lowered her eyes and said more calmly, "I don't even want to think about what would have happened if you hadn't been here.“

“I am sure you would have made it work! You should believe in your knowledge.” Shaylee said.

Eadith quickly shook her head: "No, I don't think so. I was on the verge of losing it." She hesitated for a moment and then grinned and said, "Or to be honest. I was losing my mind."

Shaylee was about to say something back when she yawned. Her eyes blurred briefly, and she had to blink a few times until she could see clearly again.

"The little man is finally asleep. And I'd better get you back to bed, too," said Finan, who had just come through the door.

"Will you tell me a story too?" Shaylee asked with a grin.

Finan grinned and came to the table: "Maybe.“

With a grin, Shaylee let him pull her onto her feet and then turned to Eadith: "Thanks for the tea. I'll come back tomorrow and to check on Æthelstan if that's okay?"

"Of course. I'll try to keep Æthelstan in the house," smiled Eadith and said goodbye to the two at the door.

Outside it had started snowing. Smiling, Shaylee reached out her hand and caught some snowflakes and kicked some snow away. Laughing, she turned to Finan and laughed out loud. She wasn't a big fan of the winter, but she loved the atmosphere when it snowed. It was as if the world became quieter and more peaceful. Finan watched her smiling, and for Shaylee's taste, they were at his home far too quickly.

"You'd almost think you didn't want to spend time with me," Finan grinned as Shaylee reluctantly entered the house through the door.

Shaylee turned to Finan and put her arms around his neck: "Don't be ridiculous.“ She stood on her toes and gave Finan a kiss on the lips. Then she separated from him and took off her cloak.

"You and Æthelstan really do get along well together," she noted in the meantime and turned to Finan, smiling.

Finan scratched the back of her head and shrugged her shoulders: "He is a good boy.“

He seemed to want to go on, but then he remained silent. Shaylee frowned, feeling that this was undoubtedly a longer story, but she would never have asked Finan about it. So she didn't say anything and instead began to get ready for bed. She had just overslept two days, but she still felt the tiredness in her bones and was glad that a little later she could snuggle into the cosy warmth of the skins and into Finan's arms.

"You know, I think we should stop this," Finan suddenly muttered and moved back and forth a little.

Surprised, Shaylee raised her head and asked, "Stop what?"

"Holding things back. That we don't talk to each other about certain things. We do love each other. We shouldn't hold things back from each other. We don't have anything to hide from each other, do we?" said Finan and stroked her hair gently.

Shaylee swallowed and then shook her head, "No, we don't."

Finan laughed and shook his head: "If you'd told me a year ago that I was going to say that, I would have laughed at you," smiled Finan and then suddenly got serious again, "I trust you. I'd be yours in every storm."

Shaylee turned to Finan and put her hand flat on his chest: "I trust you more than anyone else. It's just... I don't know how to put it into words."

Finan returned her gaze and nodded sympathetically: "I know. I feel the same way."

After that, they lay silently together for a while until Finan suddenly said, "I never thought I would ever love anyone more than I love ..."

He broke off involuntarily, and Shaylee lifted her head in surprise at the sudden silence. Grinning, she asked, "Oh, who?"

But when she saw Finan suddenly swallowing hard. She quickly said, "Sorry. Stupid question. You don't have to tell me."

To her surprise, Finan shook her head, "No, it's okay." A pause followed until Finan started talking again: "You asked why I get along so well with Æthelstan. Well, he reminds me of my son. When I first met him, he was about age, when I last saw him.”

Shaylee held her breath, and she leaned up in surprise: "Son?"

Finan nodded and ran through his beard: "Yes, my older Craig.” He hesitated then continued, “My younger Oran, could barely walk when they sold me to these sons of bitches.”

So many questions were flying through Shaylee’s head, and she had to pull herself together; not the time, not the place. So she waited for Finan to continue to speak. He remained silent for a few moments until he went on: “

I was married to a Ui Néill princess. It was an arranged marriage to strengthen the alliance between the Ui Néill and our _finte_. We never loved each other, which is not unusual in arranged marriages. But she gave birth to two sons.”, he suddenly smiled, “Craig, he was such a bundle of energy. You could hardly slow him down. You would have had to tie him to a tree to keep him still. Once he followed me when I went hunting. My brother almost shot him because he thought he was a deer. Oran was very different, he was a gentle soul and so calm. Even as a baby, he hardly ever cried out.”

Shaylee could hear the suppressed sadness in his voice, but also a certain pride. After all these years, he was still proud of his boys. Shaylee could have cried, it was so unfair.

“With their mother, I didn’t have much in common, and we hardly spent time together. Worked for both of us, I guess.

Everything would have been fine. If I had not met Mairead." Finan laughed without humour and said, "My brother's wife. We fell in love with each other. Head over heels! We couldn't stay anymore, we had to leave. So we ran away."

Shaylee frowned, somehow that story sounded familiar. But it wasn't until Finan went on and told about their escape to the South that Shaylee realized why everything sounded so familiar to her. She sat up and looked down at Finan. Astonished, she said, "You are the Muintír-Birn prince who ran away."

Finan faltered and then nodded. Shaylee brushed a strand of hair from her face and then said, "I know the story. At that time, it was pure hysteria. Everyone was looking for you." She shook her head and then said, "Unbelievable, I haven't thought about that in a long time."

"Then you know that they finally found us. When they found us, they took us back north. That was the last time I saw my sons. I don't even know if they're still alive," Finan said quietly, and Shaylee knows he would not tell more, at least not today. She was surprised how much Finan had told her.

She bent down to him and gave him a loving kiss on the lips: "Thank you."

Finan smiled faintly but returned her kiss. But did not say anything.

It must be hard to talk about these things, and Shaylee could understand him. He had just opened part of his soul to her, and she had to blink hard so that no tears would run down her cheek. But what Finan had told her already explained a lot. She had actually heard about his escape at the time. Like everyone else, she had heard that the Prince of the Muintír-Birn had run away with his brother's wife. She had also heard that he had been found again. She had never heard what had happened to him afterwards. She had actually always assumed that he had been executed. Fortunately, that had not happened. She thought about it for a long time, and it was late when she finally fell asleep. Finan had his arms wrapped around her, and his breathing was steady. But she was pretty sure that he wasn’t sleeping as well. She turned around and put her head on his chest and wrapped her arms around him. She wanted to be close to him. Finan's hug also became tighter, and Shaylee suppressed a small grin. She had thought so. The steady rhythm of his heart put Shaylee to sleep so that she fell asleep after all.

On the next morning, Shaylee felt unusually rested. Shaylee couldn't say why she hadn't slept much that night. But she had no time to think about it. She was quickly absorbed by her work again. She went on her usual rounds and spent the next few days caring for the convalescents.

This mainly consisted of keeping her in the house, which was not too difficult in winter.

What was very difficult, however, was getting along with the king's mother. Lady Ælswith of Wessex arrived in Coccham a few days after Shaylee had resumed her work. Shaylee had never met a more devout person. She spent almost more time in church than with her grandson, although he was supposedly the reason why she had come. But Shaylee could not deny that Lady Ælswith really liked her grandson. But her feelings towards Shaylee were less sincere. On her arrival, she had hardly paid any attention to her. When Shaylee later asked Finan what precisely the lady's problem was, he just laughed and said that she was not a fan of Danish descendants. She was also not a fan of Eadith. She didn't seem to like the fact that Eadith was taking care of the boy. Shaylee never doubted for a second that Lady Ælswith would have taken the boy to a monastery immediately if it had been her decision. But the king had decreed that Uhtred should take care of the boy's education and even the king's mother could not disobey such an order.

One evening Shaylee was sitting in the chapel of the monastery in Coccham. She didn't come here often and usually came less to pray and more to rest. She rarely came here in the summer when she could go into the forest. But in winter, the weather did not allow her to go for long walks through the woods. So Shaylee came to the church, at least she was protected from the wind here. With her hands intertwined, Shaylee sat on a bench and followed her thoughts. Then the door was pushed open behind her, and the Lady Ælswith entered the small chapel.

She froze when she saw Shaylee sitting on one of the uncomfortable wooden benches. In a surprise, she asked, "What are you doing here?“

Shaylee had to pull herself together not to give a stupid answer. It was actually pretty obvious what she was doing here. But Shaylee remembered that she had the mother of King Edward before her and smiled: "I pray.“

That wasn't really true, but she didn't need to tell the woman that she was only following her thoughts.

"In a church?", Lady Ælswith asked further.

Shaylee smiled and nodded: "Yes, in a church to God.“

This was probably the answer to Lady Ælswith's next question. She just nodded silently and sat down on a bench. For a while, they both sat there silently until the king's mother spoke again: "So you really are a Christian. And yet they trample the rules of the Lord underfoot. Are you not afraid of his punishment?"

"I do not trample his rules underfoot. Do you really think that God would want me to stay with a husband who abuses me? Why would God want that," Shaylee replied calmly, eyeing King Alfred's widow.

"God tests us," Lady Ælswith objected.

Shaylee smiled and shrugged her shoulders: "But we don't know exactly what he wants from us. I can only hope that he understands my decisions and if not, that he forgives them. Are we not taught that sins are to be forgiven."

The Lady Ælswith seemed to let her words go through her mind, but Shaylee did not intend to wait for her answer. She smiled politely as she stood up and said, "I will leave you to your prayers. I wish you a peaceful night!"

Then she left the church and walked through the already tranquil streets of Coccham. At the stables, she met her uncle, who was talking to the groom. When he saw her approaching, he smiled and waited for her: "You look like you could use a cup of ale!

Shaylee nodded laughing: "I just ran into Lady Ælswith. I need more than just a cup!"

Uhtred laughed and put his arm around her shoulder: "Come on, then. Fortunately, I know exactly where we can find a remedy for your need."

Of course, Shaylee would have found her own way to the inn, but she enjoyed walking the snowy streets of Coccham with her uncle. Uhtred smiled down at her and then said, "You look good. At last, you have some more meat on your bones again."

Shaylee smiled and said, "I feel good too."

That was no lie, Shaylee felt real good. Her wounds had healed, both visible and invisible, she felt needed too, which was also a nice feeling. She laughed as her uncles pushed open the door to the tavern, and joyful cries filled the room. Shaylee dropped herself on the bench between Finan and Sihtric and gratefully accepted the cup of warm Met. She drank it in large sips and Sihtric next to her laughed with amusement: "Someone is thirsty.“

"Leave her alone. She just had the pleasure of a conversation with Lady Ælswith," Uhtred grinned.

Sihtric pulled a wry face, and Osferth pushed another cup towards her, “In that case, drink up! I’ll get us another jug.”

Shaylee gurgled and took the cup. She loved those nights in the tavern or at Uhtred's in the big hall. The men were entertaining even without alcohol, but as soon as they had the odd mug of ale in them, they were just hilarious. And that night the ale was flowing in torrents. Shaylee didn't really feel like she was particularly drunk herself. But when she got up, she had to reach for Finan's arm to keep from staggering. Finan looked down at her and then put his arm around her waist to support her. Shaylee leaned relaxed against him as they slowly strolled to his house. By now, she slept here most of the time, although she hadn't completely cleared out her chamber at Uhtred's yet. Maybe it would be good to have a room at her uncle's house to keep up appearances. But today she was not in the mood to keep up any appearances.

She kept kissing Finan on the way home, and if it hadn't been winter and cold, she would probably have just pulled him into a dark corner so she could kiss him more extensively. But she wasn't particularly keen on freezing for any longer than necessary, so she waited until they arrived at his home.

Finan seemed similarly impatient, as they didn't even make it to bed. Instead, they later lay in front of the fire, which fortunately hadn't burned down entirely and was still radiating some warmth. Shaylee played with Finan's hair, which she loved so much, a thick, brown, bushy mess. Meanwhile, Finan followed the lines of her body with relish. His hand remained on her belly, and with a grin, he said: "You seem to be one of those lucky ones who gains rather than loses weight in winter.

Shaylee rolled her eyes: "Why does everyone say that? Uhtred has already made his comment. You get a little rounder, and everyone seems to want to say something."

"Well, it's true. Look, you even got a little belly," grinned Finan and stroked her belly with his rough hands.

Shaylee was about to deny it, but then she realised that he was right. She had put on a few pounds, which was particularly noticeable on her stomach and, interestingly, her breasts. That was a bit special, though. Suddenly she became hot, and she shot up. That could not be possible. She turned on her own axis and tore at her hair.

"What's wrong?" asked Finan and looked at her irritated.

But Shaylee was rotating so much that she didn't answer his question and just kept pacing back and forth in the room. She was calculating in her mind, and the more she thought, the more confident she was that she was not mistaken. Slowly the panic rose in her, and she clenched her fists. She felt her fingernails dig into the palms of her hands, and the pain calmed her down. But she was only brought back into the here and now when Finan grabbed her by the shoulders and turned to face her. He looked at her, but her gaze seemed to see through him. He shook her gently, and Shaylee wanted to turn away from him, but Finan held her and forced her to look at him: "Shaylee tell me what's going on! Talk to me!"

But Shaylee couldn’t. She stood there in the middle of the room, staring into the air. She felt the glassy layer of tears, and as she blinked, they dripped from her eyelids and slid down her cheeks. She bit her lip tightly in an attempt to hide any sound that wanted to escape from her mouth.

“Acushla, what is going on? Simple words. Whatever it is, we can handle it.”, Finan asked and shook her gently.

Her lower lip quivered as words slowly made their way out of her mouth. “I’m pregnant” She began, yet what followed was engulfed in the tremors.

For a moment, Finan stared at her silently, but then a grin spread across his face, and the tension that had been on his face just a moment ago was gone.

"You're pregnant," he asked breathlessly, and his hands slid from Shaylee's shoulders down to her hips where her belly gently arched.

But Shaylee shook her head and said, "You don't understand. I've already been a few months along."

Finan frowned and asked quietly, "How many months?"

Shaylee hesitated briefly then said softly, "About three months." Now the understanding slowly began to sink in with Finan. But Shaylee still said: "That means the child could ..."

Finan raised her hand and silenced her: "No, don't say it. I don't wanna hear it at all.” He hesitated and then asked quietly: “Could it be mine?”

Shaylee faltered then she slowly nodded. Finan looked at her and then shrugged his shoulders: “Then I do not even care!”

Shaylee could hardly believe it. She stared at Finan with her mouth open and said softly, "How?"

"I don't care. I honestly don't give a damn," repeated Finan and reached for Shaylee's hand. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards him: "I love you. I've always told you that I would follow you wherever you go. I meant it. When are you gonna believe me?"

"But this is different. This is huge. Nobody expects you to get involved in something like this," Shaylee replied and looked up at him.

She meant it. No one would blame him if he kicked her out of his house now and never spoke to her again. And yet he wanted to stand by her? She somehow just couldn't believe it, and Finan seemed to notice that as usual: "Don't worry. We'll get through this."

Slowly, Finan's words began to sink in with Shaylee, and she timidly asked, "You mean it?“

Finan smiled and put his hand on her cheek: "I'm absolutely serious. We are a team."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading!


	23. Chapter 23

Shaylee had an incredibly hard time coping with her pregnancy. But no matter how much she twisted and turned it around, she could not change the fact that she was.

She toyed with the idea of ingesting ergot and thus terminating the pregnancy. But she couldn't bring herself to do that. It was a sin to abort a child. She may not have been a perfect Christian, but she kept some of the commandments from the Bible. Besides, the child could still be Finan's.

To the outside world, Shaylee did not let it show that she was worried. That the child might not be of Finan, she confided to no one. Whenever someone spoke to her about her pregnancy, Shaylee smiled and thanked them for their congratulations. She showed no one her inner restlessness, not even Finan, who had simply suppressed the thought that it might not be his child.

With a broad grin, Finan had told Uhtred about her pregnancy, and he had immediately taken her in his arms. He seemed genuinely happy for her, and Eadith also congratulated her heartily. But Shaylee was quite sure that she had seen a short flicker in her eyes. But she said nothing.

Shaylee tried her best to make sure that nobody noticed her inner peace, and she was quite sure that she succeeded. She hid all her insecurity and concern behind a smile. And so she floated through the days, taking care of the sick and humbly accepting congratulations. It probably wouldn't have occurred to anyone that Shaylee wasn't happy about the pregnancy.

But this act also cost Shaylee strength. Whenever she was alone, she felt like the energy was just sucked out of her. Then she retreated to her herb house. Most of the time, she just needed to be alone for a while, and then it was okay again.

But one afternoon in early December, everything got out of hand. The tension in her had built up throughout the day. But when the blacksmith's elderly mother gave her all sorts of loving advice, Shaylee had struggled to keep up the facade of anticipation.

Shaylee felt the panic begin to flare up like a swelling fire in her stomach. She had to summon all her strength to politely say goodbye to the woman. Outside it was snowing, but Shaylee welcomed the lousy weather. The freezing cold air outside helped her to calm down a bit. She tried to breathe deeply, everything was spinning, and she was so warm that she thought the snow under her feet would melt away. The thoughts were accelerating inside her head. Shaylee tried to slow them down somehow, but she couldn't. Out of breath, she arrived at her herb house.

The door slammed shut behind her and Shaylee tried to breathe calmly, but that was out of the question. Her breaths come in gasps, and Shaylee feels like she will blackout. Her heart was hammering inside her chest like it belongs to a rabbit running for its skin. The room spun, and she squatted on the floor, trying to make everything slow to something her brain and body can cope with. She felt so sick. She wanted to call for Finan, but knew he wouldn't hear her, he was too far away. Breathe, she commanded herself. But she felt the darkness slowly creeping towards her and then finally swallowed her.

When she woke up, she was lying on the floor. Rolled up in foetal position. Someone leaned over her and Shaylee shot up. She relaxed a little when she recognised Eadith, who was looking at her with concern.

"Shaylee, are you okay? Are you all right?" she asked in an alarmed tone.

Shaylee nodded tediously, "I'm fine.“

She tried to smile, but the corners of her mouth seemed to weigh a ton, and she could do little more than twitch.

Eadith scrutinised her and finally shook her head: "You're not fine. No one who is fine lies curled up on the floor. So let’s try it again, are you all right?"

Eadith was right, of course, she was right. There was no point in lying. But Shaylee couldn’t talk the only thing she brought herself to do was a silent shake of the head. As much as she tried to hide her feelings inside her, they broke out of her in the form of a silent scream.

The tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down her face. Shaylee felt the muscles of her chin tremble like a small child, and she looked towards the window as if the light could soothe her. But instead, the noise in her head became even louder. She heard her own sounds, like a distressed child, raw from the inside. Everything broke out of her. All the emotions she had held in her over the past weeks. Eadith held her in her arms and stroked her back reassuringly.

She softly said to her, "Shhhh, it's gonna be all right."

But Shaylee shook her head: "No, it won't! Nothing can be all right."

Eadith was silent, and at some point, she hesitantly asked: "The child isn't Finan's, is it?"

Helplessly, Shaylee looked up at Eadith and shrugged her shoulders: " Possibly."

"Oh, my dear," Eadith sighed and pulled Shaylee closer.

Shaylee let it happen. Exhausted, she let her head rest on Eadith's shoulder. Finally, she whispered, "I just don't know what to do."

"Does Finan know about this?"

Shaylee nodded, "Yes, he knows."

"And is he angry about it?" Eadith asked cautiously.

"No, on the contrary. He says he doesn't care. But that can't be. How could he not care?"

Eadith remained silent for a while, then she said: "Finan is a careless, a premature man and sometimes he just doesn't know when to shut up. Sure he is a lot, but he is also a loyal man, a good man, and he truly loves you. He would not abandon you. And there's a chance the child is his, isn't there?" Eadith smiled at Shaylee, "I think he's just optimistic. And maybe you should do the same."

Shaylee laughed dryly: "Optimistic. I'm trying, but it's not that easy."

Eadith stood up and stepped to the big cauldron. She filled a cup with water and handed it to Shaylee. She waited until Shaylee had taken a few sips and then asked, "Listen Shaylee, is there anything you can do to change your present situation?” Shaylee hesitated and then shook her head. Eadith smiled, "Then why are you so worried? Sometimes you have to accept that life is full of surprises for you. Sometimes you like them, sometimes you don't like them. That’s life. There is nothing you can do. What you can do is hold on to the good in your life. Finan knows what he is getting into. He's made his decision, and he deserves that you accept his decision."

Shaylee thought about the words for a while. Strangely enough, they made sense. There was absolutely nothing she could do to change her situation. What she could do was to accept the situation and make the best of it. This thought helped her through the next few days, and she even managed to get most of the negative thoughts out of her head. She would have this child, and Finan would help her to raise it. Wasn't that the very essence of being a father? And it was this realisation that finally made Shaylee realise that one way or another, Finan would be the father of the child.

Now Shaylee felt more comfortable when she sat in the hall at the end of a cold winter's day, and the people around her filled their stomachs with warm met and stew. But she was still happy when the door behind her fell shut, and she was alone with Finan. Then she could be herself. No mask, no pressure. Just her and Finan. That was all she needed.

One evening she sat tired on a stool and warmed her toes by the fire. Finan was sitting at the kitchen table and glanced at her every now and then while he ate his dinner. Grinning, Shaylee wiggled her toes and then suddenly froze.

Finan lowered his spoon and asked, "What's wrong?"

Shaylee was not sure. She put her hand on her stomach and took in what she felt. And there it was again, this bubbling she had never felt before. Her grin widened, and she looked over at Finan who was still looking at her with some concern: "I think the baby's moving.

Finan also started to grin and quickly walked around the table to her: "Really?"

"If I say so," laughed Shaylee and put his hand on the spot where she had felt the bubbling. Finan frowned and seemed to concentrate on what was going on in her belly. But the bubbling was no longer noticeable.

Finan laughed and stroked her belly tenderly: "The little guy is probably trying to hide from me.

Laughing, Shaylee shook her head: "I hope this doesn't become a habit," she stroked Finan's hair tenderly, "With a father like that, it wouldn't be surprising.”

"Hey, this one thing you can't blame on me. What were you doing on a small canopy that one night, if not hiding?", replied Finan, tapping Shaylee on the nose before he sat down at the kitchen table again.

Shaylee had to admit his argument had its merits. Of course, she would not have admitted that to him.

"What do you think of Niall," he asked a little later as he sat down beside her by the fire.

Shaylee immediately shook her head: "No way. I knew a Niall. Not a nice fella!"

Finan smiled and said, "All right." He looked over to her stomach, "We'll find a name for you. Though your mother's a bit difficult."

"I'm not difficult. Your suggestions are just bad. Besides, all your suggestions are for boys. What if it's a girl?"

"Fiadh, because she'll be just as wild as her mother I'm sure," Finan replied, within a moment.

Again Shaylee smiled, but in this case, she didn't really have anything to complain about. But she had another suggestion: "Could you get to like Aoibhinn too? That was my mother's name."

Finan frowned and seemed to think, then began to smile: "I like it even better.”

"You see. I'm difficult, my ass," Shaylee murmured, and for the first time, she turned to her growing belly, "Don't let your father tell you anything like that.”

They argued for a long time about a name if the child would grow up to be a boy. Eventually, Shaylee began to fear that they would never find a name. But they still had time.

Finan was the most tender man you could imagine in the next time. He read Shaylee every wish from her eyes. But one morning he exceeded all expectations. Shaylee was sitting with her uncle at breakfast. Finan hadn't been to Coccham for the last few days. Uhtred had sent him to Lundun to run some errands.

Shaylee was clear that these errands were only a cover-up. Finan went to Lundun to spy. When Shaylee asked Finan who he was spying on, Finan shrugged and said that they had heard that Uhtred's cousin was in Lundun. Finan was to find out if that was true. Shaylee had a queasy feeling as they rode Finan through the gates of Coccham with Sihtric and Osferth. This nauseous feeling only shook her off again when he stepped into the big hall again one morning. Smiling, he approached her and gave her a quick kiss before sitting down at the table next to Uhtred.

"He was there, but he was gone when we arrived," informed Finan Uhtred.

Uhtred hit the table with his fist: "Damn. I should have gone to Lundun as soon as I heard the first rumours."

"And leave Coccham behind without security. No, we did the right thing," replied Finan, patting Uhtred on the shoulder. He looked at him forcefully and said, "We'll get that bastard. We just have to be patient."

Uhtred just nodded silently, then he nodded to an elongated object wrapped in cloth: "I see you've found what you were looking for.

Finan smiled and nodded. Shaylee, meanwhile, curiously stretched her neck to see what was in the cloth. Finan noticed her curiosity and slipped the bundle to her: "Unpack it, it's for you anyway.”

Hesitantly, Shaylee pulled the bundle towards her and began untying the strings that held the fabric together. As the lengths of cloth unfolded, her mouth opened.

"This can't be true," she whispered softly, looking from the gift to Finan and then back again. In front of her lay a long, dainty bow. Almost tenderly, Shaylee let her fingers glide over the dark brown wood. At both ends were white horn capsules to which the string would be attached. Shaylee rummaged through the fabric for the bowstring and then lifted the bow from the table. The bow was surprisingly light but still seemed stable. With one quick movement, Shaylee tightened the bow. As soon as she had the bow in her hand, she felt as if a part of her that had been sleeping since the loss of her former bow had woken up. With one smooth movement, she pulled the string backwards and then let it shoot forward. Satisfied, she heard the soft humming that emanated from the tendon as it stopped again.

Then she took a look at the quiver. The quiver was a real wonder. On the dark, sturdy leather, a brass plate was attached, on which patterns were carved in. Shaylee carefully placed the bow on the table and lifted the quiver. She turned it around in admiration and then pulled an arrow from the quiver. They were perfectly balanced, just like the rest of the set. Speechless, she turned to Finan and stared at him with her mouth open.

"Do you like it?" asked Finan with a grin.

Shaylee only managed a wordless nod at first. For a few minutes, she just stared at the weapon in front of her. Then she shot up. She really had to try it. She almost ran to the practice range. But when she arrived at the target, she slowed herself down. She wanted to enjoy that first shot. She hadn't had a bow in her hand for so long, and a small part of her even feared that her arrows wouldn't hit the target. So she took her time to aim before she let the first arrow shoot off the string. Relieved, she saw the arrow find its target and get stuck in the straw disc, vibrating.

Grinning broadly, she shot a few more arrows before turning around and running over to Finan, who had been watching her from the edge of the practice range. She wrapped her arm around his neck and embraced him stormy. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

Finan stroked her back, smiling, "You're very welcome." He grinned and asked, "Is now the time to propose Feidhelm as a name for a boy?“

"No, but nice try," Shaylee muttered into his neck. Finan did not seem surprised as he laughed softly at her rejection.

From that day on, Shaylee was to be found at the practice range practically every day. She enjoyed finally having a bow in her hand again. But her body also had to get used to the movements again. It took a lot of strength to draw a bow and pull the string back. Shaylee's body had not forgotten the movements, but the muscles still seemed to have degenerated. This resulted in severe muscle soreness, which almost made Shaylee slacken her training a bit. But she wanted to get back to her best, and that meant biting her way through. So every day after breakfast, she stood on the training ground and shot her arrows one after another.

And on one of these days, Shaylee noticed for the first time the unknown men who were at the edge of the training area watching her. The first time Shaylee didn't think anything of it, she assumed that they were travellers who were amazed that a woman was standing there and handling a bow. But when she rediscovered the men a few days later, she became suspicious and approached her uncle in the evening about the strangers. But the uncle seemed to know nothing either. When he made enquiries in the alehouse, they only found out that they were men with a foreign accent. But they had already left again. Shaylee was still uncomfortable with the whole thing, and her uncle seemed to find it a bit strange as well. He promised to ask her to do some research, which he did, but it wasn't beneficial. The men had come from Lundun. They had arrived on a ship from Frankia. They could not find out where they had returned to, they seemed to have disappeared from the face of the earth after leaving Coccham. In the end, Shaylee had no choice but to accept that she would probably never find out who the men had been. At least she thought she would.

The winter months in Coccham were not incredibly exciting. Shaylee enjoyed the quiet months in Coccham. If it was snowing thickly outside and she was sitting by the fire inside, she could enjoy the winter. She was a little less thrilled when she had to fight her way through the snow flurry.

One evening she stomped from her herb hut to her uncle's house once again. The weather was horrible. The wind howled, piling up snow in drifts, blinding the night with ice-white dust. Shaylee walked bend over against the cold, protecting her eyes with her arms. Buildings and posts loomed into her vision, then vanished, swallowed in white. Shaylee was relieved when she finally pushed open the door to her uncle's big hall. Here it was pleasantly warm. With stiff fingers, she unwound herself from her heavy and wet wool cape, then gratefully settled down on a chair near the fire. Gratefully she stretched out her hands towards the fire. The warmth of the room caressed Shaylee's numb cheeks, ears, and nose.

She stayed like that for a while until she had felt in her fingers again. Then she stretched her back and massaged her neck. Suddenly she felt cold hands on her neck and jerked together: "Ahhhh hands-off."

She turned around and saw how expected Finan was standing behind her. He had snow in his hair and was still wearing his cloak, behind him Shaylee saw her Uhtred just pulling the cloak off his shoulders. He had an intense conversation with Osferth, who was also tapping the snow off his shoulders.

With a wrinkled forehead she looked up at Finan again: " Are there any news?

Finan nodded and lowered herself onto the bench next to her: "A messenger from the King was here. He calls us to Winchester."

"What do they want from Uhtred?" Shaylee asked in surprise.

Finan shook her head, and a worried expression ran over his face: "Not from Uhtred. He wants to see you."

"Me?" Shaylee asked, perplexed, stroking unconsciously across her growing belly, "Why would the king want to talk to me?”

Cluelessly, Finan shrugged his shoulders, "That's what I'd like to know."

Uhtred, Sihtric and Osferth joined them at the fire and sat down on a bench opposite them. Uhtred gave Finan a questioning look: "You've already told her?”

Finan nodded, and Uhtred turned to Shaylee: "Do you have any idea why the King might want to see you?”

Shaylee pulled a face and shook her head: "No, no idea."

Sihtric audibly sucked in the air and leaned forward a little to warm her hands by the fire: "So we all don't know why we should go to Winchester.”

"I don't like the whole thing," muttered Finan and looked around.

"We could say Shaylee can't travel, because of the pregnancy I mean," Osferth said unconvincingly.

"That would buy us some time at most," mumbled Shaylee, "Or do you think your half-brother will forget his invitation?

Osferth hesitated and then shook his head. Shaylee pulled a face, she had not expected any other answer.

"We could go to Eoferwic. There you'd be out of Edward's reach," said Finan and stroked her belly with his right hand.

It was a fleeting movement, but despite it all, Shaylee's heart missed a beat. It took her a moment to respond, but then she shook her head: "Runaway? No, I'm not gonna have this baby on the run. And there is no way I will endanger the peace between Sigtryggr and Edward!"

"However, we could really say that Shaylee cannot ride yet. Sure, it would just buy some time, but in that time we could find out why he wants to talk to you," Uhtred murmured and directed his gaze, then he seemed to make a decision. He turned to Sihtric and said, "You are going to Winchester. Tell the king we could not travel yet. Tell him something about a difficult pregnancy and then find out as much as you can. We'll travel a few days after you."

Sihtric nodded and then changed a look with Finan: "I'll think of something."

Finan reached for Shaylee's hand and smiled confidently at her: "There is certainly no reason to be concerned.”

Shaylee was not quite so sure of this, but she forced herself to smile: "I know."

The next morning, Sihtric left, Shaylee said goodbye to him at the stables and told him: "Don't put yourself in danger because of me, you hear me?”

Happily gurgling, Sihtric replied: "I can take care of myself. Besides, I might even get a little excitement out of it."

Shaylee twisted her eyes and grinned: "You men are all the same. When you fight, you wish you were home, and when you are home, you wish you were fighting again. You should rethink your attitude, my friend."

Sihtric smiled as he swung onto his horse: "See you in Winchester."

With a queasy feeling, Shaylee watched him ride away through the city gate. She did not like the fact that he was putting himself in danger for her. But she was also grateful to him. Slowly, she turned around and walked back through the streets to her consulting room. Since she would be absent for a while, she wanted to have some things done, so the days until her departure flew by.

The night before her departure Shaylee lay in bed and stared up at the ceiling. Finan had snuggled into his blanket next to her and seemed almost asleep. For Shaylee, sleep was out of the question. For several days the child had been accustomed to moving as soon as she lay down. That had been sweet at first, but at some point, she just wanted to sleep. Impatiently, she rolled back and forth on her side of the bed, trying to find a position that was comfortable for her, but every time she felt she could fall asleep, the child started doing somersaults again. Moaning, she put one hand on her belly and said to him sternly: "Jesus just lie still!”

The baby didn't seem to be very impressed by her outburst, as it continued to do somersaults. But the one who responded was Finan, who turned to her blinking and asked, confused, "What?"

Shaylee grinned somewhat guiltily: "Not you. Go back to sleep, darling."

"Is he struggling?" asked Finan, and with his hand, he looked for her belly and stroked it gently. As soon as he put his hand on her belly, the baby calmed down, and Shaylee only felt a gentle nudge: "Sure, now you're calm again.”

"He just knows what it means when he wakes his father," Finan replied with a laugh in his voice. He moved around a bit and then looked at her closely. He took his hand off her belly and stroked her cheek: "Are you worried about King Edward?”

Shaylee hesitated, knowing there was no point in lying and nodded slowly, "A little."

"A little worried you should always be when you're summoned by a king. But it won't be all that bad," replied Finan, drawing her a little closer, "Don't worry. I won't let anything happen to you or the baby."

Shaylee smiled and nodded, "I know. I'd still like to know what's coming," she hesitated briefly and then said dryly, "Besides, I don't like the King very much.”

Finan laughed and said: "Oh, he's not so bad actually. He spends a bit too much time on his knees, praying if you ask me. But if he doesn't listen to his stubborn priests, he's actually quite all right."

Shaylee pulled the corner of his mouth up: "All right? Last time I talked to him, he so subtly asked me to go back to my husband."

"What did he do?" asked Finan, upset.

Shaylee leaned on her elbows and said, "I guess I never told you that. Well, can you remember our first visit to Winchester? I was praying with the King back then. He asked me about my husband and said, «A woman should not spend too long away from her husband»." She laughed cheerlessly, "It's kind of funny when you consider that his attack on the Danes at Ceaster had exactly the opposite effect."

It remained quiet for a few moments, and Shaylee saw the outlines of Finan staring up at the ceiling in the dark. Finally, he murmured, "I remember how changed you were after the prayer. I was afraid that he had been harassing you physically."

He broke off, and Shaylee decided to lighten the mood: "Oh, were you jealous?"

Finan turned to her and took her face in both hands: "Since the day you stood on that boulder and let your arrows rain down on the Danes.“

Shaylee laughed and gladly let herself be pulled down to him for a long kiss.

With Finan's arms wrapped around her, Shaylee finally found a few hours of sleep. But when she was awakened in the morning by the gentle movements of Finan, she would have given anything to stay in the warm bed. But nothing helped. They had to leave early so they would arrive in Winchester in two days.

The trip to Winchester went without any significant incidents. As she rode through the snowy winter landscape, her thoughts wandered back to her first visit to Winchester. That was when she had met the King. She said to Finan she hadn't liked him very much at the time.

But she couldn't deny that she probably owed him a certain debt of gratitude. After all, she had only escaped Aidan because he and his men had carried out an attack on the Danish camp. That was also the reason why Shaylee had decided to go to Winchester, as impartially as possible. She had plenty of time to worry later on, should the need arise.

Æthelstan and Eadith also travelled to Winchester. The king wanted to see his son again. So they rode leisurely and did not arrive until around noon on the second day. When they descended in front of the stables of the Inn, Sihtric came rushing towards them. He stopped at Uhtred's place and reported back in low words. Shaylee did not let her uncle's face out of her sight and could see disbelief appearing in his eyes.

"What's wrong? What did Sihtric find out?" Shaylee wanted to know. But Uhtred quickly shook his head and told her to follow him into the Inn. As they sat down at the table inside and all had a cup of ale in front of them, Shaylee asked impatiently, "So spit it out!”

Uhtred looked a little unhappy, but then said, "Aidan is here."

This information left Shaylee speechless. She was grateful to Finan when he asked in her place, "What?"

"Aidan mac Laigni arrived here about a month ago and asked to speak to the King," explained Sihtric, making a face, "He is now demanding that Shaylee returns to him. It would be against the Bible."

Shaylee stared at Sihtric and didn't know what to say, finally, she asked in disbelief: "King Edward can't possibly agree to that. He fought Aidan in Ceaster. Has he already forgotten that again?"

"Winchester is a pit of snakes," Uhtred muttered, and ran his hair in annoyance.

"We could still run away," said Osferth, but you could hear it from him that he didn't believe in it himself.

And no one had the chance to reply to him, because a soldier from the King's household troops entered the tavern and came to their table: "Lord Uhtred, Lady Shaylee, you are expected in the palace.“

Shaylee and Finan exchanged glances, and he reached for her hand: "Everything will be all right.”

Shaylee wanted to believe him, but just now she was quite queasy as they followed the soldier to the King's palace. Winchester was still as loud and chaotic as Shaylee remembered. All the more extreme seemed the difference when she entered the courtyard of the palace.

Had she not been so excited, she would have liked to stroll the long corridors of the palace. They were Roman walls, and Shaylee loved Roman buildings. But today her way led directly to the throne room where the king was waiting for her. And he was not alone. Next to him stood an elderly man who had to be his father-in-law Æthelhelm of Wiltshire. Sitting opposite the king's advisor, Aidan leaned back casually. Shaylee tried hard not to pay attention to him and kept her eyes fixed on the king.

"Lady Shaylee, how beautiful you have made it here. I hope you had a peaceful journey," King Edward greeted her with a smile. But the smile looked as fake as Shaylee's smile was.

"You sent for me," Shaylee said, not answering the king's question. He didn't care anyway. Besides, this little act of rebellion felt good.

"I did," the king said after he realised that Shaylee would say no more. "In fact, your husband asked me for help with family reunification. I understand that the family is about to get bigger."

"You can't possibly be serious," Shaylee blurted out, pointing to Aidan without looking: "You fought him. Have you forgotten Ceaster already?"

The king stood up and took a step towards Shaylee: "I have not forgotten Ceaster! But it is my sacred duty to honour the Bible, and you are the wife of this man before God and the Church." He pointed to Aidan, who moved for the first time.

Shaylee did not pay any attention to him, but replied: "And yet it is written in the Book of Moses that a covenant will be broken if servitude and suffering come out of it".

She noticed Uhtred and Finan looking at her in surprise. Yes, she might not have been a convent student, but she knew a few things from the Bible.

"The Bible also says that a wife must submit to her husband. And he should chastise her if necessary," Aidan now threw in.

Shaylee wanted to cry as rage filled her belly. She felt her ears getting hot. She glared at him then spat out "HOW DARE YOU?”

He sneers at her then laughs only adding fuel to my wrath.

"You think this is funny?" she snapped.

He glares at her with hatred in his cruel dull grey eyes. "You belong to me. We promised it before God." He pointed to her belly and added, "Now we will be a real family. Isn't that what you always wanted; a family?"

Shaylee hissed, "I belong to no one but myself."

"Lord King please, this is wrong," Finan said for the first time.

"What's wrong is for a wife to leave her husband." The King replied and then said, "There's nothing to discuss, the situation is clear."

Shaylee took another step forward and stared at the King in cold rage: "I will NOT go back to Ireland with that bleeding gilt. I'd rather die."

With these words, she turned around and left the men in the hall. She walked at a moderate pace until she was out of sight, then she began to run. She had to get away from this place. She ran around a turn and almost ran into a red-haired woman. It took a second before she recognised Eadith, who was holding Æthelstan's hand and said: "Shaylee what is going on? What has happened?"

Shaylee stopped. She pressed her hand to a spot under her breast, where she felt a stabbing pain. Then she pointed her hand back and said in a trembling voice, "That bastard is trying to force me to go back to Ireland with Aidan. The Bible would not allow anything else."

Eadith stared at Shaylee speechlessly until she stammered, "He can't possibly mean that seriously. Maybe this is a move by King Edward to get Aidan to do something he wants him to do."

Shaylee definitely shook her head: "I don't believe it. It's his..." She broke off and put her hand on her stomach. Damn, there was the pain again. She had to brace herself against the wall and tried to breathe deeply. What the hell was the pain? This question was answered when she suddenly felt something warm running down her thighs.

Eadith watched her with worried eyes. She had, of course, noticed that something was going on with Shaylee and asked anxiously: "What is it? Everything all right?"

Shaylee bit her tongue and did not know exactly what to say. When she didn't answer the question, Eadith asked again: "Shaylee what's wrong?"

Shaylee slowly turned to her and said in a low voice: "The baby. It's coming."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading :D


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: The following chapter covers the topic of miscarriage. If you are struggling with the experiences of miscarriage or the loss of a child, the following chapter could be a trigger for you, and you would want to skip the next two chapters. ❤️

Eadith looked at her startled: "What?"

The pain that had just rippled through Shaylee's stomach had subsided, and she took a deep breath: "The child is coming."

Eadith still didn't seem to know exactly what to do with this information. It took her a moment until she then she turned to Æthelstan and said to him: "Run to Uhtred and tell him that Shaylee and I are with Abbess Hild. And tell him that Shaylee is in labour."

The boy looked at her with big eyes, but then he nodded and ran away.

Shaylee looked at Eadith with a wrinkled forehead, "To Abbess Hild?

„Do you want to give birth to your child in the Inn?" Eadith asked her dryly.

No, Shaylee did not want that. She found the idea of giving birth to a bastard child in a Christian monastery a bit unusual, though. But she followed Eadith through the street to the entrance of the nunnery anyway.

Eadith was going at a fairly brisk pace until Shaylee finally took her by the arm and said, "We don't need to hurry. It will be hours before the baby is born".

Eadith looked at her and laughed somewhat embarrassed: "You're right. Please forgive me. I've never been involved in childbirth before."

They walked a little slower through Winchester until they finally reached the convent. Eadith stopped one of the young novices and asked her: "Excuse me, can you tell us where we can find Abbess Hild?

The young woman in the nun's robe frowned and hesitated briefly, then said, "She left the nunnery some time ago. She wanted to meet Father Pyrlig and some other men in the Inn."

It was obvious to the nun that she could not quite understand why her abbess should meet with men in an Inn. But she did not bring up this incomprehension, which led Shaylee to conclude that the nun respected Hild. The nun looked back and forth between Shaylee and Eadith and finally said: "But surely Abbess Hild wouldn't mind if they wait in her rooms. I will send an errand boy to inform her of her visit".

Shaylee smiled gratefully at the young woman: "Thank you very much. I think we'll take a walk in the garden in the meantime. Abbess Hild will find us there."

Eadith followed Shaylee hesitantly towards the garden of the monastery: "Are you sure that walking is a good idea?"

"Sure. I can't just do nothing."

They had hardly arrived in the monastery garden when Hild stepped through a passage in the wall on the opposite side and came hurrying towards them. She hugged Shaylee tightly and said, "I just spoke to Father Pyrlig. We will find a solution so that this bastard will not be allowed to take you with him! And in the meantime, you stay here, this is certainly not the first place they'll look for you."

Shaylee gave the abbess a short hug, then she separated herself from the lady and said: "Thank you, but that's not why we're here." She stroked her pregnant belly with a light smile, "The baby is in a hurry."

"The contractions have already started?" Hild asked in surprise.

Nodding, Shaylee replied, "Yes, it will surely take a while longer. Please excuse us for intruding, but..."

Hild cut off her word: "Nothing but, you are more than welcome here. I will have a room prepared. Your uncle knows about this?"

Eadith nodded and said: "I have sent Æthelstan to him. He should inform him."

"Very well," said Hild and smiled at Eadith, "Will you keep Shaylee company while I arrange the room?"

A little later, Abbess Hild rushed off again, and Shaylee and Eadith began to stroll through the convent garden also. The contractions came at long intervals and did not last very long. Shaylee knew that it would be a long time before the child was really born. Now the contractions were not particularly unpleasant. But Shaylee knew that this would change later and she would need all her strength.

Eadith always stayed close to her, even when Shaylee finally retreated into the chamber that Hild had prepared for her, she stayed by her side. Shaylee thought it was kind of cute, but it was really not necessary. Smiling, Shaylee sent Eadith out of the chamber: "I'm just going to lie down for a while, and you should do the same. I'll be all right!"

"Are you sure?" Eadith asked sceptically.

Shaylee smiled: "Sure. I'm gonna get some more sleep. Besides, it'll probably be hours before the contractions really kick in. I will call for you then."

Eadith didn't seem entirely convinced. But she left Shaylee alone and left the room to lie down herself.

Shaylee lay down too, but she had trouble falling asleep. She had become so accustomed to falling asleep in the arms of Finan that she now had trouble falling asleep without his quiet snoring. She rolled back and forth in the narrow cot and finally got up moaning. She would not fall asleep, at least not yet.

Outside it had become dark by now. The room was lit only by flickering candles. Through the small window, Shaylee could watch the starry sky. She was stretching her neck to perhaps spot a constellation familiar to her when it became loud outside her chamber door.

"You can't go in there," said one woman in a shrill voice.

"I can, and I will. Step aside," a man's voice came through the door, and Shaylee heard the excitement in his voice.

The nun's voice trembled but she remained steadfast: "I have strict orders not to let anyone in except Abbess Hild, Lady Eadith or Lord Uhtred.“

Shaylee was impressed by the nun's steadfastness and smiled gratefully at her as she opened the door: "It's all right. He may come in. Thank you very much!"

The novice looked at Shaylee and carefully asked, "Are you sure."

Laughing, Shaylee nodded, "Quite sure." Then she turned to Finan and said, "Come on in."

Finan quickly followed her into the chamber, and before the door behind him had fallen into the lock, he pulled Shaylee into his arms and asked excitedly, "How are you? Are you alright?“

Shaylee nodded and let herself sink a little against Finan's chest: "Yes, I'm fine."

Finan's hands gently stroked her back and sighed: "Æthelstan was shouted into the church by his grandmother, so he found us only a little while ago and gave us the message. Otherwise I would have been here much earlier".

Smiling, Shaylee waved away: "That's all right. It'll be a long time before the child is here. At the moment it's mostly just killing time anyway, and when things really start to take off you wouldn't be able to help here anyway".

Finan nodded slowly and lowered his gaze, then onto Shaylee's bulging belly. He gently stroked it and then asked, "But the baby's coming early, isn't it?"

Nodding, Shaylee replied, "Yes, it's pretty rushed. But I'm sure it'll be all right."

Shaylee was not 100% sure if she wanted to reassure herself or Finan? The baby came very early, either she had made a big miscalculation, or the baby came about a month and a half early. But she made every effort to push all worrying thoughts as far away from her as possible.

Finan seemed to feel her anxiety anyway and said: "It just wants to get to know you as soon as possible. I can understand that." He leaned down to her and breathed a gentle kiss on her lips, then let himself fall to his knees before her, and, turning to the baby, said: "And you: You will be kind to his mother. You'll have plenty of time to tease her later."

Laughing, Shaylee shook her head: "Even then, he still doesn't have a pass.

"He?" asked Finan winking, "Do you think it'll be a boy?"

Shaylee rolled her eyes, "Maybe."

Finan still grinned contentedly, "Well, we'll know soon enough."

He was right about that. Relaxed, Shaylee leaned back against Finan as he stood up and wrapped his muscular arms around her. With her eyes closed, she stood there, enjoying the pleasant warmth he radiated. But suddenly she tensed up again as another contraction rolled through her body.

Finan naturally noticed her sudden change and supported her at the elbows. The spitting was quickly over, and Shaylee relaxed again.

Finan looked down at her questioningly, and Shaylee quickly put on a smile: "All is well. All over again." She looked over at the bed and said, "I was just about to lie down. Would you like to keep me company? I'll sleep better with you beside me."

"You want to sleep?" asked Finan in surprise.

Glucking, Shaylee nodded: "Yes, I do. It will be a long time before the actual birth begins. And I don't intend to wait all night for the next contraction. I also heard that I wouldn't get much sleep with a toddler. I don't want to have my last night without a child stolen too.“

Finan still looked at her a bit critically, but he followed her to the narrow bed and sat down on it. He leaned his back against the headboard of the bed and put his arms around Shaylee, who nestled against his side and let her head rest on his chest.

So they sat there for a while, and Shaylee dozed a little. But even now she could not really fall asleep. Too many thoughts were whirling through her head. Finally, she lifted her head and looked up at Finan: "What happened in the throne room after I left it?“

From the moment Shaylee felt the first contraction, she had tried to push the thought of her conversation in the palace away from her. But she was honest enough with herself to admit to herself that she had not been very successful.

Finan had involuntarily stiffened when she raised the subject. He didn't answer immediately either but seemed to get his answers straight. Finally, he said: "The good thing is that the King has not yet given a definitive answer.“

"But he didn't shoot down Aidan's request right away either," Shaylee remarked, grimacing.

Finan sighed: "No, he didn't. But we will find a solution anyway." He looked down at her and put his hand on her stomach, "They won't be able to tear us apart. Never."

"Never!" Shaylee repeated, snuggling up with Finan.

She actually managed to get some more sleep. But she woke up every now and then when another contraction rolled through her body. Eventually, she gave up and got up again.

"Let's go for a walk", she decided and pulled her overdress over her head with some effort.

Finan tiredly rubbed his eyes, but stood up obediently and offered her his arm. Shaylee link arms with him with a grin, and together they began to stroll through the corridors of the monastery. They walked slowly, for Shaylee was by now quite clumsy. They had just turned into the cloister when Shaylee stopped and clawed her hands into Finan's forearm. Moaning, she put her hand on her belly.

Finan looked at her, uncertainly, "Are you all right?"

Angrily glinting, Shaylee looked up at him and asked, "Do I look like I'm all right?“

Finan hesitated briefly, then asked, "What can I do?"

Shaylee tried to let the air out of her lungs slowly and then said more gently, "Tell me a story. Distract me."

She seemed to have surprised Finan with that because he didn't say anything for a while, the next contraction came, and through clenched teeth, Shaylee hissed: "Tell me a story!“

Quickly Finan tightened up and began to tell: "Have I ever told you how I got my scian?“

Shaylee just shook her head and walked next to Finan in small steps. He smiled and began to talk: "I was about 10 years old. Still a child, but I felt like I had grown up a long time ago. I spent a lot of time with my aunt Orlaigh. She was my father's sister." Finan grinned, lost in memories, "She was a remarkable woman. Very different from her 11 sisters. She was never intimidated by my grandfather or her brothers. She only married for her mother's sake. Her husband was a strange buck. He hardly ever talked and when he did, he had this voice," Finan laughed, "He sounded like a talking crow.

Shaylee snorted and shook her head, "No way, you made that up."

"If I say so," affirmed Finan and said conspiratorially, "Aunt Orlaigh once made the suggestion that he might have been an enchanted crow."

Finan's melodious laugh carried through the corridor, he stroked his beard and then continued with a grin, "Orlaigh's husband did not get old. They didn’t have children themselves. But I spent a lot of time at her house. My mother was a pious woman. It was essential to her that her children were raised according to their status. She had not much interest in games and fun. My aunt was very different. She was all fun and games. After the death of her husband, my grandfather wanted to remarry Orlaigh as quickly as it was morally possible, but she refused. She was the opposite of her father in almost everything, but she was no bit less stubborn than him. My grandmother was near to despair because of her. But then Orlaigh met Liam Ó Raghallaigh at a market. Liam was not a particularly rich man, wealthy but not influential. He was a simple armourer, but Orlaigh wanted him or no one else. Finally, my grandfather gave in. The only time he gave in, but he refused to pay a dowry. Orlaigh couldn't have cared less about that. She and Liam moved to a small house in the city and lived a simple life. It was a small house, but it seemed huge to me. Every time I had managed to get away from the priests, I was either in the forest or with Liam in the forge. There he taught me how to smith and much more. He showed me how to make a weapon as beautiful as it was deadly."

Shaylee also smiled: "Finan, the armourer. You never cease to amaze me."

"Unfortunately, much of the knowledge didn't stick," admitted Finan and was about to continue when Shaylee suddenly broke away from him and ran to a nearby bucket.

Coughing, she bent over the bucket and waited for nausea to overcome her, but sickness slowly let go. Moaning, she straightened up again and brushed a strand of hair from her face. When she saw the worried look of Finan, she forced herself to smile: "Go on."

Finan hesitated, but then he continued: "Of course, from the first day in the blacksmith's shop, I wanted Liam to make me a sword, but he refused. Which is understandable for any adult, of course, but less so for a 7-year-old boy. I received my first sword when I was about 13 years old. But already some years before he gave me this scian at the summer solstice". Finan's gaze wandered and then said, lost in thought, "He also taught me how to handle these weapons. Everything I know, he taught me."

Finan interrupted himself, and a short pause arose before continuing: "Conall, my brother was jealous of my new treasure from the moment Liam gave me the scian. This, of course, made the Scian even more valuable to me. I have always carried him around with me, from my youth to my adult age. Conall knew how much this scian meant to me, especially after the death of Liam. So, of course, he insisted on taking the Scian from me before he made me leave Ireland."

Finan interrupted himself, no doubt he seemed to consider how best to proceed, finally saying: "I thought I would never see this scian again, just like everything else I had left behind in Ireland. But somehow my aunt must have found out that I survived and was now living in Coccham. Because one day, years after I left Ireland, an Irish trader stood on my doorstep and handed me this very scian." Finan pulled the long dagger from its sheath and twisted it back and forth between his fingers, "This scian of Liam was the first weapon I received, and now it is the only remnant of my childhood, the only thing left of my origins."

Shaylee had stopped and looked up at Finan. Attentively she studied his face. She could see his slightly clouded eyes and knew that this relatively neutral expression was a pure facade. Reluctantly, she reached for his hand and said softly, "Your aunt and Liam have given you so much more than just a scian. They have given you memories, and these memories belong only to you, and nobody can take them away from you".

Finan smiled at her gratefully but still with a certain sadness in his eyes. Shaylee would have loved to talk about the story further, but she never got the chance as the next contraction rolled through her. The contractions were now very close together, and she knew that the next phase of the birth was now slowly beginning. So, supported by Finan, she made her way back to her chamber, where she told him to call Eadith and Hild: "And then I would go to an alehouse if I were you. It may be hours before the baby is born and the alehouse is the best place to wait".

For once, Finan did not seem particularly enthusiastic about the idea of going to the alehouse. But he complied with her request, of course. But before he went out the door, he took Shaylee in his arms once more and kissed her extensively: "I love you. Don't you dare leave me here alone!"

Of course, Shaylee knew what he was alluding to. She stood on her toes and looked deep into Finan's eyes: "I love you! It's gonna be all right, I promise you."

She knew she couldn't really promise that. Childbirth was a dangerous thing, and it happened all too often that either the mother or the child did not survive. But Shaylee just couldn't let those thoughts happen right now, she just knew that everything would be fine. So she pushed Finan to the door and said, "See you in a few hours."

As the door behind Finan fell into the lock, Shaylee leaned against the wall, breathing heavily. In the last few minutes, the contractions had grown stronger and stronger, and now she could barely stand on her feet when one announced itself. She stood there, breathing heavily as the door to her chamber was pushed open again, and Eadith and Hild came in. Hild hurried to her immediately and led her to the bed.

"How are you?" she asked Shaylee after helping her onto the bed.

Shaylee looked at them, mockingly: " Fucking fantastic. What do you think?"

She noticed immediately that she had misused her tone and rushed to say, "Please forgive me. It's just that..."

Hild laughed and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder: "Everything is all right. Don't worry. There's nothing you can throw at my head that someone hasn't said before."

Shaylee doubted that, but she decided to let the statement stand. Hild gave instructions to a novice standing in the doorway, and Shaylee felt strange being on this side of the event for once. Usually, it was she who demanded hot water and clean cloths. But today Shaylee was grateful to have Hild and Eadith with her. Hild had been there for many a birth and seemed to know exactly what she had to do, and Eadith was Shaylee a rock in the surf.

Although Shaylee had been present at some of the births, she had no idea what contractions would feel like. This pain that rolled through her with every contraction could not be described in words. The pain was more intense than anything Shaylee had ever imagined. Nothing could be more brutal, not whips or chains. Sometimes the pain was so fierce that Shaylee forgot to breathe and had to struggle for breath afterwards. But the physical pain was almost less severe than this inner restlessness that gripped Shaylee. She was suddenly aware of all the things that could go wrong. Once she turned to Eadith with tears in her eyes and whispered: "The baby cannot come yet. We don't even have a name yet."

Of course, Shaylee knew she had no choice and Eadith knew she did too. But she seemed to understand that Shaylee just wasn't able to reason at the moment and so she took over for Shaylee: "The baby is coming. And you'll still have time to think of a name after the birth."

Shaylee really didn't have time to think of a name anymore, because the baby came quickly. Strangely enough, Shaylee couldn't remember the actual moment when the baby was born. Everything around her seemed to have fallen silent, and suddenly Shaylee felt this incredible emptiness inside her. Breathlessly she wanted to lift herself up, but Eadith held her down. Slowly Shaylee began to perceive her surroundings again and realised that her baby was not crying. In a panic, she shook the hand of Eadith and sat up. She immediately became dizzy but forced herself to sit up.

"Why isn't it crying? Hild! Why isn’t it crying?" panicked Shaylee Hild wanted small bundles to be torn from her hands, but Hild took a step back without looking at her. She stroked the child's face with a piece of cloth, and there was this soft whimper. Shaylee's heart skipped a sentence, and again she reached out for her child, but this time far less hectically.

Carefully Hild placed the little creature in her arms and smiled at Shaylee: "Congratulations, you have a son.“

Shaylee looked down at this little creature and could not believe that she was actually holding her son in her arms. She did not look up when Hild left the room and returned a little later. She was too busy absorbing every little thing her son did. With trembling fingers, she ran along his cheek lines and smiled as he reached for her finger in an uncoordinated manner. She only looked up when Finan dropped to his knees beside her. Shaylee tore herself away from those big blue eyes and looked up at Finan. Only now did she realise that tears were streaming down her cheeks, and Finan's eyes also appeared to be watery. She sat up a bit and turned the bundle in her arms a little so that Finan could see it better.

Finan ran his hand over his son's little head and kissed Shaylee on the temple: "You did great!“

Shaylee laughed shakily and let herself sink against Finan. They were now alone in the chamber, Hild and Eadith had withdrawn in silence, leaving the two new parents alone with their newborn son.

Shaylee shakily drew in the air and then said, "Let's call him Liam."

Finan looked at her in surprise, "Are you serious?"

Shaylee nodded and said, "Yes, absolutely. I want a name with meaning, and what could be more meaningful than the name of the man who shaped the father of my child?“

"That would mean a lot to me," Finan whispered softly.

Shaylee laughed and said with a grin, "You see, we found a name after all, because we both like."

Finan laughed softly and pulled Shaylee tenderly towards him. She tiredly lowered her head to his chest and closed her eyes for a moment. She was so tired. Finally, she opened her eyes again and held her son out to Finan so he could hold him too. Finan looked at the little creature and said softly, "He's so small."

That was Liam, really. He was so small, and his skin seemed almost translucent. Silently, her boy lay in his father's hands, and Shaylee knew he would never grow taller. She looked up at Finan and knew that he knew it too.

She slipped to the side so that Finan could sit with her on the bed. They sat arm in arm for a while in the bed, trying to memorise all the little details of their little son. Finally, Shaylee whispered in a choked voice: "We need a priest to baptise him.“

She saw Finan swallow and hesitated for a moment, then nodded, "I'll send for Father Pyrlig."

But as it turned out, Hild had already taken care of it, because Finan had hardly left the room when he returned. This time he was accompanied by Uhtred, Hild and Father Pyrlig. Uhtred walked up to her and bent down to give her a gentle kiss on the forehead. Then he turned to his great-nephew and a smile appeared on his face: "He is beautiful.“

Shaylee smiled gratefully at him. Finan sat back down with her by the bed and put his arm around her. Meanwhile, busy novices brought the baptismal utensils into the room. Hild leaned down to Shaylee and carefully picked up Liam. Shaylee was reluctant to lay her child in the arms of someone else. But she fought the emptiness down and said, "His name is Liam. After his father's uncle."

Hild smiled and nodded: "A beautiful name."

Shaylee leaned exhausted against Finan and needed a moment to mobilize enough strength to stand up. Finan helped her stand up. He had one hand around her waist, and with the other, he held her hand.

The baptism ceremony was short. Father Pyrlig said a short prayer and then baptised the boy in the name of Liam. Afterwards, the clergy left the room again, and Uhtred also said goodbye to Shaylee again.

But before he left the room, he bent down to Shaylee again and said thoughtfully: "Take as much time as you need!“

As he walked by, Uhtred Finan put one hand on his shoulder and nodded at him, "You know where to find me?“

Finan nodded and drew his face into a kind of grateful smile. Then Uhtred left the room too, and Shaylee and Finan were alone in the room again. Finan held Liam in his arms. Her son's body seemed so small and fragile in the strong arms of his father.

She tried to flick away the tears in her eyes but she couldn't, and when Finan turned to her and saw the tears in his eyes, she stopped trying.

"It's so unfair," she whispered in a choked voice. Finan didn't say anything about it, but just put her son back into her arms and put his arms around both of them. Shaylee leaned against Finan and did not let her son's little face out of her sight.

He lay so still in her arms. Newborn babies usually screamed. Which was only understandable, as she was just squeezed out of a protected bubble into a cold, brutal world, everyone would cry except Liam, who was silent and still in his arms. Only the faint raising and lowering of his chest indicates to her that he was alive.

From the moment she felt the first contractions, she had been aware that the contractions had started far too early, but she had simply hoped that she had made a mistake. That the little man inside her would be strong enough to cope with this abrupt start to his life. But now that she held the tiny body in her arms, she knew that he had no chance. No matter how hard he fought, he had no chance of a long and full life.

"He would have become a fighter. Look at those hands," Finan said into the silence and lifted his finger, which Liam clasped.

Shaylee laughed and nodded, "I'm sure he would have become the greatest warrior in the land, and every time he returned from a victorious battle, a beautiful wife and many well-behaved children would have greeted him at home.“

They both knew that these events would never happen, but somehow it felt good to play with these theories. Arm in arm, they imagined the life that Liam would never be able to lead. But suddenly they were torn from this dream world when there was a disturbance outside the door. Shaylee and Finan exchanged glances and Finan had just jumped off the bed when the door was pushed open.

Shaylee gasped for breath as Aidan burst into the room. Shaylee's brain could barely process the sudden appearance of her worst enemy as he pointed his finger at Liam and said, "This child is mine. You and the child are mines. You will both come with me, and you will come with me NOW."

"You're not getting one step closer to her," replied Finan in a tone Shaylee had never heard from him before. There was a cold burning to Finans's rage, an ice that scared Shaylee.

Any average person with common sense would have taken a step back, but not Aidan. He just laughed scornfully and said: "Oh, so you're her new stud now? You're lucky I'm taking her off your hands."

Liam, who had hardly whimpered more than a little since he was born, started crying and Shaylee began gently rocking the baby. Turning to Aidan, she hissed, "You're not taking anyone else's baby from here. Get the hell out of here!"

"I will not. At least not without this child and you," he grinned mockingly and said, "A good mother would probably come with me voluntarily to spare a child this traumatic experience.

"I swear to you. The only reason you are still alive is that we are on the ground of a monastery," growled Finan.

His tone of voice made Aidan hesitate for the first time and the fact that at that moment Abbess Hild, Uhtred, Sihtric and Osferth stormed into the room. The men immediately positioned themselves at Finan's side, blocking Aidan's view of Shaylee.

Meanwhile, Abbess Hild built herself up in front of Aidan and said decidedly: "You have no business here. Get out of here before I call the palace guards. This monastery is under the protection of the king, and the king will not tolerate you disturbing the peace of the sanctuary.“

In fact, Aidan seemed a little worried by these words. But he only turned around when Hild called out to an anxious nun: "Go to the palace and inform Lady Ælswith about this.“

The young woman was just about to turn around and hurry away when Aidan raised his hands and said, "That won't be necessary.“ Before he turned around and left the room, he turned to Shaylee again and pointed at her, "I'll get you.“

Shaylee suppressed a sob and pressed the crying Liam a little closer. When Aidan had rushed through the door, Sihtric turned to Shaylee and raised an eyebrow questioningly. To show him that she was OK, she nodded at him.

Osferth, who had also given her a quick glance, said: "I'll go after him and make sure he really stays away from here.“

Finan gratefully patted him on the shoulder and then came back to Shaylee. Carefully, he took the boy from her and patted him on the back, reassuringly: "Nanana, little one. All is well again. Aunt Hild has put the bad man to flight."

Shaylee had to laugh despite her agitation and furtively brushed a tear from the corner of her eye. It went against her grain that after all these years Aidan still managed to make her feel like a defenceless little girl. She distracted herself by watching Finan hold Liam so that Sihtric could look at Finan's son.

Smiling, Sihtric looked at the baby and then, with a grin, said, "You're lucky, he's mainly looking at his mother.“

Shaylee laughed and exchanged an amused look with Sihtric, who winked at her. They stayed with them a little longer before Hild, Uhtred and Sihtric retreated again. Finan and Shaylee remained alone in the chamber.

The hours went by far too fast, and Shaylee felt life seeping out of her child.

It was not the first time that someone close to her had died. Death wasn't kind. Shaylee knew that. It snatched where it could, taking people who were far too young, far too good. It didn't pretend to care, it didn't pretend to distinguish. The hooded vale of death had hung over her world for a long time, always threatening. All the previous deaths, however, never seemed to have affected Shaylee in this way. When her grandmother had passed away, Shaylee had taken comfort in the fact that she had lived a long and full life. And her mother, well Shaylee could not remember exactly how she felt when she died. But now it was as if a part of her was dying. The part that Shaylee loved the most.

She could feel her little boy's heartbeat getting weaker and weaker and knew it would soon be time. Shaky, she took a breath and bent down to Liam and said goodbye in a trembling voice: "We will meet again! Until then, never forget: Mam and Dad did love you. Every single second we had you, we loved you more. You will always be in our hearts." She kissed the little boy on the forehead and sobbed, " Mommy loves you so much."

Finan, with his arms wrapped around her, pulled her closer and kissed her temple. Shaylee sensed that his cheeks were wet too and so they sat there, close together, while her child drew its last breath in her arms. They sat there for a long time until finally, Finan stood up and gently took the child from her arms. He carefully placed it in the basket that had been prepared for the child. But the cot had now become his deathbed.

Shaylee watched Finan almost tenderly pull the white blanket over his son. She tried to suppress the pain, as much as she tried to hold it in, the pain came out like an uproar from her throat in the form of a silent scream. The beads of water started falling down one after another, without a sign of stopping. Finan, who saw how much she was suffering, immediately rushed back to her side and took her in his arms. Shaylee knew he only wanted to comfort her, but she could not bear to be near him. She hit his chest and tried to scream, but her voice was melted by the sound of the place. The muffled sobs wracked against her chest. The world turned into a blur, and so did all the sounds. The taste. The smell. Everything was gone. The last painful emotion slammed against her before she lost the feeling of feeling. Everything darkened into nothingness as she passed into the oblivion of unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading.
> 
> I realise that my story is a bit gloomy at the moment. It will not stay always like this, I promise. ;-)


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: The following chapter covers the topic of miscarriage. If you are struggling with the experiences of miscarriage or the loss of a child, the following chapter could be a trigger for you, and you would want to skip this chapter. ❤️

Raindrops were streaming down Shaylee's face. She was wet through and through, and even if she had been standing under a waterfall, she probably wouldn't have gotten any wetter. But Shaylee hardly noticed the rain. She stood in the cemetery and stared down at the small grave at her feet.

Anyone who saw her would have thought she was deeply sad. In fact, she was nothing but furious. Angry at God and the world, but mostly at herself. How could she have allowed her child to be ripped from the earth so young? What kind of mother was she, that she couldn’t even manage to keep her child inside herself long enough so it would have a chance to live? Questions like this burned on her soul and hardly allowed Shaylee to find any sleep at night. The fact that she was utterly exhausted did not necessarily make her mental state any better.

Finan tried his best to support her. To tear her out of her dreariness, but he was only partially successful. As a result, Shaylee only felt worse. She would have loved to leave Winchester, but on the one hand, the king had forbidden her to leave the city, unless she visited the grave of her son. And on the other hand, leaving the city would have felt like losing her son all over again. A sob escaped her, and she felt the sadness rising inside her again. She felt the tears coming and the sobs getting stronger. She had never cried so often in her life. She had never been a whiny person, she was not usually like that. But what was normal since Liam had been torn from her?

She sank to her knees at the tiny grave, not caring for the damp mud that dirtied her dress. Her tears mingled with the rain, and her gasping wails echoed around the gravestones. The pain that flowed from her was as palpable was the frigid fall wind.

Shaylee tiredly stroked the wet strands from her face and looked up to the watery skies and heaven beyond. She had to believe her baby was safe up there, comfortable and warm. To look down would be to imagine his cold body in a box, bereft of her cuddles and goodnight kisses.

Next to the grave of her little boy was the grave of his great-aunt Thyra. Shaylee had never met her aunt, but she was comforted by the fact that her two graves were next to each other. And she hoped that it did console her little boy as well.

"I am sorry! Please forgive me," she murmured softly and buried her hand in the wet earth.

"Don't do that! Don't blame yourself," a voice sounded behind her and Shaylee looked up in surprise.

Behind her stood her uncle. He was completely soaked as well, and Shaylee had something of a guilty conscience. Hopefully, he wouldn't catch a cold because he was standing out here with her in the cold February rain.

Shaylee wouldn't let Uhtred out of her sight as he stood next to her and his eyes twitched between his sister's and his grandnephew's grave: "I wish you had met Thyra. I'm sure you would have gotten along very well. She was also a strong woman. No matter what fate threw at her, she always made the best of it. Every challenge made her stronger."

He broke off and crouched down in front of the grave, pulling out some weeds. Then he looked up and asked, "Do you know the story of how she killed Sven the One-Eyed?"

Silently, Shaylee shook her head, and Uhtred told her the story of how Thyra had set her dogs on her jailer, "She would have set the dogs on your father and me too if it weren't for Beocca. He put himself in her way and probably saved our lives in the process.”

Shaylee was waiting for Uhtred to explain why he told her this story and already believed there was no reason for it. But then Uhtred continued, "At the time I thought we had lost her forever. That we had lost her to grief, to despair. But she was stronger than her grief. She left what she had experienced behind. Though she thought then, without a doubt, that life was no longer worth living."

"None of this was her fault. She couldn't help what had happened," Shaylee replied quietly.

Uhtred looked down at her and asked, "You think you did something wrong?" His face looked at her so compassionately that Shaylee could not return his gaze. She turned away from him and stood up.

Shivering, she wrapped her arms around him and then asked, "If I had done everything right, would my child hardly be dead or not?"

Uhtred now stood up as well and put his big hands on her shoulder, so that she was forced to turn to him: "It is not your fault. No matter what you would have done differently, the result would not have changed." He put his finger under her chin and lifted it up so that she had to look into his eyes, "As sad as it is. Children are dying, and there is nothing we can do about it. The only thing we can do is honour their memory and keep them in our hearts."

"That's easy for you to say. You have three healthy kids you watched grow up. You've had years. I didn't have a day," Shaylee replied, and she was quite aware of the searing undertone. She couldn't help herself. How could he understand what she was feeling? You couldn't unless you had experienced it yourself. And when she saw Uhtred lower his gaze, her guilty conscience took hold of her. Of course, he knew exactly what she was feeling.

"His name was Uhtred," Uhtred said softly, smiling as he saw her eyebrows raised, "What do you want? It's the family name." The slight grin on his lips disappeared quickly as he continued, "I was young. Hardly ever at home. My first wife, she was..." He hesitated before he said, "We didn't harmonize. She was too God-fearing to be happy in a marriage with a heathen. But when Uhtred came into the world, we were happy. We were a small family, and for a short time, we were happy. I thought that we could solve our problems somehow. But then ..." Again he interrupted himself, "We quarrelled, and before we could have reconciled, I rode south. To Wealas. When I returned, well, I was not alone."

Shaylee opened his mouth and looked at him speechlessly. Uhtred could see the silent reproach in her eyes and shrugged her shoulders, "I know, I know. But I was young, and if you had known Iseult, you would have understood me. When I returned to our estate the next time, our farm was empty. No trace of my wife and child. Just a small grave behind our house."

His voice broke, and Shaylee instinctively reached for his hands. They were just as cold as hers. But they crossed their fingers and stood close together. Joined in their grief for the children they had never seen grow up.

"Does it get any easier," Shaylee finally asked quietly and looked up at her uncle.

He looked down at her, and then his gaze wandered away: "I remember how it feels like, this grief. Feels like emptiness in your heart, a shear of nothingness that somehow takes over and holds your soul and threatens to kill you entirely. It gives you this heavy feeling that's like the weight of the world is resting on your shoulders, and there is nothing you can do to get out from under it. It's like this hole in your heart that is the shape of the one you lost." He interrupted himself, and his gaze seemed to return to the present: "But it is getting better. It takes time, but it gets better!"

Shaylee returned his gaze, but then turned away and said quietly, "I don't know if I can wait that long.

Uhtred put his hand on her shoulder and then pulled her into a hug: "If anyone can do it, it's you. You are stronger than you think."

Shaylee clawed her hands into his cape and buried her face in his shoulder so he would not see her renewed tears. When she finally broke away from her uncle, she wiped those tears away in embarrassment and then slowly made her way back to the city beside him.

Despite the comforting conversation with her uncle, a dark shadow seemed to lie over the world. It was like she was wearing a cloak, she could not simply let fall to the floor, and though she helt it so tight she can't find the warmth she needed, yet it clinged. It was the anchor to her feet, the reason she can't find the surface or the sunshine, that feeling of soft joy that lives in memories that can't rise within.

However, her grief faded into the background when she received news from the court that the king had made a decision regarding Aidan's petition.

She was sitting in the chapel of the nunnery, staring at the cross, when Hild came in. When she spotted Shaylee, she came over to her with a gloomy expression on her face. Shaylee looked at her unemotionally and listened to Hild tell her that she had just met Father Pyrlig and that he had told her that the king had decided to grant Aidan's request. Shaylee was speechless for a moment, then it was as if she awoke from a trance: "I have to talk to Finan and Uhtred. Never will I go with Aidan. NEVER!"

Hild said nothing, but it was obvious that she agreed with her. Shaylee got up and rushed out of the church. She knew where to find the men and made her way to the tavern. She found Osferth and Sihtric sitting at a table and asked them, "Are Uhtred and Finan here too?“

Sihtric shook his head: "No, you just missed them. A messenger was just here and called them to the palace. The messenger was also looking for you."

Shaylee sucked the air in sharply. That could only mean one thing. If she went to the palace now, they would tell her that she had to go to Ireland with Aidan.

She murmured softly; "Fantastic. The day just keeps getting better and better."

Osferth looked at her questioningly, and Hild answered his unspoken question: "The king is responding to Aidan's demand. Most likely, that is why Uhtred and Finan were called to the palace and why Shaylee is also wanted."

The faces of the two men brightened. And they both stood up immediately. Surprised Shaylee looked at the hand of Sihtric, which he placed on her shoulder. Then he pushed her more or less gently in the direction of the stables.

"What exactly do you think you are doing here," she asked him and shook his hand impatiently.

"I don't suppose you want to be found. Or do you?", Sihtric replied and looked at her with raised eyebrows. Then he looked around and asked, "And now, what do we do?“

Shaylee sighed and said, "Well, what can I do? There really is only one thing I can do, isn’t it?" Sihtric raised his eyebrows, and Shaylee said, "I'm going to run away and hide until Aidan loses interest and then leaves for Ireland again.“

„You can't just leave,“ Osferth replied sceptically.

"Oh, and do you have another plan?" Shaylee asked, not very hopeful.

Osferth hesitated and shook his head slowly: "No, but there must be another solution."

There was undoubtedly another solution. But they would need time to find it. But if Shaylee stayed in Winchester, they would not have that time. She sighed and finally said, "I have to disappear, at least until we figure out how to deal with Aidan."

"We could just kill him," mumbled Sihtric and smiled at Shaylee crookedly.

She couldn't help but grin as well: "Don't tempt me.“

Hild interrupted her firmly: "We will surely find a solution where nobody has to die.“

"He would have deserved it," murmured Sihtric softly.

But Hild paid no attention to him. She looked at Shaylee and said, "They will suspect you in the North. At Stiorra’s, for example. You must travel in the opposite direction. Go to St Wilfrid's Church."

Shaylee looked at her in surprise: "I should hide in a monastery?"

"Not in some convent. The monastery where Young Uhtred lived" murmured Sihtric and looked at Hild. "At least that would buy us some time."

And she would need that time. Outside of the stables, a voice rose: "A few minutes ago, she was sitting in the Inn."

"But she is not there anymore. So go and find her. She can't have vanished into thin air," replied an annoyed voice that seemed strangely familiar to Shaylee. Then it ran down her spine, freezing cold: "Niall." Hild looked at her questioningly, and she explained, "Aidan's henchman. Dumb as a bag of straw, but that's what makes him dangerous."

Hild nodded: "I know who you mean. Blond and short, right? He's been creeping around Winchester for weeks. I'm surprised you haven't run into him yet."

Shaylee thanked the Lord she had been lucky so far and she had no intention of changing that. She peered out the stable door and spotted Niall walking past the stable. He was no doubt, looking for her. If she wanted to get out of the city, she had to hurry. She turned to her friends and looked into 3 pairs of determined eyes. Sihtric crossed his fingers and held her palms out so that she could put her foot in: "Hide yourself here. We will get your staff and get you some provisions for the journey."

Shaylee grabbed the boards above her, but before she pulled herself up into the hayloft, she looked down at Sihtric again and hesitantly asked, „And Finan?“

Sihtric did not answer, but Osferth pulled a face: "If he stormed out of the palace, they would follow him for sure and so they would be led directly to you. You will have to ride without him." He quickly raised his hands when he saw her frightened face, "Don't worry, he will follow! We will find a way to get him out of the city as well. Believe it or not, we are experienced at smuggling people in and out of Winchester."

Shaylee never doubted his claim for a second and then pulled one up into the hayloft. As soon as she pulled herself up, she heard her friends downstairs leaving. Sighing, she looked around the attic. It was dark, and it smelled of dust and straw. Yawning, she settled down in a heap of straw and let her head fall back into the soft straw. She could do nothing but wait, and she hated every minute of it. She hated that she was condemned to inactivity, but she also knew that it would not have made sense for her to be seen on the streets of Winchester right now.

She was still lying there when she suddenly heard footsteps downstairs. At first, she thought that Sihtric or Osferth had already come back. But then she hesitated, it did not sound like determined steps. It was more as if someone was constantly looking around. Following an instinct, Shaylee pushed herself further back into the darkness of the storage.

She was now hidden behind a heap of straw, it was so dark here under the roof that you could hardly see your hand in front of your eyes. Shaylee held her breath as she listened to the steps below. By now she had no doubt that Niall was creeping back and forth down there. Like a bloodhound looking for her scent. She had buried her face in the straw and felt the smell of the straw tickle her nose. But she did not dare to turn her head out of the straw. And so she lay there and felt the tickle slowly move up her nose. She clenched her hands into fists and drilled her fingernails into the palms of her hands to distract herself from the growing desire to sneeze.

When she finally heard the footsteps move away from the stable, she turned around in relief and rubbed the bridge of her nose. Immediately she cursed herself for it, she had moved too soon. The steps had stopped abruptly and been now coming closer again.

She heard Niall pull himself up on the boards and stop at the end of the attic. Shaylee would probably have been discovered. If a rat hadn't suddenly shot out from between the piles of straw and made the pile of a straw tremble. The sudden appearance of the rat seemed to convince Niall that he had only heard the rat before. He stopped for a moment, then turned around and jumped down onto the stone floor of the stables.

This time Shaylee waited until the footsteps had faded away entirely before she let the paused air escape loudly. She ran her hand over her eyes in relief and sent a quick prayer to the heavens. It was not long before she heard footsteps the next time. But this time it was purposeful steps, and she listened to the soft whistling that she knew only too well. Grinning, she let herself slide down from the hayloft. Sihtric stood in the door of the stable and had a bundle in his hand. Astonished, Shaylee reached for it and felt the cloth of the nun's habit in surprise.

Sihtric shrugged his shoulders when he saw her surprised look: "Was the idea of Abbess Hild. That way, you should get out of Winchester without too much trouble."

Shaylee had to admit that the strategy was certainly not the worst. Still, it was kind of weird to put on that thick wool dress. When she came back to Sihtric, plucking at her veil, he looked at her and burst out laughing. Even Shaylee could not help but grin. It was quite strange that she of all people dressed up as a nun. Even Osferth who came to her a few minutes later and was leading a grey mare on the rein was stopping when she stepped out of the stable and greeted him with a grin: "Thank you, my son. God shall reward you for it."

Shaylee still grinned broadly as she swung into the saddle and accepted the small bundle of provisions from Osferth. She picked up the reins and turned to her two friends: "Thank you very much. Tell Finan I'll wait for him at St Wilfrid's Church."

Sihtric nodded, and Osferth smiled encouragingly at her: "Don't worry. We will find you. "

The disguise as a nun had been a brilliant idea by Hild. But Shaylee was still surprised how easy it was to leave Winchester unnoticed. The guards at the city gate hardly paid any attention to her and nobody seemed to take any notice of her on her way to St Wilfrid's Church.

The time alone on horseback actually did Shaylee good. The fresh air let Shaylee take a deep breath for the first time in a long time. She even enjoyed spending the cold night in a small clearing near Warnford. But it was still so cold that Shaylee was glad that she could continue riding through the hilly landscape the next morning. Upon the hill, Shaylee bridled her horse and let her gaze wander over the terrain. In the meantime, the first signs of spring were showing. There was only a little snow here and there, and the meadows were shining in this green that was typical for spring. Shaylee stretched and let her horse walk on. From here, she could already see the monastery that was her destination. It was located at the top of a ridge. A narrow winding road led up the hill to the gate of the sanctuary. She had a rather queasy feeling as she rode towards the monastery gates.

She had never met her uncle's son. She had heard some stories about him, and he seemed to be a very godly man. That was something she would not necessarily say of herself. And basically, she was currently on the run from a decision of a God-fearing man.

Maybe it wasn't such a great idea to hide at Young Uhtred's after all. But now it was too late to change her mind because she had just ridden through the monastery gates and was bridling her horse on the square in front of the monastery church. She swung herself from her horse a little awkwardly. The nun's robe was clearly not meant for riding. She hardly had ground under her feet again when a monk hurried towards her.

"Sister. Welcome to St Wilfrid's Church," he peered past her and said in amazement, "You are travelling alone?“

Out of spontaneous inspiration, Shaylee decided not to blow her cover immediately and put on a chaste smile: "Yes, I was in a hurry. I have an important message for brother Uhtred."

The monk pruned, but quickly recovered: "Brother Uhtred? He's not here at the moment."

She continued to smile to cover up her inner restlessness and asked, "But he will surely return soon, won't he?"

The monk shook his head unhappily: "Not in the near future. He has travelled to Glestingaburg to pray at the holy thorn."

"You have got to be kidding," escaped Shaylee and immediately the monk looked at her somewhat reproachfully. She forced her most demure smile on herself and quickly apologized: "Please forgive me. It's just that I am to deliver an important message from Abbess Hild to him.“

The monk's face softened again, and he nodded: "Now you'll recover first. I will have a warm meal brought to you in the guest quarters. One of the novices will take care of their horse."

Shaylee hesitated briefly, then decided to accept the offer. A little warmth in her stomach couldn't hurt, and she needed time to come up with a new plan. Gratefully she sat down on a bench and smiled at the novice who handed her a bowl of warm stew.

The monk, who had welcomed her outside, examined her and finally asked: "What religious order do you belong to?

Shaylee quickly answered, "The Winchester Nunnery."

She could only hope he'd believe her story. She still saw some doubt in his eyes, and so she forced herself to smile at him again and asked, "When did Brother Uhtred leave?“

"A few days ago. By now, he will have arrived in Glestingaburg," the monk replied, and Shaylee nodded slowly.

"Then I'd best be on my way again," she sighed and pushed the now-empty bowl away from her. The monk didn't seem particularly saddened that Shaylee swung back into the saddle a little later and raised her hand to say goodbye. She slowly rode out of the saddle down the road and then up the hill again. At the top of the hill, she stopped at the edge of the woods and briefly turned back to the monastery.

Then she rode into the forest. But just far enough so that one could not see her from the monastery. In the monastery, one would have surely wondered if she had been hanging around at the edge of the forest. But she couldn't move any further away from the monastery. She had to stay nearby so she wouldn't miss Finan, who would hopefully show up here sooner or later.

Just behind the edge of the forest, she bridled her horse and got off. She threw the rein loosely over a branch so that the horse had some freedom of movement. Then the first thing she did was to take off her nun's robe and put on her regular travelling clothes again. She reached for her bow and searched the edge of the forest for an evergreen tree, which she then climbed up and made herself comfortable in the branches of the tree.

As she sat there in the leaves of the fir tree, her thoughts drifted involuntarily to the last time she had been hidden in a tree waiting for Finan. Only back then she hadn't known then that she was waiting for him. She smiled at the thought of her ignorance at that time. She had never dreamed of what would come to her in the years to come. That she would find the man, she wanted to spend her life with. That she would give birth to a son. She swallowed with difficulty as her thoughts turned back to Liam. But then she did not shake the thought off. Now she could not think about it.

She turned her attention back to the road that ran along the bottom of the hill before she went back up the hill. A lone rider had appeared, and Shaylee would have recognised him among hundreds of riders. She whistled briefly and loudly through her teeth. The lone warrior hesitated but did not stop until Shaylee whistled a second time, this time louder and more urgently. Now the rider bridled his horse and turned it in her direction. For a short time he stopped down there on the road, then he gave his horse the spurs and drove it up the steep side of the hill.

Shaylee jumped from her tree and waited for Finan a few steps behind the edge of the forest. When he spotted her, he quickly jumped off his horse and pulled her his arms.

"Thank God," he whispered in her hair and pulled her close.

Shaylee clawed her hands into his leather waistcoat and buried her face in the pit of his neck. They had found each other, and a massive stone fell from her heart. That had been her biggest worry that they would miss each other somehow. But now she held him in her arms and could feel and smell him. She didn't want to let him go, but finally, she forced herself to do so.

She looked up into his brown eyes and asked, "How are you?"

"How am I doing? That is not important at all! How are you? Why aren't you inside the monastery walls," Finan replied, taking a step back to examine them closely.

"Young Uhtred is not in the monastery. He is on a pilgrimage to Glestingaburg. He wants to pray to some thorn bush there. Don't ask me what is special about that bush", she rolled her eyes and then stood on her toes again to kiss Finan. When she separated from him again, she laid her head against his chest, "I am so glad you found me. I was afraid we would miss each other."

Finan embraced her cheeks with his calloused hands and looked tenderly at her: "I will always find you, do you hear me?"

Shaylee smiled and put her hands on his: "That's good to know."

They remained silent for a while, then Finan said, "So Glestingaburg?", as Shaylee nodded, he made a somewhat unwilling face, "That means we'd have to pass Winchester again.“

Shaylee nodded slowly, "That would be the fastest way."

Finan sighed and drove himself through the beard. Then he took a deep breath and said, "We'll think of a plan later. Right now we'd better find a place to camp soon. It'll be dark soon, and I don't suppose you'd want to sleep in that monastery down there."

Laughing mockingly, Shaylee shook her head. They didn't ride much further. Just far enough so that their campsite was not visible from the road. They found a small protected clearing. Shaylee went to collect firewood while Finan took care of the horses.

Later, they sat snuggled together around the fire and enjoyed a sparse dinner.

"We could avoid Winchester by travelling along the coast. We might even find a ship we could travel on," Shaylee finally said, looking up at Finan.

He pulled a face: "That would mean we'd be travelling about twice as long."

"And that makes a difference? I mean we wanted to go to St Wilfrid's Church so we could hide out at Young Uhtred's. Now he's not here. Does it make any sense for us to go after him? Who's to say we'll find him in Glestingaburg? And what will we do there?"

"Uhtred will find us there," replied Finan, gently stroking a strand of hair from her face.

"And that helps us how?" Shaylee asked.

Finan smiled mischievously: "We have a plan."

Shaylee had to pull herself together, not to roll her eyes. She knew her uncle and Finan's plans by now. In her opinion, these plans were usually based more on luck than on reason. Nevertheless, she put on a neutral face and asked: "And what would this plan be?“

"You don't have to pretend. It was Hild's idea," grinned Finan and laughed up, when Shaylee suddenly raised her eyebrow a little more optimistically, " Both she and Osferth came up with it. That a wedding is only valid if the woman's closest male relative agrees to the marriage. So either the father, brother or uncle in your case. That _cumberground_ never asked Uhtred for his permission. That would mean that the wedding was never legitimate."

Surprised that the plan actually made sense, Shaylee sat up and murmured softly, "This could work."

Finan smiled and nodded, "That's what I'm saying."

"But then we won't have to hide out at Young Uhtred's after all. Why don't we just go back to Winchester," Shaylee now asked excitedly.

"We can't do that. You know King Edward by now. You never know whether he'll listen to reason or one of his advisers," Finan grimaced, "No, we must hide and wait for Uhtred to send us a message.

"And where will he send it," Shaylee asked critically, "If he sends it to St Wilfrid's Church, we won't get it, and until he finds out we followed Uhtred to Glestingaburg? She hesitated and then said, "Wouldn't it be better if we followed the road to Coccham. We could hide in the woods and send a messenger from Coccham to Winchester."

Finan hesitated, and Shaylee said, "At least we can do something and not just wait for our fate to happen.“

Finan sighed and then nodded: "All right. Then we'll go to Coccham. That would also solve the problem with Winchester."

Satisfied, Shaylee smiled and gave him a quick kiss on the hand. For a moment they hardened like this, then Shaylee released her hand from his and threw another piece of wood into the fire. Fascinated, Shaylee watched as the piece of wood lay in the middle of the flames, at first invulnerable, then the flames began to lick it like a goat at a pillar of salt. It did not take long before the piece of wood burned as brightly as the rest of the wood.

"How perishable everything is," she whispered softly and stretched out her hand towards the fire. She had never been really warm since the death of Liam. Even now, as she sat close to the fire, it felt as if instead of warm blood, ice-cold water flowed through her veins. She did not feel the warmth of the fire on her skin. Only a tingling sensation moved across her skin until Finan pulled her hand back with a soft exclamation.

"What the hell are you doing?" he asked her in horror.

Shaylee didn't answer, just turned her hand back and forth in fascination. Her palm glowed red, and she could see the air flirting slightly as the skin radiated warmth. But Shaylee felt nothing. Nothing but a dull throb.

Finan pulled her hand down and turned it towards her at her shoulders. He forced her to look at him, and it was only now that Shaylee realised she had pressed her other hand onto her stomach. Finan's gaze softened as he slowly put his hand on hers. He gently stroked the back of her hand with his thumb.

"Everyone says the pain fades at some point. No one understands that I don't want it to. That it feels like a betrayal if I don't feel this stabbing pain for 5 minutes. I ...", her voice broke, and her mouth only moved silently.

Finan clasped her hand and took an audible breath. He seemed to have difficulty finding the right words. For it was a long time before he finally said: "Every time I close my eyes, I see his blue eyes before me. It is as if he wanted to ask me why I did nothing. Why I did not save him. And I have no answer. What should I answer? I could not do anything? I am..." He broke off and said a little quieter, "I was his father. It was my job to protect him, and I failed him completely."

Shaylee looked at Finan speechless. She had a guilty conscience. In all her grief, she had forgotten that she was not grieving alone. Finan had lost his child too. He too was fighting his demons. She wished she had known the magic words that could ease his pain, but she didn't. And so she did the only other thing she knew. She stretched her neck and kissed Finan on the lips. At first, it was a gentle kiss, a comforting kiss, but the longer it went on, the wilder it became. Shaylee wrapped her arms around Finan's hand and pulled him closer. They didn't release until they both gasped for breath and for the first time in what felt like an eternity, Shaylee felt warm.

Shaylee placed both hands on Finan's cheeks and said breathlessly, "We have each other. And as long as we have each other, Liam is here with us. In our hearts."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cumberground: Irish word for someone who is so useless, they just serve to take up space
> 
> Thank you very much for reading


	26. Chapter 26

Shaylee sat on a tree trunk on the riverbank and stared into the distance. The Temes flowed quietly past her. Now that winter was slowly changing into spring, the river carried a fair amount of water. The murmur of the waters drowned out all other sounds. Shaylee enjoyed this monotonous murmur.

Her thoughts wandered away to the days gone by. After we had decided to travel to Coccham instead of Glestingaburg. They had ridden through Wessex and set up their new camp in the forest near Coccham. On the very first evening, Finan had sneaked into the village and sent a messenger to Winchester. After that, all they could do was wait.

And even now, more than a week after their arrival, they were still waiting. Strangely enough, Shaylee didn't mind the waiting. She enjoyed the time out here in the woods even though the weather hadn't been the best. But the fact that Shaylee and Finan were spending this time together didn't make it all that bad. For the first time, they spent all their time together. They hunted together and spent the rainy hours in the small tent that Finan had brought from Coccham.

Today she had left Finan back at her camp and was now sitting on the river with an improvised fishing rod, enjoying the peace and quiet. She doubted she would catch anything, but she and Finan had a bet going on. It had all started at the fire the previous day. They had been talking about how they had learned how to hunt as Shaylee mentioned that she never had tried fishing, but she couldn’t imagine that it could be that difficult. Finan had started to laugh and meant that it was more complicated than it looks. Shaylee didn’t really know how it got to it. But at the end of the discussion, she bet Finan that she would catch a fish the next day. And this was the reason why she was sitting here on that tree.

Now, after a few hours on the banks of the Temes and she was more and more sure that she had been wrong and this whole fishing thing was really not that easy. She was about to pack up her things when the string on her was stretched. Excited, she started to reel in the line and indeed a little later she was standing on the bank with a fish in her hand that would feed them for more than a day.

She was still grinning when she stepped back into the clearing where her tent was sheltered under a big fir tree. A small fire flickered in front of the tent. Finan sat in front of it and looked up with a grin as she stepped into the clearing and held the fish triumphantly in the air: "Look what a monster I caught. I told you that I would catch something."

Finan laughed and applauded: "Impressive, but I never doubted you."

Shaylee rolled her eyes laughing. She knew perfectly well that they both had about equal confidence in her fishing skills. She threw the fish to Finan, who scaled her prey with quick movements while Shaylee leaned her rod on the nearby fir tree.

As in the previous days, their dinner was rather monotonous. Although the fish was different for a change, the rest of the stew was the same as in previous days. Some grain that Finan had also brought from the village and some herbs that Shaylee had found in the surrounding forest. But it fed them, and Shaylee was not fussy as long as she could snuggle up with Finan wrapped in her skins after dinner.

They talked about this and that. Shaylee had learned to love these evenings. They had nothing else to do but sit by the fire, look up into the sky and talk. Okay, sometimes they didn't speak either but kissed. Shaylee would have liked to claim that she would have had enough of Finan's lips one day, but she honestly could not imagine it.

But she also liked the conversations. She had the feeling of getting to know Finan even better than they had known each other before. It was just the two of them, and without any eavesdroppers, they could be more honest with each other than ever before. They talked about all kinds of things. About their wishes and dreams, about Ireland and their past, even if they still left out the darker chapters. It was not that they deliberately avoided these topics. It was merely that they had always found other topics to talk about that were a little less gloomy.

So Shaylee Finan told of her mother who had been carried away by fever and of her grandmother who had raised her. A resolute old lady who had not let anyone or anything tell her what to do.

"I never knew my grandfather. But if you are to believe the stories that were told in the village. He wasn't the one in charge at my grandparents' house," Shaylee smiled and grinned at Finan, "But I don't think my grandmother would have married any other man. She had a mind of her own and didn't let anyone tell her what to do.“

"I know a girl like that," smiled Finan and winked at her.

Shaylee rolled her eyes but then joint his laughter. She would have lied if she had said that she was not happy to be compared to her grandmother. She had been a strong independent woman and had been Shaylee's role model without a doubt.

So Shaylee and Finan got to know each other a little bit more every evening. And one evening, after a period of silence, Finan asked her: "Why did you marry Aidan if you hated him so much?“

Shaylee swallowed and did not answer immediately. She had never told this story to anyone before, and she didn't know precisely how to put it all into words. But she also knew that Finan had a right to hear this story. After all, he was sitting here in a damp clearing because of it. If it wasn’t for her, he probably would sit in a warm alehouse. She grabbed the stick that served as poker and poked around in the fire. While she searched for the right words.

"The wedding is really just one chapter in a longer story," she looked up at Finan and said softly, "I'll tell it to you. But please try not to interrupt me. I'm not sure I can tell the whole story if I'm interrupted."

She looked up at Finan, who looked at her with his warm brown eyes and nodded. So Shaylee took a deep breath and began to tell: "You know my mother died when I was little. My grandmother took me in. She was the healer in our village. If someone had an ache, they would come to my grandmother, and she always knew something to make it better."

Shaylee went through her hair and hesitated for a moment before telling: "From the moment I was born, the villagers had reservations about me, or rather my origins. To them, I was a Danish girl and did not belong to them. If my grandmother hadn't taken me in and held my hand over me, I would probably have been chased out of the village after my mother died.” She hesitated, she didn't want to sound as if she had just been a little child who felt unfairly treated.

"Now, in retrospect, I know that people were just scared, and when someone is scared, they react with hatred. They just couldn't help it. To a certain extent, I can even understand them. I mean you know yourself how the Danes behaved in Ireland," she laughed dryly and took a sip from her cup.

"Most of the villagers were content to show me their dislike in small gestures. But they still treated me like a human being. Aidan was different. He was not satisfied with calling me a stranger or intruder. He wanted more. He wanted to show me that they were stronger than the Danes he counted me among. And for that, he had devised a plan," Shaylee swallowed and struggled to go on, "I had this retreat in the forest. It lay in the middle of the forest. I discovered it on one of my forays, and since it was far off the beaten track, I never thought anyone would ever find me there. But I underestimated Aidan's tenacity. One evening in late summer he found me there with his henchmen Niall and Glyn. I got away from them at first, but they caught up with me and then ..." Shaylee broke off and raised her hands a little helplessly, not knowing how to say it.

Fortunately, Finan seemed to know how the story continued. The fire cast shadows on his angry expression. But as he had promised before, he did not interrupt her.

Shaylee took a deep breath once or twice and then continued: "Aidan must have thought it would break me. Well, he wasn't entirely wrong about that. But something was preventing me from giving up on myself. So I just kept going, and that made Aidan even more insane. Now he didn't just want to destroy me. He wanted to possess me", Shaylee couldn't help herself, she laughed cheerlessly, "After what happened in the forest I should have known he would stop at nothing. But somehow I imagined that as long as my grandmother was alive, he wouldn't dare do anything to me again. I thought my grandmother was untouchable. Youthful idealism, I suppose. I never thought Aidan would actually dare to attack the village healer, but I underestimated how much he had taken it into his head to destroy me. He didn't care about the health of his fellow citizens either. He started spreading rumours that grandma healed people with magic instead of herbs. That she had gotten involved with the devil. The awe that the villagers had shown to Grandmother turned into fear, and she was finally locked up in the nearby monastery. And so Aidan's trap snapped shut. He said that he would ensure that my grandmother would be released. But in order to do that, I had to marry him."

Finan gasped for breath and hissed: " _Go marbhaí an diabhal é._ "

Shaylee couldn't help but smile a little. God forgive her, but she could only agree with him. But instead of responding to his remark, she continued with her story: "What should I do? I could not let anything happen to my grandmother. At that time she was already quite frail and would not have survived for long in the wet cellar of the monastery. So I accepted Aidan's offer. I guess I also had the hope that if he had got what he wanted for the first time, everything would have flattened out a bit. I should have known that he would never be satisfied. Not until I'd lost all self-respect or simply was dead."

She fell silent and poked around in the fire again. She felt Finan's gaze on her and had to fight against the lump in her throat. Finally, Finan asked quietly, "Did at least your grandmother get out again?"

Shaylee laughed dryly and nodded, "Yes, she was released the day after the wedding. However, the cold and bad treatment had so affected her that she died shortly afterwards," she looked up and met Finan's gaze, "So the deal was for nothing," she took another deep breath and then closed: "Grandmother's death cut the last connection between me and Ireland, there was nothing left for me there. But Aidan seemed to have somehow sensed that I was up to something. He had his henchmen guard me around the clock. I couldn't take a step out of the house without someone shadowing me. But finally, fate was on my side. The Uí Néill started a war with the Conchobhair. Aidan and his swashbucklers had to move out with the rest of the men, and I suddenly had the opportunity to leave. I left the day after the withdrawal of the soldiers, I left in the dark of night. I travelled to Dublin and sneaked onto a ship there and arrived in Wealas. From there, I made my way to Mercia, and that's where we met."

She smiled and gratefully squeezed the hand that Finan had stretched out and put it on her thigh: "I was rid of him, at least that's what I thought. In retrospect, I should have expected him to come after me.“

"If I get my hands on that bastard," growled Finan and Shaylee saw his eyes sparkle angrily.

She pulled a face and said, "Then you'll wait till I get there and take care of him like a gentleman should."

Finan didn't seem to agree with her, but when she gave him a meaningful look, he finally nodded.

She straightened up a bit and let herself sink against Finan's side: "That's all in the past. Now I have you, now I am fine."

Talking about the past did Shaylee good. It felt good to know that Finan now knew what had made her who she was. That he knew why he was hiding in a forest in the spring, still almost winter.

They stayed in that forest for almost another week. But one afternoon, as Shaylee was carrying a heavy bucket of river water from the river to their camp, they received a visitor. Panting heavily, she stepped into the clearing and looked around the clearing. Finan was nowhere to be seen, and she murmured softly, "Of course now that I could need his help, he isn't here right now.”

"I see you are enjoying your time here very much," she suddenly heard another but all too familiar voice. Surprised, Shaylee turned to the side. The rapid movement caused cold water to spill from the bucket and run down her legs, but Shaylee paid no attention. All her attention was focused on Sihtric, who was a little offside, patting his horse's neck.

Finan was standing with him and had a broad grin on his lips. Shaylee looked back and forth between the two men and waited for one of them to break the silence, but neither of them said a word, just kept grinning at them. Finally, Shaylee snorted in annoyance and said, "You clearly want to get something off your chest. So come on, spit it out already."

"I can tell you're enjoying it here very much, but I'm afraid your time as a hermit is coming to an end. We've just come from Winchester. King Edward has finally confirmed that the marriage between you and Aidan mac Laigni is not legal," said Sihtric, grinning broadly at Shaylee.

It took a second or two for Shaylee to process the information. But then she walked in quick steps towards Sihtric and stopped in front of him. She pointed her finger at him and asked, "Say that again.”

Sihtric looked slightly amused from her threateningly stretched finger to her face and back. Smiling, he replied: "You have heard me right before. You are officially rid of the Irish bastard."

Shaylee felt a grin spread across her face and she turned to Finan: "I'm rid of him. We are rid of him. We are really rid of him."

Finan nodded and came up to her with a big grin, "We're rid of him.”

When he had reached her, Shaylee threw herself into his arms. He swung her around while Shaylee laughed down his throat and said, "We got rid of him."

Shaylee could hardly comprehend that the nightmare was finally over. It felt as if she was walking on clouds as they packed their bags and headed back to Coccham.

Once in Coccham, Osferth and her uncle came to meet them. She ignored Uhtred and hurried to Osferth. She grabbed his hands and squeezed them tight: "Thank you! Thank you so much! You cannot imagine how grateful I am to you."

Osferth blushed and shook his head, embarrassed: "You are exaggerating. I'm sure everything would have turned out just fine."

Shaylee shook her head: "No, you saved my life. If you ever need anything..."

Osferth didn't seem to know exactly where to look. Finally, Uhtred broke the silence when he put his arm around Shaylee's shoulders and said: "Now we all need ale.”

Shaylee let Uhtred drag her into the alehouse. There Shaylee lowered herself onto a bench and enjoyed the familiar surroundings. Shaylee sat back and let the happiness soak right into her bones. She wanted to make sure she would not forget this feeling. For a moment, she closed her eyes and enjoyed the happy voices around her. Then suddenly she heard an all too familiar voice and opened her eyes. At the top of the table, Eadith stood with a broad grin on her face. Shaylee was so fast on her legs that she almost fell over the bench, Finan had to catch her, so she did not land nose first on the floor. Laughing, he held her hand when she climbed over her bench and ran to Eadith. She pulled Eadith happily into her arms.

"I told you it would be all right," Eadith said softly and stroked Shaylee across her back.

Shaylee laughed shakily and pulled her to the table where she pressed her onto the bench and called to the innkeeper, to bring another round.

How Shaylee sat between Eadith and Finan. Surrounded by friends and family, the only thing that could have made her happier would have been to know that at home, Liam was waiting for her. But this night she just pushed that thought away. She didn’t want to be sad, and she wasn’t she was happy. Her heart seemed to burst with happiness, and for a short period of time, she thought that she could not be happier than right here right now. But when she later closed the door to Finan's house behind her and turned to Finan, she knew she was wrong. Now she was even happier. She had the feeling that she was floating at least a handbreadth above the ground, that's how happy she was. Grinning broadly, she turned to Finan.

"I can't believe it. We're back," she laughed and then pointed to the door to the bedroom: "I think I've already forgotten what it feels like to sleep in a real bed.“

Finan laughed and pulled her into his muscular arms. She laughed and looked up at him. Her lips met, and the start of the soft-touch sent a strong feeling of warmth spiralling through her system. Her eyes closed fearlessly. Her tense nerves soon began to relax, and her troubles began to melt away, and the surroundings began to disappear, leaving only her, her and Finan. This felt true. This felt good. This felt right.

His lips felt so gentle so warm, she felt her hands begin to slide up his chest and encircle his neck, as the kiss began to grow heavy. Finan's hand slid off her face and tightened around her waist. She continued kissing him hungrily wanting more. She felt herself being pushed against the wall, Finan's body pressing against hers. The kiss goes on, their lips moving in perfect sync and the kiss becoming more passionate by the second.

Her right hand flowed onto his chest and shoved the coat off his shoulders as her left hand began greedily undoing his shirt. Their lips parted and clasped onto one another once again with an adding of more pressure. Finan's hand slid smoothly onto her arm, lifting it and pinning it against the wall. Their kiss grew even more greedy, her mouth locking tighter. The heat flowing throughout her body began to grow as she felt his other hand slide through her cleavage to the fastening of her cloak, in contact with the buckle he slowly began to unfasten the buckle. Her cloak began to hang loosely, and her bodice began to show. Reluctantly Shaylee removed her lips from Finan, leaning frailly against the wall. Her eyes leisurely began to open, eyelids relaxed as she slowly sucked in the cool air. Finan stares back, his eyes calm. She rested her forehead upon his as her hand slipped back onto his bare skinned chest. Her breath was slow. In strength, she quietly murmurs "I love you". Finan's slow breathing emitted the same words. Their lips captured once more before Finan swung her up in his strong arms as if she was nothing more than a ragdoll.

"Then let's make sure your memories of a soft bed are revived," he said with a cheeky grin on his lips.

Reflexively, Shaylee wrapped her arms around his neck, and while he carried her into the next room to her bed, they began to kiss again. Gently, Finan let her sink onto the mattress before following her to bed. Shaylee welcomed him with open arms and greedy lips. Her lips matched perfectly as if they were made for each other. They moved together, and Shaylee was sure she would never let go of him again.

Shaylee awoke from the first rays of sunshine, which slowly fought their way through the cloud cover, only to dance happily through the room. Shaylee saw the layer of dust on the floor. A sign of her long absence. It really had been time that they had returned. She pushed away the thought of the cleaning that was about to come. She let herself sink back into her pillow and enjoyed her soft and warm bed. Finan had put his arm around her, and it was more comfortable than any blanket could have been. She snuggled into her furs and inhaled the smell that would forever remind her of Finan. Everything here smelled of him, there was that light note of freshly cut grass hanging in the air. That smell that always caused Shaylee's heartbeat to slow down.

Shaylee ran her hand over Finan's back. The soft hair tickled her fingertips. She felt the strong muscle strands under his skin, the protruding spine bones and also the scars that marked his back. She remembered the moment when she saw the scars for the first time all too well. The horror. The unbelief that someone could do such a cruel thing to her Finan.

She would never have gone so far as to portray Finan as a harmless man, he was not. He was a warrior, and he could be a difficult fellow to live with. But he was only like that towards his enemies. He was also loyal and protected those he loved with everything he had. And it was precisely these admirable traits that had left him with those terrible scars. Finan had never spoken to her about his time on the ship, and he didn't need to. Shaylee could roughly imagine what had happened on it. And she didn't want to know more than these vague ideas.

She shook off those sad thoughts and let her fingers slide tenderly through his curls. His hair had grown. Thick, brown curls stood off his head in all directions. She grinned slightly. This wild hairstyle made him look younger, and she could sense the carefree boy he had been years ago.

Lost in her thoughts, she played with his curls as Finan turned to her sleepily. He blinked drowsily to get used to the sunlight. His eyes were a deep, earthy brown - the colour of the earth after torrential rains. But there was something else in them, something glistening. Glistening like an old copper piece near a fireplace in which the flames reflected. These eyes held secrets, but they also had this mischievous glint in them, which seemed to reflect the Corner of his mouth, which was fighting a smile: "Are you starring at me?"

"Why would I do that?" Shaylee asked dry. But then laughed and leaned forward to give Finan a tender kiss. They remained lying there for a while. Enjoying the fact that they were back in their own bed for the first time in weeks, Shaylee still officially living with Uhtred. Until now, this had never really bothered Shaylee, but now Shaylee somehow couldn't think of a good reason why that was still the case. So she carefully asked Finan, "What do you think about me definitely moving my stuff from my room at Uhtred's here?”

Finan lifted his head in surprise and Shaylee was briefly worried that he might not be as enthusiastic about her proposal as she had hoped, but Finan just asked in surprise, "You still have your stuff at Uhtreds?”

Shaylee broke out in laughter and raised an amused eyebrow: "Do you see anything of mine around here?”

Finan's cheeks reddened a little and with a somewhat mischievous smile replied: "Then it's about time I'd said, isn't it?”

Shaylee felt the same way, and she grinned and sat up: "Well, then we both agree. I'll bring the things over and then I should take a look in my consulting room. It'll look as dusty there as it does here."

In fact, she stopped for a moment in shock as she stood in the doorway to her consulting room. There was a thick layer of dust everywhere, and Shaylee already began to write a list of things she had to do before she could see patients again.

In fact, she was busy for days repairing everything, and as soon as she hung up her blue ribbon outside, the people seeking help began to stream to her. She was on her feet from morning till evening. She was so busy that she hardly noticed that the last days of winter were coming. The last snowfields were melting in the warm spring sun, and the snowdrops courageously pushed their heads out of the ground and stretched themselves towards the sun.

But although Shaylee was always busy, Shaylee enjoyed these weeks. She still found little moments to relax like strolling between the market stalls on market day, for example. Mostly she was looking for herbs that didn't grow in Coccham and the surrounding forests.

One day in March, she strolled through the various market stalls again. She was actually looking for cumin, but her eyes fell on the dagger she discovered next to the pots of spices. Curious, she reached out her hand for the dagger and lifted it up. It was in a simple scabbard, but the handle indicated the skill of the blacksmith. It was carved from wood. Spiral lines wound around the round hilt. The hilt was not very long, but it snuggled into Shaylee's hand as if made for it. She pulled the knife from its sheath and weighed it in her hand. Thanks to the walnut-sized pommel, the knife was perfectly balanced. She raised her eyes and met the dealer, who watched her with interest.

The dagger was actually far too expensive, but Shaylee simply could not resist. She had her bow, but it was only useful to her as long as she could keep distance between herself and her opponent. With this dagger, she would have something to protect herself within close combat.

She named the dagger _Kindness_. She liked the sound of the word, and she also liked the thought that she could defend herself against her opponent with _kindness_. But since she was not really skilled in knife fighting, she needed someone to teach her everything she needed to know. But thank God she knew someone who could help her with that. Finan was only too happy to teach her the tricks of the knife-fight.

It took Shaylee a few weeks to memorise the movements at least halfway through. After a few hours of practice, she had more bruises than she could count and almost regretted having asked Finan for help. He was a strict teacher. For hours he made her repeat the same movements over and over again. She would probably have given up if firstly, she hadn't been too stubborn and secondly if she hadn't remembered the many hours of practice it took to get the bow as good as it is today. She also knew that Finan was tough for her own good. No attacker would spare them. So she was not allowed to be spared in training either. And indeed, after a few weeks, she slowly got the hang of it. She was still miles away from really being a master knife fighter, but at least she would be able to defend herself.

She carried the dagger with her at all times from then on. The blade was attached to the back of her back so that it would not be seen at first sight. She felt safer with the dagger and Finan, who had derided her in the beginning, also noticed that.

Her life with Finan had become wonderfully familiar in those weeks. She had fetched her clothes and belongings from her chamber at Uhtred's and had made herself at home with Finan. She enjoyed waking up every morning in the arms of Finan.

One morning she had just fought her way out of bed. She was sitting in her nightdress in front of the fireplace and was just about to relight it. When Finan stopped behind her in the doorway. Shaylee felt his eyes rest on her and turned to him, smiling. When she saw the look on his face, she frowned. She knew this expression only too well. He was just about to do something he wasn't sure she would like.

He scratched his neck and finally asked: "You've been living here for a while now, and everything works out quite well, isn’t it? Don't you think maybe it's time we make it official?"

Shaylee looked at him uncomprehendingly: "What do you mean to make it official? I'd say we've been official for a long time."

"That's not what I mean. I mean …," Finan hesitated, and walked up to Shaylee. He reached for her hands, and pulled her up. Shaylee looked up in wonder from his hands to his face and noticed that Finan appeared a little nervous.

"I mean we're really making it official. Let's get married. There's no reason why we shouldn't, isn't there?" Finan finally drove up and looked hopefully at Shaylee.

For a split second Shaylee was speechless. She had reckoned with many things. But not with this question. Finan looked at her nervously, and Shaylee could not help smiling: "Of course, I'll marry you." She laughed and raised her hand and put it on Finan's cheek, "I believe meeting you was fate, being your friend; a choice. And falling in love was bound to happen. You are the one who keeps me shielded, defends me from the brutality. You are the one I will die thousand times for. You and nobody else I marry."

Finan also laughed and lifted her off her feet to kiss her at the same time and whirl her around in circles: "Well then. Let's get married."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Irish/English dictionary:  
> Go marbhaí an diabhal é : That the Devil may kill him.
> 
> Thank you very much for reading.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are. We have come to the end of the story of Finan and Shaylee. It was quite a journey. Thank you all very much for bearing with me! I hope you enjoyed the story, and you were able to escape reality for a short time. Also thank you very much for all the kind words along the way! You kept me going! 🥰

A few hours after Shaylee and Finan decided to get married. Yes, that they would get married the very next day. There was no reason why they should wait any longer. Now, Shaylee was sitting upstairs in her herb house. All around her were various herbs piled up. She had been so excited all morning that she was going to do this work today. She hoped that this would calm her down.

A short while ago, she had Eadith politely but firmly escorted out of her consulting room. Eadith was already in full wedding-mode. And Shaylee couldn’t handle that yet. She needed to calm down a bit. And this was why she was now sitting in the attic of the house, and started to take down the herbs.

The removal of the herbs, which had previously been hanging on the roof truss to dry, and packing them in cloth bags had a calming effect on her. There was a mixture of different smells in the air that reminded Shaylee of walking in the forest in the middle of summer. She was sitting contentedly on the floor, just about to put dried lemon balm into a cloth bag when the door was opened at the bottom.

Shaylee looked up in surprise. She had deliberately not attached the blue cloth to the beam in front of the door. Because her grandmother had taught her that she must have her emotions under control when treating someone. Usually, Shaylee had no trouble managing her feelings, but today she felt like her belly was filled with butterflies, and she could hardly think straight.

Despite everything, she was already halfway to her feet to go down and see who was looking for her when she heard her uncle's voice saying "Shaylee, are you here?".

A little relieved, Shaylee dropped back to her heels and shouted, "Yes, I'm up here."

She looked up with a grin as Uhtred came up the steep stairs and looked around for her. When he spotted her sitting among the various bundles of herbs, he grinned: "You look like a real herbal healer. Herbs in your hair, herbs in your dress. You'd think you'd just run through the forest."

Shaylee laughed and shrugged her shoulders: "I blame only you for this. After all, you pretty much forced me into this."

"I didn't force you into anything. I just wanted you to be happy, " Uhtred replied, sinking to a low stool that stood against the wall and generally served as a stool for Shaylee so she could reach the high ceiling beams.

She glanced at him and then pointed to a large pile of dried nettles lying at his feet, saying, "If you make yourself comfortable like this, you can make yourself useful. These nettles must go in this bag."

She threw him one of the coarse cloth bags and grinned as he looked somewhat uncomprehendingly between her, the bag and the dried plants at his feet.

Shaylee explained with a grin: "Pluck the leaves and put them into the bag. No witchcraft believe me."

Uhtred sighed and somewhat reluctantly began to pluck the brittle leaves from the stems and throw them into the bag. After a few minutes, Shaylee noticed that he kept giving her amused looks. She questioningly raised her eyebrow and asked, "What?"

Uhtred shook his head in amusement and said dryly: "Sometimes it is almost frightening how much you remind me of Mother Sigrid.“

Shaylee smiled but felt the blood rise to her cheeks. She didn't respond to his remark, and so they worked together in silence for a while until Uhtred finally broke the silence: "Finan did come to see me.“

Shaylee smiled slightly and said, amusedly, "So?"

"He has asked for my permission to marry you," Uhtred continued, never letting her out of his sight.

Shaylee's smile grew wider, and she nodded, "Yes, we don't want it to mean in a few years' time that marriage isn't legitimate at all, do we?“ As Uhtred looked at here and didn’t respond; she sat up and asked alarmed: “You said yes, didn’t you?”

Uhtred chuckled and shook his head: “No, I didn’t I told him, that he does not need my approval he needs yours.”

Shaylees heart rate normalized, and she even laughed: “Man, you gave me a scare.”

"I don't need to ask if you're sure about this," Uhtred said sarcastically, eliciting a laugh from Shaylee.

"No, you don't have to. I'm sure. I will either marry Finan, or I will marry no one," Shaylee replied, smiling at Uhtred.

He nodded and said, "I was expecting an answer along those lines."

Shaylee laughed and then tilted her head; "Aren't you happy for me?“

"Yes, yes. Of course, I'm happy for you," Uhtred hurried to reply, "I just wanted to make sure it was what you wanted.“

There was no doubt about that. Shaylee had doubts about many things, but not on this one. She was sure that Finan was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her days with and that's precisely what she told her uncle. He smiled and didn't seem the least bit surprised, but Shaylee appreciated that he had taken the time to make sure Shaylee was sure.

Uhtred sat with her for a while and helped her with her work. But then he said goodbye. He certainly had better things to do than sit here with her in the attic and sort out herbs. Shaylee sat at work for quite a while. The monotonous work did not bother her, quite the contrary. But when she finally knotted the last bag, it was already darkening, and she was glad to have everything done at last.

She ran her hands over her arms a little restlessly. Her whole body itched. She looked down at herself with a sigh and realised why she felt the urge to scratch her entire body. She was covered all over with small crumbs of the dried plants. She looked as if she had just worked in the field all day.

She took a look outside. The sun was already beginning to set again towards the horizon. But when she left now, she could still go and wash in the lake and was back in the village before dark. So she packed her things and set off.

The lake was a bit far from the village. There was a nearby bathing place, but it was a bit too muddy for Shaylee's taste. She preferred to walk a little further and wash in the clear water of the lake in the forest.

The path to the lake meandered through the trees before it widened and finally opened up a view of the peaceful lake. Shaylee paused for a moment and enjoyed the image that presented itself.

The small lake lay calmly in front of her. Its surface barely moved, and the surrounding trees were reflected in it. A gently sloping bank fell away towards the lake. The lake was not deep, and even at its deepest point, Shaylee could still stand comfortably. But for washing, it was ideal. Smiling contentedly, she threw her towel at the foot of a tree and carefully laid her bow on it.

Then she walked to the lake. Out of a childish impulse, she picked up a flat stone and let it jump over the water, giggling. The stone jumped over the water several times before it sank to the bottom of the lake. Shaylee threw her clothes back on the lakeshore and then waded slowly into the lake.

The water was still cold. It would take several more weeks for the spring sun to warm the water. But Shaylee still let herself sink back into the water and just drifted for a while. She enjoyed the feeling of weightlessness and rode through the clear water with her hands.

After quite some time, she reopened her eyes and searched the bottom with her feet and waded slowly back to the shore. Shivering, she was just about to rush to her towel when she heard footsteps behind her. She spun around, and her jaw drooped as she saw who was standing in front of her.

" _Tú? Cad é an ifreann atá á dhéanamh agat anseo_?" she stammered and tried to hide her nakedness with her hands.

"Interesting, you still speak the language of Ireland, although you trample on everything else that is sacred to the country," Aidan replied and tilted her head.

Shaylee still stared at him in complete bewilderment and continued to mutter in Irish: " _cén diabhal cabaireachta atá ort?, cén sórt brilléise í sin agat?”_

Even now that she had left Ireland several years ago, she always fell back into her mother tongue when she was surprised by something.

"You know that very well," Aidan replied dryly. Shaylee involuntarily took a step back as he took another step out of the forest. Aidan looked as if he had been roaming around in the woods for some time. His long brown hair hung in threads from his head, and his usually well-groomed beard had seen better days. But despite his rather pathetic appearance, his lascivious look still made Shaylee freeze the blood in his veins.

She forced herself to let her hands hang down at her side and relax her shoulders, there was no reason to hide anything anyway. Firstly, he wouldn't see anything he hadn't seen before and secondly, she couldn't hide anything anyway. She stretched her chin forward and asked again, "What are you doing here?“

"I am getting my wife back," Aidan laughed and drew his face to that wicked grin.

Shaylee closed her eyes briefly and then said annoyed, "I am not your wife. I was never your wife."

"I'm not gonna let some Saxon king tell me who I may or may not be married to. I only bow to an Irish king, and according to him, you are my wife," Aidan replied, gliding his eyes over her body.

"But then you wanted the help of the Saxon king to drag me back to Ireland," Shaylee snorted. She wanted to get Aidan into a conversation so he might be distracted enough so she could maybe do something about him. She stroked the hair from her face so it would certainly not interfere with it. Her bow was a few metres away from her. But the distance was less of a problem than Aidan standing between her and her primary weapon. This was certainly no coincidence.

Just a few steps away from Shaylee, however, lay her clothes, which she had previously simply carelessly thrown back to the shore. Somewhere in this pile of clothes lay her dagger _Kindness_. Did Aidan know about this weapon? How long had he been watching her?

Another question that kept Shaylee concerned was, where were Niall and Glyn? Shaylee could hardly imagine that Aidan could and would make his way in the wilderness alone. But at the moment she couldn't see either of Aidan's henchmen, so she tilted her head and said mockingly, "Do you really think you can get me out of the country against the king's will? It seems that even your henchmen no longer stand by you or where are they?"

Aidan began to grin: "Oh, they are here with me. Don't you worry about that?"

OK, that was worrying because it meant she had to defend herself not only against Aidan but possibly Niall and Glyn as well. Although Shaylee hadn't ruled out that they would turn tail when she had finished Aidan off. But that still meant that she would have to deal with Aidan somehow.

At the moment, Aidan didn't look particularly worried. He had neither drawn his sword nor held his axe in his hand. He didn't seem to think that she was a danger to him. For the moment, he was right, she was not. Her bow lay behind Aidan and beyond Shaylee's reach for the moment. But her dagger _Kindness_ was possibly within reach. She decided to take advantage of his arrogance and strolled leisurely over to the pile of clothes.

She tried hard to make it look as casual as possible as she bent down to her clothes and reached for her undergarment. She took care that her outer dress did not slip very much so that _Kindness_ would not be accidentally revealed. Because if there was one thing she knew, it was that she was physically inferior to Aidan. She could only dupe him if she had the surprise effect on her side. That's why she took her time to slip on her undergarment and all the time she was thinking about how to put on her overgarment without Aidan discovering her dagger.

But he paid little attention to the clothes she was wearing, but gaped at her lustfully: "You really don't need to get dressed."

Shaylee didn't look up at him but just said as calmly as possible: "Aidan, that time is over. You have no more power over me. It's time you finally accept that."

"There is nothing to accept. You are my wife. You promised me faithfulness and obedience before God," Aidan countered.

Shaylee couldn't help but laugh gloating: "Really? You want to hold that promise against me. OK, fine. What did you promise me then? If I remember correctly, there was something among the promises that you would honour me. I also seem to recall that you promised to protect me from any danger." She took a step forward and challengingly stretched her chin forward: "So do not dare to hold unfulfilled oaths against me. I can play that game too."

Shaylee now held her dress in her hands. She had picked it up curled together and now groped around inconspicuously in the bundle and finally got hold of the handle of her dagger. As her hand closed around the handle of _Kindness_ , her heartbeat calmed down a little spontaneously. But as soon as Aidan began to move towards her, she heard her heartbeat pounding in her ears again.

"Just stay away from me," she hissed and gripped the handle of her dagger tighter. She hated that he still managed to get under her skin.

Aidan laughed gloating and came closer and closer: "Have you ever been able to prevent it?“

Swallowing hard, Shaylee took a step back. No, she had never been able to prevent it before, and Shaylee was more than aware of that. Her hands were wet, and she took another step back. Her head was empty as Aidan continued to come towards her. She kept taking a step away from Aidan. But suddenly, her left foot got stuck between two stones and terrified, she felt that she lost her balance and fell backwards.

It seemed to her as if she was falling in slow motion. She stretched out her arms to regain her balance. But the only thing that resulted was that _Kindness_ slipped away from her and landed on the ground. It landed together with her dress, a few hands wide next to her hand. The impact pressed the air out of her lungs, and she gasped for air. And it took her a moment to pull herself together and pick herself up. This little moment was all Aidan needed and had already thrown himself on her.

"At least you're lying down like a well-behaved wife," Aidan said mockingly, his hand moving up along her waist. Shaylee tried to squirm out from under him, but Aidan was too heavy to push him off.

Shaylee became nauseous as she felt him rubbing with his lower body. One hand had turned down to her legs, while the other lay on her breast.

A cold hand lay on her ankle and impatiently moved up under the fabric of her undergarment. Shaylee wanted to scream, but why should she. She was not far from Coccham, but there was still enough distance between her and the city walls that her screams would not be heard. She was also afraid that this would only attract Niall and Glyn. If they were really still around, the last thing she wanted was for them to join Aidan.

Shaylee turned under Aidan and looked up at him as cold as she was helpless. Breathlessly she cursed: "You arsehole! Leave me alone! Please. You have no right..."

Of course, Aidan didn't care that he had no right to do what he did. He just wanted to show her that he didn't need the right. He could take what he wanted without being right. Shaylee was so incredibly angry, repulsed and just humiliated. She turned her head away, and her gaze fell on the ball of cloth just inches out of her reach.

Nevertheless, she reached for her dress and tried to somehow wriggle out from under Aidan. Aidan wanted to stop her from squirming around with a violent slap in her face, but Shaylee had achieved what she wanted. With her fingertips, she managed to get ahold of her dress, and now she carefully started to pull the dress towards her. She could only hope that the dagger was wrapped into the dress in such a way that it would be dragged along with the dress.

At the same time, she felt Aidan's fingernails scratching her skin and had to force herself not to panic and grope for the weapon. She had to stay calm. Panic would not help her. As soon as the dress was close enough, she began to fish for the dagger. And indeed, she got hold of the wooden hilt of the weapon relatively quickly. Relieved, she expelled her breath and then had to pull herself together. Just because she now had a weapon in her hand did not automatically mean that she could stop Aidan from defiling her.

She gripped the hilt tighter and began to turn her attention to Aidan. He brutally squeezed her thighs apart, and Shaylee knew she was running out of time. She forced herself to take a deep breath. She knew what she had to do. Finan had been a good teacher, she knew exactly where to stab with her dagger. She knew exactly what would happen if she did not use her blade. But the weapon suddenly weighed incredibly heavily in her hand.

But then she grabbed it firmly, Aidan didn't notice anything of her sudden change. He only flinched when she swung her hand up and hit the exact spot she had pointed at under his ribcage. Shaylee felt the blade penetrate her skin and heard that terrible sound of a blade that met human flesh.

Aidan had opened his eyes and looked at her in disbelief: "You..."

Shaylee pulled the knife from his side and felt a gush of blood flow over her side. She knew she had hit Aidan just right. Along with the blood, the life energy flowed out of Aidan.

His eyes twitched across her face, and as he took his last breaths, he still looked at her with that incredulous expression. He seemed unable to believe that she had actually got him. That she had actually freed herself from him. She leaned forward to him and hissed: " _An áit thíos atá ceapaithe duit, a dhiabhal.“_

Aidan still opened his mouth, but he couldn't utter a word, he just poured out his last breath with a miserable groan.

Shaylee felt his body slacken, and his body seemed to become even heavier. She lowered her head back to the forest floor and exhaled her held breath.

Aidan was not the first man she had killed. But she had never been so close. With her bow, she had always had a distance between herself and her combatant. But not today. Today Aidan was right on top of her. She felt his weight on her and the blood running over her body.

Finally, she managed to gather the strength so she could push Aidan's body off her and sit up. Her hands were shaking so badly, and _Kindness_ slipped right out of them. It landed on the forest ground, but Shaylee wasn’t watching the dagger. Or the body of Aidan. She was watching her won pale hands, covered with scarlet blood. A small sob worked its way up her throat, and she crumpled to her knees, not taking her eyes off of her hands. Her bloody hands.

Suddenly she got up and ran to the lakeshore. Energetically she began to wash the blood from her hands, and when she failed in doing so immediately, she almost panicked. She had to get that blood off her hands. She could not stand the sight. When she finally had clean hands, she let herself fall back and calmed down a bit. She wrapped her arms around her upper body and rubbed herself shiveringly across her upper arms. She had the feeling as if only ice-cold water was flowing through her veins. She was freezing cold. She needed to get away from here, she needed to get home.

Shaking, she picked herself up and lifted her dress and bow as if stunned and walked back through the forest without looking back at Aidan. She didn't notice how the branches of the fir trees cut into her feet and how she left a trail of blood dripping from her blood-soaked underdress.

By now it had become dark, and guards had posted themselves at the city gate. When they recognised who was approaching, the gate was opened. As if through a thick fog, she heard someone tell her that Finan was in the hall of Uhtred. She ignored the men's gazes of disbelief, but as if in a trance, made her way to her uncle's house and finally opened the door to the hall.

When the light of the illuminated hall fell on her, it lasted a few seconds, then an eerie silence fell over the hall. She had to look horrifying, wearing only her white underdress. And this was drenched in blood and was sticking to her body. But she couldn't move. She couldn’t walk any step further. She just stood there, motionless in the gate of the hall and stared in without really seeing anything.

Only when Finan rushed to her and let his hand glide over her body to check if she was hurt, did she arrive back in reality. Startled, he stammered: "Oh my God! Who did this to you?"

Shaylee was dazed as she was led by Finan to a chair by the fire and let herself fall on it. She looked up at Finan, who looked at her with concern and mumbled, "Aidan."

Immediately, Finan's body language changed, concern turned to anger, and he hissed, "Aidan? Where is that bastard? If I get my hands on him."

He wanted to march past her to his arms, but Shaylee grabbed him by the arm and shook his head: "You don't have to worry about him anymore. I...", she looked down at herself, and at the sight of all that blood her mouth became dry as dust. But then she pulled herself together and said, "I've already taken care of it."

She looked from Finan to Uhtred, who had also rushed to her, he exchanged a look with Finan and asked: "You did what?“

Shaylee brushed the hair from her face and repeated, "I've taken care of it. Aidan … He won't cause any more problems." When Shaylee saw her uncle's questioning expression, she said, "By the pond in the lake."

Uhtred turned and nodded to Sihtric and Osferth. They had already gotten up, and now they rushed past Shaylee and were already at the door when Shaylee turned to them and called after them: “Please be careful. Aidan claimed that Niall and Glyn are out there as well".

Sihtric turned to her and waved: "Don't worry. If we run into them, we can handle them."

Shaylee didn't doubt it, but so much had happened in the last hours. That Shaylee was no longer sure if she could trust herself. She sank against Finan and muttered soundlessly, "I'm so tired."

"I know, _Acushla_ ," said Finan and put her arm around her shoulders, "but please tell us what just happened, and I'll take you home so you can lie down.“

Uhtred nodded affirmatively: "Yes, what exactly happened?"

Shaylee closed her eyes briefly and then gathered her willpower one last time and began to tell what had happened in the clearing. Finan and Uhtred didn't let her out of their sight, and when Shaylee finally concluded, "I left him there and came here.“

She looked somewhat guiltily back and forth between the two men.

"What else could you have done?" Uhtred asked with a slight grin on her lips.

He was right, of course, but still, Shaylee felt somehow guilty. She nodded tiredly and then looked over at Finan: "I can't go on. I'm going to lie down now. He is dead. That won't change, we can discuss it tomorrow."

The corner of Finan's mouth twitched and then nodded: "You're right about that. Let me walk you home."

Shaylee smiled gratefully at Finan but waved away: " Don't bother. I'll find the way on my own."

Finan was left with a somewhat worried expression on his face. As Shaylee stepped out through the door, she heard Uhtred say to him, "Well, then we're rid of that problem too.“

Thoughts whirled around in Shaylee's head. So many different feelings were swirling around in her mind, and she honestly couldn't say what she was feeling. She closed the door to her home behind her and looked down on herself. The dress had dried from the warmth of the fire she had just sat by and was now stuck to her skin. Shaylee struggled to take the dress off and suddenly felt the urge to rip it off as quickly as possible. She balled the dress into a ball and threw it into the fireplace. She let herself sink to the floor in front of the fireplace and watched as the fire slowly ate through the fabric and slowly but surely destroyed the dress. Then she reached over to the bucket and reached for the sponge. With quick and energetic movements, she began to wash the dried blood from her body. Like a possessed person, she scrubbed her hand until she had washed off the last bloodstain from her body.

She had always thought she would feel some kind of relief when she would finally be free of Aidan. But now that she was sure she would never meet him again, she felt strangely empty and detached from all feelings. Aidan had been a fixed anchor point in her life for so long. For so long, so much of her life had revolved around him. Not in a good way, of course, but the hostility between them had made her the person she was today.

She didn't know how long she had been crouched in front of the fireplace. But when Finan entered the house through the door, she was still sitting there. Staring into the flames were the last parts of her tunic had been burned a long time ago.

"Shaylee, what are you doing? I meant you wanted to lie down," said Finan in surprise as he lowered himself to the floor beside her and mustered her.

Shaylee looked up at him and asked him, "Why don't I feel anything?” Puzzled, Finan looked at her, and she continued, "How can it be that I kill a man, a man who has never been kind to me, and yet I feel absolutely nothing? Shouldn't I feel something? Guilt, after all, I have taken a life? Or relief because I am finally free of him?"

Finan hesitated for a moment and seemed to be thinking about what to say in response. Finally, he put his hand on her cheek, so she had to look at him: "I don't think you feel nothing. I think you feel all these things. It is only normal that you are confused. It is human. That doesn't make you guilty or a bad person."

He took her in his arms, and as Shaylee felt his strong arms around her, she slowly began to relax. She lowered herself against him and laid her head against his chest. So they sat there for quite a while until Finan finally lifted her up and carried her to bed.

As he put her to bed, he gently lifted the blanket up to her chin. He watched her tenderly and then said quietly, "We don't have to go through with it tomorrow. We have time, we don't have to rush into anything."

Shaylee was confused at first until she realised he was talking about her wedding. Startled, she sat up and grabbed his wrist: "NO! No way. That bastard," she crossed herself quickly, "Has already spoiled and stolen so many things from me. He will not steal that from me. We are getting married tomorrow. And not because of what happened today, but because it is the only right thing to do. We love each other, and when you love each other, you marry each other."

She stretched and kissed him definitely on the lips: "I'll marry you tomorrow. even if I have to drag you by your scruff of the neck to church."

Finan grinned and pulled her head closer: "Believe me, that won't be necessary. I will wait for you untiringly."

"Good, then you and I are in agreement," Shaylee grinned and pulled Finan down towards her. They made love slowly and gently. They wanted to be close to each other and were in no hurry, and they ended up falling asleep cuddled close together.

The next morning she was awakened by a loud knocking. Still, a little sleepy, Shaylee fought her way up and walked to the door wrapped in her blanket. Slowly she opened the door a crack wide and peered outside. Astonished, she saw Eadith standing in front of her and looking at her almost reproachfully: "Have you just got up?“

Shaylee looked down at herself and then said dryly: "No, I've been awake for a long time. This is my outfit for today. Suits me, doesn't it?"

Eadith rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips: "You'd better get dressed now. I'll wait here. We've got a lot to do."

"What are you planning to do?" Shaylee asked confusedly.

"You don't think I'll let you get married in one of your dresses, do you?" Eadith asked incredulously.

Shaylee shrugged: "I wouldn't mind.“

"But it would bother me. You are the niece of an Ealdorman. You're not getting married in just any dress. Not while I'm around," Eadith replied and nodded towards the inside of the house: "Come on, then. Tick tock. Time is ticking."

Shaylee pulled a face but gave in. She closed the door behind her and turned to Finan, who had also sat up and looked at her. His hair stood up in all directions. His grin made him look much younger, and Shaylee's heart skipped a beat as she thought she would be his wife in a few hours.

She pointed her thumb at the door behind which Eadith was waiting for her: "She just won't take no for an answer, won’t she?“

Finan laughed: "I would be surprised. Eadith is almost as stubborn as you are. Even more stubborn in some things. If I were you, I'd just give in."

He kissed her on the lips and then pushed her over to her chest, where she kept her clothes. Shaylee feared that Finan was right. So she put on one of her simple dresses and stepped outside the door a short time later.

She grinned at Eadith and raised her hands, humbly: "All right. I leave myself in your capable hands."

Eadith laughed and took her by the hand. In the next hours, Shaylee simply let everything happen to her. She let Eadith braid her hair and otherwise arrange it. Finally, Shaylee stood in front of a polished copper disc and studied her reflection. She could hardly believe that the woman she saw there was really her.

Eadith had braided her hair into several plaits and then tied them up with ribbons. Now her hair piled up on her head, with some red strands coming loose from the hairstyle that now boldly framed her face. Her face would indeed have looked like that of an innocent girl from the countryside if it hadn't been for the striking bruise on her cheek. This is where Aidan had hit her yesterday. His last sign that he had left on her body.

Her hand involuntarily felt her cheek, Eadith caught her eye in the mirror image: "You look so beautiful. No one will notice that.“

Shaylee smiled gratefully at Eadith and let her hand sink again. She stroked almost tenderly over the burgundy dress she was wearing. Eadith had shown her some dresses, but for Shaylee, only this one was an option. It was cut differently from her other dresses. At the neckline, the ends of the sleeves and the bottom hem was a wide embroidered border. It snuggled tightly around her upper body and only widened at her waist. The fabric rustled with each of her movements and swung around her as she turned around.

"What do you think he'll marry me like this," she asked Eadith and tilted her head.

Eadith laughed and nodded: "Any man who sees you like this would marry you.“

Shaylee smiled and winked at Æthelstan, who sat bored on a chair a little aside: "And what do you think?“

Æthelstan looked at her in bewilderment, but then he let his gaze wander over her and then said, "You look pretty.“

The sobriety with which he said this made Shaylee chuckle. Then she took a deep breath and said to Eadith, "Then we are ready?"

"Almost." Eadith hurried to her chest and knelt down before it. It rustled while Eadith searched for something inside. Finally, she stood up and had a small box in her hand. Shaylee watched curiously as Eadith went to the table and opened the box. Inside the box, some jewellery was revealed. Eadith reached for a pair of earrings and turned to her.

They were beautiful pieces of jewellery. Shaylee had never worn anything like them before. On a thin golden chain hung a white pearl at the bottom of each. Eadith came to Shaylee and put the earrings on. Then she stepped away from her and let her eyes wander over her: "Now you are ready."

Suddenly, Shaylee's heart began to beat wildly. She had stayed calm the whole time. At no time had she been nervous. But now she could feel her heart getting hot and cold. She followed Eadith through the streets of Coccham to the little church.

When she arrived there, Eadith made her stop and turned to Æthelstan: "Go and see if everyone is there already."

The boy hurried away and disappeared inside the church. It lasted a moment, then he appeared again and ran towards them: "They are all here.“

Eadith nodded and sent him back inside. Then she turned to Shaylee and asked with a broad smile, "And are you ready?“

"Do I sound childish when I say no?" Shaylee laughed nervously.

Eadith smiled and shook her head: "No, I would say that's part of the game."

She took Shaylee by the hand and walked with her to the entrance of the church. Just before the door, she let go of her and then rushed in front of her into the church. Shaylee stopped for a moment and closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

So that was it. The moment she had been waiting for so long. In a moment she would turn this corner and walk towards the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. She opened her eyes and set herself in motion.

As she turned around the corner, her family and friends turned and looked at her. But Shaylee did not pay any attention to them. Her gaze was fixed on Finan, who was waiting for her at the end of the corridor. He didn't let her out of his sight either, he had a broad smile on his lips.

When she approached him, she saw his eyes twitch briefly to the bruise, and she raised her hand involuntarily and wanted to touch the spot. But Finan reached for her hand and bent down to her and whispered to her so softly that only she could hear him, "You need not be ashamed of this. It just shows everyone that I'm marrying a warrior woman."

Shaylee laughed and then turned to her uncle, who stood in front of her. He would marry her and Shaylee could not imagine a more suitable man. Uhtred smiled at her as he performed the rites that go with a wedding.

He spoke the prescribed words that were spoken at each wedding and then surprised Shaylee as he turned away briefly and nodded to Sihtric. Sihtric turned around and picked up a long object that had been lying next to him on a box. Surprised, Shaylee followed Sihtric with her eyes as he came towards her and stood beside her.

Then she was even more stunned when Finan pulled his sword out of its sheath and presented it to her with the palms of his hands facing upwards. Shaylee looked at him with big eyes so that she hardly heard the words he spoke: "I give you this sword to save for our sons to have and to use.“

Shaylee received the sword in complete bewilderment. She had not thought that they would do this part of a wedding as well. Finan and her marriage were different than other weddings. They had been a couple for so long, that she had thought that they would simply stand in a church and say their vows and then get a cup of ale with her friends and family. But here she was. Holding the sword of Finan in her hands and not really understanding what was going on. The custom would have been for her to give Finan a new sword. But she had no sword that she could have given him. Nor did she carry her dagger. She just opened her mouth to shamefully declare that she could not give him anything in return. When Sihtirc cleared his throat next to her, and her eyes caught sight of what he was holding in his hands. It was a sword. Speechless she looked from the blade to Sihtric and then to Uhtred.

Uhtred smiled at her and said softly, "Did you think I wouldn't follow the most fundamental rituals when my niece was getting married?“

Shaylee was not able to answer. She turned around and handed over the sword she was holding to Eadith and then took the sword from Sihtric. It was lighter then it looked with this massive handle. The hilt was wrapped with black leather which nestled softly in her hand. She lifted the blade and presented it to Finan with both hands and spoke the words she had heard so many times before but never thought she would ever say them herself: “To keep us safe, you must bear a blade. With this sword keep safe our home."

Finan took the sword and let it slide into its sheath. Shaylee was far too perplexed to follow Uhtred's words too closely. Only when it was time to swear loyalty to one another had she fully returned to the present.

Finan looked tenderly down at her and never let her out of his sight for a moment while he spoke: "I love you, Shaylee! That means I would defend you with my life even if the odds were insurmountable. It means I will comfort you in the difficult and painful times. It means I will dance and rejoice with you when times are good. It means I will never betray you, never give up on you. It means that I will be yours into eternity, and I will never abandon you. It means I will never put you in danger no matter how noble the "cause" may be. My love for you means that I will protect you with everything I have, and if should anyone ever demand your life to save my own I will tell them to rot in hell. There can never be a higher calling to me than protecting and caring for you.“, he gently pressed her hands as he spoke the traditional words: “I, Finan Muintír-Birn, take thee, Shaylee Ragnardóttir, to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy ordinance, and thereto I plight thee my troth.”

Shaylee blinked wildly to hold back her tears and had to clear her throat to find her own voice again. She had been thinking about what to say from the moment they decided to get married. But now, she found everything she could say cold and insensitive. But she cleared her throat anyway and said "Finan, I love you like you're the last of my kind. It is as if you speak the same language as I, yet no other is able. To be around you is like finally not being alone - as if all my life I've been isolated, in a windowless room, in a doorless room... and then suddenly you walk in as if strolling over a summer meadow. Because your love is so whole, my missing pieces appear. Because your touch carries such passion, what was scarred becomes soft once more. Because you are steady and patient, my open wounds have time to seal and vanish. Perhaps that is why they say love is such magic, this gift from God and I am so glad that I can share all of this with you.“

She grinned a little when she finally said the ritual words: "I, Shaylee Ragnardóttir, take thee, Finan Muintír-Birn, to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and", she chuckled a bit as she said: "To obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth." She gave Uhtred a mischievous look as she quickly added: "May the goddess Vár punish me if I ever break this oath."

She heard Sihtric laughing behind her and the corner of Finan's mouth twitching too.

Then Finan turned away and surprised Shaylee again as he turned to Eadith and received a ring. He lifted her hand and put the simple ring on her finger and said: "With this ring, I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen."

Shaylee looked down at her intertwined fingers. Upon her finger was a simple wedding band, an elegant silver thing. It curved as three strands woven, almost as if they had grown together over time.

Uhtred now declared them man and wife with a broad grin and when Shaylee, for the very first time as his wife, reached up to Finan to kiss him. She was nothing but happy. She was sure that she had now found her happiness and that forever and ever, happiness was on her side. Because her happiness was Finan.

\- The Ende -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Irish/English dictionary:  
> Tú? Cad é an ifreann atá á dhéanamh agat anseo? = You? What are you doing here?  
> cén diabhal cabaireachta atá ort?, cén sórt brilléise í sin agat? = what the hell are you gibbering about?  
> An áit thíos atá ceapaithe duit, a dhiabhal. = It is the place below that is meant for you, you devil!
> 
> Thank you very much for reading.


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